Dr Stephen M Whitehead

The best, and worst, places to be a woman

2012-03-03T23:49:00.001-08:00

Here is something you won't have spotted:

Which county has the highest number of women in senior management?

No, you'll never guess, so I will leave you the answer at the bottom of this blog. But before you quickly scroll down, here are some more facts provided on women around the world, timed to coincide with International Women's Day next Thursday, the results of research by The Independent on Sunday.

Best places to be a woman? Iceland, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Finland, Luxembourg, Bahamas, Jamaica, Lesotho

Worst places to be a woman? Afghanistan, Yemen, Chad, Mexico, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Ethopia, Somalia, Sudan, El Salvador, Philippines, Nicaragua, Pakistan

Places where its good to be a woman so long as you are rich: pretty much everywhere

Places where its crap to be a woman if you are poor: ditto above but especially the Middle East, South America, Africa and parts of Asia.

Women in Qatar are 6 times more likely to go to university than women in the UK. That said, Qatar has no women in parliament while Rwandan women hold 45 of the 80 parliamentary seats, the highest percentage of women in parliament in the world. Even Pakistan and the UAE have more women in parliament than the UK.

While the news remains mixed for women around the world, according to the World Economic Forum, 85% of countries have improved conditions for women over the past six years. So things are getting better.

As usual, its a question of balance and a question of choice. For example, women in Japan live longer than women anywhere else in the world (life expectancy is now up to 87 years). That said, they don't seem to be getting a lot of sex so it can make for a pretty unexciting 87 years.

And if you are a woman who wants to be a taxi driver, then your best chance of becoming one is in India, New Delhi in particular. But who would want to be a taxi driver in India? The transport system is a total mess and you are much more likely to die from a traffic accident if you live in India than you are from a suicide bomb in Iraq.

Answer: Thailand. Yes, I was somewhat surprised too. In good old Thailand, 45% of senior managers are women, compared to just 20% in the UK (but rising) and only 8% in Japan.

So well done Thailand. In at least one important aspect of 21st century equality you do indeed, lead the world

Karmatic Hernia

2012-03-02T23:56:00.003-08:00

Not been the most productive week for me, blog wise, and there is a reason for that.

On Friday 24th I had to go into hospital for an emergency hernia operation. I had an inguinal hernia in my lower abdominal. Actually had it in a mild form for a long time but never been a problem. Then suddenly it was. Kicked off the day after I returned from Macau.

For a few days I tried to bravely overcome the pain (though admittedly I don't do pain very well) but by Friday I was in a bad way.

Fortunately, there are a couple of very good private hospitals in Chiang Mai and I went to one of them - Chaing Mai Ram Hospital. If you're a tourist and you've had need of hospital treatment in Chiang Mai then the chances are this is the place you went to.

I arrived at the hospital around noon, almost faint, and three hours later was having the full operation under general anaesthetic. Only stayed in for one night but since then not been very active at all.

No driving, certainly no running, alas no sex, not even much walking. So not the most exciting of weeks, as you can imagine. Though fortunately can still work a computer.

Thing is, they shaved all my pubic hair for the operation and the whole of my groin area itches like hell. I know its getting better but meanwhile I just want to walk around with my nether regions exposed to the cool breeze. Not a good idea. Thais don't take well to nudity.

Anyway, have one exciting event on the horizon and that is a month long trip to Taiwan in April. Looking forward to that. Mix of work and pleasure, though reckon the pleasure will far exceed the work.

My wife reckons its all down to karma (actually, she puts most things down to karma) in that the hernia is due to me being over active in other parts of my life (will leave it to you to work out which part of my life she is mostly referring to). So, if you like, a metaphysical and physical 'rebalancing' of my life.

Me, I just reckon it was the Gods clearing the way for me to have an exceedingly active and energetic April.

How To Spot A Transvestite

2012-02-26T19:09:00.001-08:00

Following on from my last blog on the weird and wonderful world of the Thai National Exam Board and the questions they set for this year's intake of High School students applying for university, how about this one;

Q. What is the defining characteristic of transvestite behaviour?

a) Sexual gratification from collecting the underwear of the opposite sex
b) Sexual gratification from wearing clothing of the opposite sex
c) Sexual gratification from peeping into toilets being used by others
d) Sexual gratification from relationships with people of the same sex
e) Sexual gratification from showing off one's sexual organ

Correct answer is 'b'. (apparently)

Would you believe it?

Well, this is Thailand, so yes I do believe it.

What is even worse is that this question apparently "tests students' memorisation of content of a textbook".
Fuck, what textbook is this? Certainly not one I have ever come across in 20 years teaching and research on gender and sexuality.

Multiple choice questions based on simplistic, outdated, stereotypical, confusing, and inaccurate perceptions, designed by some old geezer (almost certainly male) who doesn't get out much.

And these are meant to assess whether a Thai High School student is intellectually equipped for university!

Come on Thailand, wake up! Its 2012, not 1912.

For more on this one go to;

http://www.nationmultimedia.com/national/O-Net-test-stuck-in-20th-century-academic-says-30176752.html

Sexual Urge? This is what you do.

2012-02-25T21:47:00.000-08:00

If you experience a sexual urge, what should you do?

A) Play soccer with your friends
B) Seek advice from your family
C) Try to sleep
D) Go out with a friend of the opposite sex
E) Invite a buddy for a movie

Answer: Play soccer with your friends

Well, thank goodness for that. If I'd had that vital advice in my youth I would by now have had fewer marriages, fewer divorces, a load more money, and maybe even be able to kick a ball straight. I may also have had more sleep. Though I wouldn't have had so much fun.

You might judge this question rather bizarre and the 'correct' answer highly sexist if not weird. Well if you do then you should ask Thailand's Education Exam Board to explain themselves because they set this question as part of their recent National College Entrance Exam. High School Seniors across Thailand have to pass this test as part of their overall assessment for university entrance. Its a general knowledge test aimed at assessing the students' 'Thai social awareness' - something taught in all Thai schools. The test was taken on the 18th and 19th February and immediately following it Twitter feeds and web forums across Thailand went crazy due to the frenzy of postings by students eager to express their disgust, incredulity and mockery at the exam questions.

Here is another one:

Which boyfriend/girlfriend behaviour is appropriate in Thai culture?

A) Shopping arm in arm
B) Going for a meal and a movie together
C) Lying on the other's lap at the park
D) Taking an overnight trip to the sea together
E) Spoon-feeding each other at a restaurant

Answer: Going for a meal and a movie together (though shopping is fine just don't hold hands while you do it)

Yes, this is Amazing Thailand folks, where the older generation are in complete denial or completely ignorant of the reality of modern Thai youth's pastimes. Don't ask me to elaborate - I don't want to embarrass the Thai powers-that-be any more than they are already. Just lets say that there is a lot more going on with Thai teenagers than playing football and watching movies.

Bear in mind that this is a country with an education system in steady decline if not crisis, where the average grade for English on this very same National College Entrance Exam (2011) was 28%, maths 20%, and Thai language itself only 54%. The typical Thai 17 year old leaves school with a level of education somewhat on par with an average 7 year old in the UK. Yes, barely able to read and write, with little maths ability and absolutely no knowledge of the world outside Thailand. Only a relative few Thais make it to a 'proper' university - though there are loads of private universities in Thailand only too willing to give out a 'degree' for money and little effort from the student (attendance rate on most Thai college courses is about 50%).

Which is why the international schools in Thailand are growing in number and importance.

Where do you think the monied, elite Thais send their kids? Yes, to the best Internationals Schools all of which offer the British Curriculum (GCSEs and A levels) or the International Baccalaureate.

For more on this story and other examples of how Thailand is currently getting itself tied in knots and a dire state of confusion trying to retain a traditional but largely mythical 'Thai social culture' in the face of a much more powerful and highly seductive global modernity go to;

http://www.bangkokpost.com/opinion/opinion/281571/values-face-off

Macau

2012-02-23T01:51:00.000-08:00

Here is a question for you. Which part of the world is growing, economically, at the fastest rate?

Answer: Macau (growth rate last year was 35%!)

You have to see this place to believe it. And last weekend I did see, and I did believe.

After several millennia China has finally woken up and its people want to play! And where are the 150 million newly made middle class Chinese going to do this playing?

Answer: Macau (80,000 visiters to this tiny peninsula off the south coast of China arriving every day - the majority of them mainland Chinese. 120,000 visiters in Macau at any given moment)

Once they arrive by ferry or flight, these newly prosperous Chinese flock in droves to the Macau casinos.

The Macau airport is still small but already services daily flights from across China and, not surprisingly, Bangkok (being a Buddhist country, gambling is forbidden in Thailand)

And Chinese love to gamble. They love making money but they seem even more happy losing it in these awesome Macau casinos. Though there are some very big winners.

Here are some more facts on Macau (and the Cotai Peninsula where the gigantic new hotels/casinos are being built):

Mainland Chinese represent 90% of the gamblers in the casinos

There are 24,000 hotel rooms in Macau - soon to quadruple in number.

The average visitor stay is 1.5 nights. In Las Vegas it is 3.5 nights.

Last year every Macau citizen received a 6000 HK dollar cash lump sum (£600) gift from the Macau government (actually, the Chinese government because its all part of China).

There is hardly any tax in Macau, at least for the Macau citizens.

50% of the visitors to Macau just stay one day - not overnight. As I say, they just head straight for the casinos and gamble.

In 2015 the $10 billion Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macau bridge will be open - then they'll be flooding in.

Macau already equals Las Vegas in gross gaming revenue.

By 2020 the forecast is that annual gross gaming revenue in Macau will be, wait for it, MOP$2 trillion. That's US$260 billion!

There is no unemployment in Macau - there are more jobs than people to fill them.

12 new hotels (with casinos) are planned to be built in the next decade.

The world famous Sands Hotel of Las Vegas opens in Macau in April. It will be something special, but then it needs to be if it is to compete with the likes of the Venetian, the Conrad, the Lisboa, the MGM, the Galaxy, the Hard Rock and the City of Dreams - just seven of the amazing hotels already established in Macau.

Do these places sound fancy? Yes they are. Though certainly not culturally sophisticated in the way of, say, a luxury Parisian or Viennese hotel. But do they need to be? Not really because the Macau giganticas cater for a very different market: imagine a Chinese family, first generation not to be starving, with money in their pockets and who have never ventured outside of China. For them, Macau is heaven on earth. In fact, a lot more glamorous, if tasteless, than heaven is likely to be.

Look, what am I saying here?

Well, get ready for change. The 21st Century is the time when the Chinese dragon gets to roar.

My other observations on Macau?

The large number of Eastern European female sex workers working the casinos. (the Chinese males love to be able to buy white female skin). Cost of 45 minutes with a lady sex worker from, say, Kazakhstan? About £250 but negotiable. I just asked. I certainly did not buy. And I timed them when they went off with a client. All over very fast.

The intense security - cameras everywhere. Yes, everywhere. Once you enter the casino district you can assume you are being watched by someone.

The grotesque design of some of the casinos (whoever designed the Macau Lisboa should be shot - it totally destroys one of the few pretty parts of old Portuguese Macau)

The shopping is amazing. I stayed at The Venetian - you just walk from the hotel area into an extensive covered shopping mall, designed like a Venetian plaza, along with singing Gondoliers and boats sailing up and down, and you spend your money in probably the most comprehensive and physically accessible range of designer shops I have come across anywhere in the world.

The hotel rooms - I stayed in the smallest Venetian hotel room and it was about 70sqm. Cost about £200 per night all in. Maybe over 2000 rooms and it was full last weekend!

The Chinese don't go to Macau for fun, they go to gamble. And they are intense at it. Straight off the ferry, to the casinos, and that is them sorted for the rest of their stay.

The shows are awesome. Go to Macau just to see 'The House of Dancing Water', the HK$2 billion production, directed by legendary showmaker Franco Dragone, which opened at the City of Dreams hotel in September 2010. Its been a full house there ever since. And not surprising, because this show is almost impossible to describe in words. It is truly the most remarkable and imaginative bit of theatre I have ever seen anywhere. Its probably the best show in the world right now. All water based, with olympic divers in the performance, great music, wonderful setting, truly unbelievable. Alas, you will miss the legendary Zaia Circus de Soleil show at the Venetian because its last ever performance was on Sunday. I saw it on the Saturday.

But the part of my 2 night stay that I will remember most fondly?

Well, my chats with Patrick, my friend from HK, well into the early hours - sitting in one of the main casino bars, chatting to the waitresses from Bali and Manila and watching humanity gamble itself to death. And my visit to old Macau, especially the 17th Century Portugese fort and the tranquil area around the Governor's House - and the ancient church nearby where I happened to meet a lovely French nun in her 60s who has lived in Macau most of her life (she doesn't visit the casinos).

Life is truly enhanced by the simple pleasures.

So keep your casinos (I ventured £20 on a slot machine, promptly lost it, and never returned), and even your enticing designer shops, go to Macau just to be amazed at what the Chinese mainlanders like to do with their money. And the imaginative, seductive ways that corporate business has of taking that money off them.

You want to make money? Then go to Macau to work, not to spend. Just make sure you take plenty of paracetamol (for the headaches you'll get having so many noisy people around you 24/7) and sleeping tablets - because this place never rests and nor will you.

Why the Thais have perfected penis reattachment surgery

2012-02-14T01:59:00.000-08:00

This morning (Wednesday 15th Feb) I fly to Hong Kong and then Macau for a few days. Back early next week. Been to HK many times, but first trip to Macau. Looking forward to it.

I don't expect to be blogging while away, though will catch up with a special review of Macau (the 'Las Vegas of the Orient'?) on my return.

So please be patient.

I know you follow my blogs with dedication :-)

Meanwhile, here's a thought to be going on with. A few blogs ago (7th January, 2012) I wrote about Bangkok as a place to get one's 'penis enlarged'.

That blog attracted a lot of readers.

So moving from engorged cocks to the total absence of them......where would you go to get your penis removed?

Answer: Thailand. Where else?

Go to one of the many private surgeries just outside Bangkok to have your penis removed by an expert. And it works - ask my friend Ally.

Or for a more spontaneous if painful method, fall in love with a Thai woman, cheat on her, and then see what happens.

So many Thai women cut off their husband's cocks out of anger at being cheated on the hospitals have had to perfect penis reattachment surgery.

Just google this and see what comes up (pun not intended):

'penis reattachment surgery in thailand'

Amazing Thailand? You better believe it.

Valentine's Day and Polyamory Love

2012-02-13T02:22:00.000-08:00

A Happy Valentine's Day to all my friends around the world. May you each enjoy all the fruits and pleasures of deeply intimate love and uninhibited sex. And if these two happen to be combined in your life then you are experiencing Eden itself.

OK, I may not be having an intimate and sexual relationship with you all but should that small detail stop me wishing you well on this romantic of days? No, of course not.

And, anyway, I know that many of you will have more than enough loving attention from lovers and spouses. Though no harm done in having a little bit extra as well.

One of you, and you know who you are (yes its you), only has love attention from me. So this Valentine's Day's wish is given with you in mind especially.

I am sorry, but I cannot be drawn any further on that person's identity.

They remain hidden from view. At least the international gaze of this blog.

So, that aside, what is the future of Valentine's Day?

It will continue in its present form which is genuine love and romantic intimacy mixed with crass commercialism.

The interesting trend, at least for me, is the emergence of new forms of love, relationships, sexuality and romance. And this I have explored in depth in my new book, 'The Relationship Manifesto'.

But I am not the only one signalling change here.

A word that you are going to hear more and more of over the coming years is POLYAMORY.

In a way, I have introduced a polyamory tone into my Valentine's Day message - e.g. the idea that we can have more than one love not only in our lives but at the same time.

For a really interesting article on the new directions that 21st century love, sex and romance is taking, including the rapid rise in the number of polyamorous relationships, follow this link;

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/romance-passion/article6700186.ece

So, with that in mind, here is my love wish for the world:

That we reduce the number of religious radicals by 100% and replace each and every one of them with a sexual radical.

For too long the world has suffered from a surfeit of religious militants and deficit of sexual ones.

Lets join hands, love and kiss each other, and start to redress the balance!

Happy Valentine's Day!

The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

2012-02-11T01:26:00.000-08:00

Its Saturday, the weekend, and you are at home relaxing alone, with friends, family or lovers. This is not the time to be thinking of death and regret. But that is where I am taking you.

A couple of weeks ago the UK national press reported on an interesting new book called the 'Top Five Regrets of the Dying'.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

The author, Bronnie Ware, is an Australian pallative nurse who has spent many years nursing the dying. Ware notes the 'clarity of vision' that people gain at the end of their lives and how we might learn from their reflections and new-found wisdom.

Ware says that "When questioned about any regrets they had or things they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again."

These themes end up being the 'Top Five Regrets of the Dying' (in order of priority):

1. I wish I had had the courage to live a life which was true to myself, not the life others expected of me. (if you live your life worrying what other people think of you then you are not living your life)

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. (apparently, this came from every male patient - all you stressed out corporate men take note. Heaven doesn't need any more leaders or managers)

3. I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings. (let it out, don't bottle it because you cannot cope with emotional expression, yours or others)

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. (and that doesn't mean being on facebook. We are talking real friends here)

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. (happiness is a choice. Choose it or not, up to you)

Personally, if I was dying tomorrow I'd have none of these. But to live my life my way (not meant to be a cliche) then I have had to risk, and often accept negative judgement even condemnation from others. I long ago gave up working hard. I enjoy work, I just don't want to do it all the time. Friends are precious. I long ago learned to protect mine. I came to realise that the reason men do not do emotion very well (other than anger) is because they feel it makes them weak. (Women, don't copy the men on this one). And as for 'happiness', well imagine 7 billion people all relying on someone else to make them happy. See my logic? Its not going to happen. Don't rely on anyone. Be happy for yourself.

That said, its taken me six decades to get to such a stage of self-actualisation. I certainly wasn't there in my 20s and 30s. i was perhaps half-way there in my 40s, though I have still a bit further to go. Hopefully I will get the time to get there.

OK, back to an easy, work-free, happy, friendly, emotional weekend doing what you want to do.

Enjoy. The clock is ticking.

Good Karma from India

2012-02-07T01:10:00.000-08:00

I want to say hello to all my readers from India. For some reason my website and blog have been getting hundreds of hits from the Indian subcontinent over the past few months, especially since I updated my website and made it more accessible (thank you, Ally Taylor). As many of you will be aware, with google analytics its possible to track the audience hitting on your website. And India is way up there on mine. In regions like Maharashtra, Karnataka, Delhi and Tamil Nadu (three of these I have never heard of) my website seems particularly popular (relatively of course, as India has a massive population).

One of the consequences of this increased exposure to Indians is that a number of them are taking up my offer of free relationship advice and contacting me via email with their relationship problems.

It is all quite fascinating. Though in truth, Indian men and women have pretty much the same relationship problems as everyone else, coloured a little certainly, by their own particular culture.

So please, all my Indian readers out there, carry on sending me your individual relationship problems. I will help as best I can. As I say on my website, it costs you nothing.

So what do I get in return?

Good karma.

Yes, the Indians know what I mean by that.

Remembering without regrets

2012-02-05T21:29:00.000-08:00

Sometime over the next couple of weeks I am going to blog on regrets. Though I tell you now, as far as I am concerned its Edith Piaf's,

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien*

But many of us do have regrets, especially when we are close to death and life is slipping away. At that point we have to confront the reality of our life, the way we chose to live it and the consequences to us and others, and so not surprisingly regrets there may be. But more on that in my upcoming blog.

My mum passed away on 1st October 2009. She was 89. I miss her very much and think about her lots. She was a major inspiration in my life, my motivation to do many things and explore my limits. She always encouraged me, never judged me, always stood by me even those times, especially those times, when I got myself in the shit. She certainly helped me to live my life my way and to do so without regrets.

She was, without doubt, a very special woman; strong, stable, kind, insightful and loving (I probably became a pro-feminist because of her - though she would never have labelled herself one). Anyway, I don't know why but right now I feel the need to tell her that I love her lots and lots and to do so through my blog. So bear with me.

The three photos below were taken in April 2005 in Sabden, a small town in the middle of the English Pennines (a long train of hills which run through the middle of northern England). My mum, on the left, is with her younger sister, Margaret, who passed away last year. (another very special woman). They were having a day out exploring Sabden where their mum and dad lived in the early part of the 20th century, before they both were born.

I know only a small number of you who are reading this will have met my mum, but I guess I would just like you to know who she was. She was worth knowing. She is certainly worth remembering.

* Everyone should hear Edith Piaf's amazing song at least once in their lives. Here it is for you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFRuLFR91e4

Doi Suthep Gets Conquered

2012-02-05T00:12:00.000-08:00

Following on from yesterday's blog - I got my result: Doi Suthep 0 v Stephen 1. Very pleased. Ran the 10.5kms in 65 mins. Felt it at the end, especially on that last steep 1km push up to Wat Doi Suthep itself, but really I am delighted with my time. Came in 3rd of my age group (60+). I know, those of you in your 20s and 30s who are reading this probably don't reckon there are many guys over 60 who can run that fast. Well I have to say that Chiang Mai has more than a few of them. Some very tough older Thai guys here, well used to running up and down mountains. I do have to be at my best to get in amongst the trophies. The first photo shows me receiving mine this morning. The second photo is with my step-daughter at the finishing line.

The race started at 6am and for 30 minutes it was pitch black going up the mountain road. Couldn't see a thing in front of me, only the shadows of other runners. All I could hear was my breathing, the occasional waterfalls we passed and insects chirping away in the jungle on either side of the road. Strange, slightly disorientating feeling. Running uphill in those conditions you just have to mentally switched off and go with the rhythm.

Planning two more races this month (Payap and Lampang) and that should be about it for this current racing season. Then need to get back to the gym and give my legs a rest.

Pushing My Limits

2012-02-04T00:10:00.000-08:00

Yes, I have made the decision. Tomorrow I am going to do the legendary Doi Suthep mountain race for the first time. I have been facing this challenge for three years now and passed, but not tomorrow. Its not too bad, at least its all winding road and not excessively steep, though the harsh reality is its 11kms and all uphill.

Starts on Doi Suthep road, Chiang Mai, just by the zoo entrance, and then immediately goes upwards finishing 11kms or so later at the footsteps to Wat Doi Suthep. This is one of the most beautiful Buddhist temples in the world - If you doubt that then check out these photos;

http://www.google.co.th/search?q=wat+doi+suthep&hl=en&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=J-UsT-b8HdDJrAek76i-DA&ved=0CD4QsAQ&biw=1359&bih=863

I am admitting, however, to being rather nervous about tomorrow. I have done a couple of training runs of around 9kms up the Doi Suthep mountain road over the past 3 weeks and felt ok, but this past 10 days have been troubled by a cold virus which peaked middle of this week. Not done hardly any training at all since my road race last Sunday but right now feel mentally and physically up for the challenge. I think.

I will let you know how I get on.

If you don't hear from me for a while you'll know why: Stephen 0 v Doi Suthep 1

Being An Effective Leader

2012-02-03T23:55:00.000-08:00

I am off to Hong Kong in 10 days time to do a bit of management consultancy work at an International School there;

- http://www.delia.edu.hk/

I was last in HK in November 2010, again doing education management development for Delia School of Canada. I like HK - modern, lively, diverse, historic and very entrepreneurial. For me, its the most advanced and sophisticated city in Asia and certainly the easiest for Westerners to engage with (apologies to Singaporeans and Tokyoians).

OK, HK is no Bangkok - there is no city anywhere like Bangkok - but HK is a great place to visit. Plus its cleaner!

The professional development that I am doing for Delia School of Canada is around leadership, specifically educational leadership. Not only have I researched leadership and management for many years now, I have been a manager and leader for most of my working life, though not anymore.

Nowadays all I have to manage is myself. Which is great.

I will be offering my audience of teachers a number of teasing questions and case studies around school leadership and management, so am anticipating a lively day.

One question I will be putting to them is whether they consider themselves to be 'sheep' or 'wolves'.

Sheep are never lonely but never lead anything. Wolves are always lonely but get to lead the sheep.

Which are you?

I will be finishing my development programme off with my very own '35 tips for Effective Leadership'.

I guarantee you will not have come across all these before. Many you will recognise, many will be new to you or unfamiliar in the context of leading others.

Want to find out what these 35 tips are? Then go to my website page:

http://www.stephen-whitehead.com/mba/tips-to-being-a-leader/

ps. More on leadership and stress in an upcoming blog.

Chiang Mai Road Running

2012-01-29T21:04:00.000-08:00

Someone very close to me tells me I look 'fantastic' in these photos (ok, she is biased), but being the vain and ego-driven male I am, here they are for you to view too!

They show me receiving my trophies at recent road races here in Chiang Mai. First photo was taken on the 15th January (Wiang Kum Kam road race - came in 1st). Second photo taken on 29th January (McCormick road race - came in 2nd).

Note that these are trophies for the 60+ age group.

(thanks to Poom, Suwit and Kai for taking the photos and getting them to me - see you at the next race my friends)

The 'Soft Side of Imperialism'

2012-01-27T23:12:00.000-08:00

One of the rather surprising experiences I am having living in Asia, and Thailand, is to see first-hand the continuing project of centuries-old Western Imperialism. In an age when Europe and the USA are themselves under increasing cultural, economic and social pressure - experiencing their very own ontological and existential crisis - then it is surprising to see just how many Westerners arrive in Thailand, and especially to beautiful Chiang Mai, intent on promoting certain American ideals and religious cultures and with a rather disturbing sense of duty and self-righteousness.

The large housing estate on which I live has quite a number of American families, mostly, I think, Mennonites. This is a rather unusual ethno-religious group from the Eastern States of USA especially, but with its roots in 16th Century European radical Protestantism. Its members, especially the women, still wear 16th century frocks and hats, even in tropical Thailand.

These people come and live in Chiang Mai for months at a time. Families will arrive here, stay in a rented house, then leave and be replaced by another group. There must be whole communities of Mennonites in the USA who have spent months at a time in northern Thailand. Presumably they are also in Cambodia, Burma, Laos. Strange thing is, I never see them actually mix with the Thais and as far as I can tell, they don't speak Thai, but they are still active in selling their religious beliefs to the locals, especially the indigenous Thai hill tribes in the mountainous north, many of whom have now converted to Christianity (of a sort).

The Thais tolerate them, but then the Thais are tolerant anyway. But why are these Americans (and other European missionaries) here in the first place? What gives them the right to try and convert Thais? Its arrogance. In fact, as this fascinating article below explains, what we have here is the 'soft side of imperialism'.

http://www.counterpunch.org/2012/01/25/the-soft-side-of-imperialism/

The author of this superb but hard-hitting article, Laura Agustin, is actually having a go at New York Times columnist, Nicholas Kristof. She is criticising his very ego-driven efforts to be part of the so-called 'rescue industry' now embedded in Western culture, especially the way he is promoting himself while apparently trying to 'save' needy Asians and Africans.

My friend, Adam Dedman of Payap University, alerted me to the article and I am glad he did.

You see, I have long had similar unease and even distaste at times for the likes of Bob Geldoff and Bono and their highly public 'rescue industry' activities. It just grates somehow, for me it smacks too much of Western arrogance though no doubt both these pop stars have a genuine desire to 'rescue' people worse off than themselves. (actually, Bob and Bono, both being Irish millionaires you could start in Ireland - things not good there right now)

That said, all westerners out here in Asia and similar environs can get caught up in this, me included. But it does always border on hypocrisy and latent imperialism. There are many injustices, terrible privations and desperate poor in the USA and Europe. But I don't see Asians and Africans heading West to try and sort them out or presume the cultural supremacy to do so. When was the last time you saw a South Korean or Japanese pop star in Europe trying to save trafficked girls or feed the starving homeless? It doesn't and wouldn't, happen.

Sure, the Mennonites and similar will say they are only here in order to 'save' the Thais. Though of course they just happen to get a nice paid 6 months holiday in Chiang Mai at the same time.

Maybe Cambodian and Thais Buddhists will one day visit Pennsylvania and New York State in their hundreds in order to try and rescue the poor American Christians.

Cannot see it happening. The Asians just don't have the same need to prove they are better than everyone else.

The 'New Women's Movement'

2012-01-26T18:40:00.000-08:00

One of the joys of my work and writing is to connect with very different and very fascinating people from around the world. Sometimes I get to meet them, most often I do not. But with the internet it matters less whether I do actually come face to face with the person. A lot can be said via email.

And every now and again I receive an email which just knocks me sideways. The one below is a perfect example. It is from a woman in the USA who I shall just identify as 'Bee'.

Bee and I have never met and never will, but the truth is I can sense her in the words she writes. Bee is similar to millions of women around the world today; women seeking a new reality, a new truth, a new honesty, a new way of being a sexual, sensual woman unfettered by traditional gender codes and values but who are still seeking love and commitment. These 'Bee''s are everywhere, and I have met lots, though few actually get to voice their emotions and thoughts to a wide audience. To label them feminists is partially accurate though most would probably not wish to adopt such a political standpoint. They are certainly not radical feminists, they are women who merely want the freedom to explore love, sex and relationships for themselves. They are women of every religion, culture, ideology and social identity each of whom, in their particular way, seeks to "challenge the conventions of relationships".

So, Bee, this is me thanking you for your email and your openness, and saying may the energy of good be with you and may more and more people join this 'movement' towards a greater human empathy, maturity and ultimately, enlightenment.

Stephen

As for my story:

I must say, reading Sex at Dawn was a turning point in my life. I had sought for a while to break down the constructions of society, to see the invisible assumptions so I could pick and choose where to comply. I had at some point in my sociology course realized that the industrial revolution was the coffin for women's rights. When employees had to have wives so they could work longer hours, when children were seen as mere wage earners, when the family spent most of the day disconnected emotionally and slaving for a wage, it became necessary for women to assume their burden of confining stereotypes.

In the months leading up to my reading Sex at Dawn, I had explore the Porc Therapy podcast because I had become enraptured by libertarian, free-market, private property, autonomous, almost anarchical politcal theory. Porc Therapy brought those 'ideals' to personal relationships. It was here I first heard of polyamory: The Ethical Slut was the last straw. The summer had just begun, so all summer long I identified as polyamorous at parties. Slowly, I found three men across a decent age range and background who were open to being part of a "network" as I called it. I knew none of us were serious enough to form a concrete relationship, so I defined the rules as follows: 1) honest communication with each other and other partners about the number of intimate connections, and the level of physical intimacy (health standards and all) and 2) honest communication about problems and success. There was no required amount of communication, nor did I insist they meet each other or introduce me to other women in their lives. And it worked really well. I got to know three really great people, all are still friends of mine, and I wasn't stressed waiting for my phone to ring, and whenever I needed a hug, it was not a huge deal if they didn't answer their phone. We were all free to live our own lives, but not condemned to live alone, if that makes sense. :)

All this cemented my libertarian leanings, because if we could be so autonomous, surely everyone can, right? (Haha) So when I read Sex at Dawn, I was utterly pro-private property. Thus, the most shocking part, for me, was the possibility that agriculture, division of labor, civilization, indeed private property -- these were the seeds of my apparent cage.

I was actually pretty upset. It seemed that to be happy as a human - reclaiming my communal roots - I had to give up the possibility of worldly success and achievement. But, to satisfy my drive to achieve, then, I would have to make myself on some level, miserable in the small corner of myself that yearned for humanity.

Slowly, I accepted this as probably true. I learned more from Alan Watts about Buddhism, and Zen, and letting go. I learned more from John Taylor Gatto about the potential which schooling squashes. I began a sort of synthesis when I encountered a podcast called The Next Step, which talks about Transition Towns and social revolution by way of reclaiming communities, and rejecting isolation, building companies that succeed and profit by rebuilding connections.

My dream became to buy a large plot of land, create a sustainable garden and a Bed and Breakfast where travelers could find community and connection to the earth, where I could employ people I love in jobs that didn't kill their souls. Where, if I found love eventually, it could be woven seamlessly into my life - no 8 hours at the office getting in the way.

And then I met a guy, who charmed me. My friend warned me that everything I described sounded like pick up artist techniques, and lent me a few books. (I am a super-nerd, I handle most things by studying them, including relationships). One of the books was called The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene. Much as Sex at Dawn threw me into chaos, this book had me in some strange grip, inescapable...

When I had finished, I called my friend Sean who had lent it to me. We took a walk. He knew that, since my "network" had disintegrated at summer's close, I had identified as emotionally polyamorous, but I-don't-know-what generally. I think I avoided relationships to avoid the confusion :)

On this walk, I told Sean how incredibly insane the idea of seduction is, because it points out that 1) women have seduced to get the power denied them through the ages and 2) people LIKE to be seduced, they WANT that flurry of excitement in their lives. Exploring polyamory helped me to realize there is a lot of truth to the claim made in the romantic comedy Hitch: "any man can sweep any woman off her feet. he just needs the right broom." In part, I realized that I enjoy connecting with people. And polyamory appealed to me because it meant I did not have to artificially truncate connections I felt growing just because I was "in a relationship" and sort of "owned" by someone else.

So polyamory let me practice using many brooms on many people, to establish connections from mere acquaintance to lover. But ultimately, I wanted to surround myself with a group of people who had potential. And when doing so proved to be nearly impossible while navigating pre-conceived norms, people's egos, and small-town notoriety, I realized that I could be monogamous if my friendships were allowed to be varied and intimate enough to create such a network.

BUT, and this was what I realized, I could only do that for a lifetime if my partner and I fully committed to seducing each other over and over. Because, wouldn't that be the most amazing thing ever? And if I had that, I could at least put-up-with every other social constraint - working 9 to 5, etc. I probably wouldn't, though, because the confidence boost would make me unstoppable. But you know, it wouldn't be as torturous.

Sean mentioned that I should call it "creating trust" rather than seduction, which brought up another point: The necessity of "creating trust" to create community. Even to run a bed and breakfast, to pull out reticent guests to have a full-blown experience connecting to others and the earth, you have to gain their trust. Then, you can help them comfortably shed some social conventions that confine them.

So I went on to read some of Greene's other works, notably the 48 laws of power. I was astonished to find that his suggestions all espoused Buddhist practices and finding a state of mind similar to enlightenment! Just weeks prior, my sister and I had taken a walk and discussed how reaching for enlightenment, and attaining it influence and impact one's relationships - both intimate and otherwise.

So... That's the most intensely short fly-over of my growth through discovering polyamory and libertarianism this past June, to essentially this week: 7 months or so. Thanks for being a key brick in that road, opening my eyes to the fact that questioning all the conventions of relationships is not something I am doing alone, but rather a worldwide movement.

:) Bee

13 Little Lies To Avoid On Your First Date

2012-01-24T19:07:00.000-08:00

Want a long-lasting relationship? Then avoid doing any of these when you first start dating:

1. Never lie about your age: Always be upfront about the years. Its not how young you are that's important, its how youthful you are.

2. Never lie about money: Pretending you have more money than you actually have will definitely come back and bite you on the butt further down the line.

3. Never lie about past relationships: Don't hide them, they are important. Why? Because these past relationships contributed to who you are today.

4. Never lie about the children you have. Yes, a strange one I admit, who would pretend they don't have kids when they really do? But some people do just this, especially men.

5. Never lie about wanting children: For some people, the desire for a child can be the reason they are dating in the first place. Be honest - if you want kids big time then say so. And if you loath the little things then reveal that also.

6. Never lie about being married: This, of course, is a big one. Look, if you are married then its going to come out sooner rather than later so be honest from the outset and avoid the pain.

7. Never lie about your health: If you have some nasty virus then you have a moral, if not a legal, obligation to reveal it before you start exchanging bodily fluids.

8. Never lie about your job: OK, maybe you would rather be the surgeon than the hospital orderly, but hospital orderlies are important too, so don't go all Walter Mitty and fly off into fantasy land in order to impress.

9. Never lie about your addictions: I agree, perhaps you don't want to get into some of your more anti-social addictions on the first couple of dates, but if you get asked "do you do drugs?", or "do you smoke?', or "are you addicted to Eastenders?" then answer truthfully.

10. Never lie about your sexuality: Lets be frank, we can all be tempted to do this early on in a relationship. After all, out on your first date you wouldn't expect to reveal your preference for watching S&M porn before sex, or your taste for bananas during it. But sex is one of those spheres which can make or break a relationship so better to be honest early on rather than wait until the wedding night to reveal that you are a determined celbate.

11. Never lie about your past. This is vital if you are going to be together for a long time. Because for sure your past will be a factor in your future. You don't need to reveal all immediately, just don't lie.

12. Never lie about seeing other people: This will be one of the first things asked on your very first date: "are you seeing anyone else?". This is always asked especially if you've met through an online dating agency. Be honest. Say you are if you are. Your date may not like the answer but she/he will appreciate your honesty.

13. Never lie about your religion: Don't lie about being a Scientologist if you are one, but at the same time my advice is to avoid any heavy religious discussion altogether on your first dates - unless you both happen to be theologians in which case it could be a potential turn-on.

So there you are, 13 little lies which can kill a relationship before its started. Some of these may appear more innocent than others, but they are each potentially poisonous to love.

But here is the trick; don't reveal too much of yourself on those first couple of dates. Don't be too eager to tell your prospective lover about every teeny aspect of your character and life. Keep some things back. But keeping things back is very different from outright lying.

Mystery and mystique you want, lies and deceit you don't.

A Thai Wedding in Nakhon Sawan

2012-01-23T03:24:00.000-08:00

Well here you are, as promised, the all singing, all dancing, full-on, big and fancy Thai wedding. It all took place last Friday in Nakhon Sawan, a large provincial city in central Thailand. In the three photos you will see, from top to bottom, firstly the bride (Jib) and groom (Yoo), with Mam and myself. Middle photo is the bride and groom receiving the blessings of invited guests. Bottom photo was taken around 7pm when everyone was assembled for the dinner (right at the back of the hall is the stage on which were stood various VIPs and the bride and groom, receiving speeches, giving thanks, etc. There was also a small band and various singers (not the best aspect of the evening as Thai's cannot sing - they are actually tone deaf, though the saxophonist was excellent).

Because the bride's father was a high-up at a local university, then the reception took place at that university. The whole day kicked off with a Buddhist ceremony and a contingent of monks from a local temple to give their blessing. That took three hours. From 1pm to 4pm the bride and groom were seated on the stage (see middle photo) receiving the blessings from close friends and family (they have to be knelt throughout this period, their hands clasped in supplication, while drops of water get poured over their heads and white string is tied around their right wrists by each person). Then the big dinner started around 6.30pm with hundreds of guests arriving - maybe a 1000 people - as you can see the massive hall was full to bursting. In fact it was so big they put up four large video screens so that everyone could see what was happening away on the stage. (the bride and groom are only tiny and could easily be missed altogether if you didn't look hard enough). Every aspect was duly recorded on video and camera.

Some observations:

No one threw confetti (Thais never seen confetti)

No bridesmaids to flirt with or snog on the dancefloor (no bridesmaids)

No dancing or disco (just a rather dreary band and drearier singers who everyone respectfully clapped)

No crying parents (Thais do not like to show emotion in public)

No best man (alien concept to Thais)

No honeymoon (another alien concept - everyone back working on Monday morning)

No one getting drunk and making an exhibition of themselves (no, not even me)

No men wearing black suits, white shirts and bow ties (black is only for funerals in Thailand)

No prawn cocktail, roast beef and trifle dinner (had a much better Thai eight courser - very tasty)

No wedding cake (Thais do not know how to bake a fruit cake)

No humour (Thais are very serious at these events - laughing too much would be seen as impolite)

Finally, again unlike British weddings, the Thais do not give presents to the bride and groom. They give money. The amount of money is put in an envelope with the names of the givers written on the front (empty pink envelopes are placed on each dinner table precisely for this purpose). These envelopes, once filled with cash, are then collected by the bride's family (who pay for most of the event) and opened the following day and each person is noted down together with the amount of cash they gave (usually between 500 and 2000 baht - £10 to £40). In years to come those same families will themselves have weddings and then its the turn of the bride and groom (plus parents) to give them some money. So the thing goes around and has done like this for centuries. Actually, the bride's father has given lots of money at weddings down the years and made a note of it all. Now it was his turn for payback. The bride's father and mother keep most of the money, with 20% split between the bride and groom and the groom's family.

I know, why not just go to Tesco and buy them a microwave?

Couldn't do that, just wouldn't be acceptable. Must follow the dominant culture at all times.

However, I can see a trend for more and more Thai couples opting out of this exhausting and tedious ritual altogether - i.e. doing what many British couples do nowadays - traveling to the Caribbean and getting married there along with just a few close friends.

Actually, come to think of it, why don't the Thais just travel to a beautiful Thai beach resort such as Koh Samui or Krabi and have the wedding on a white sand beach? Flights are cheap from Bangkok.

Actually, it was quite a perfect day, apart from one small complaint I had. There was no alcohol served during the dinner. This being a strongly Buddhist family and wedding ceremony, beer and wine was not on offer. Just as well I had a couple of bottles of Singha in the car.

The Big Thai Wedding

2012-01-19T16:00:00.000-08:00

I have my own personal joke about being wed:

"I am a supporter of marriage, I've done it 4 times"

Of course, those who know me well or who have read my book, The Relationship Manifesto', know that my relationship to marriage is, shall we say, complex. Put it like this, I love roses but then I also love orchids, water lilies, hibiscus, daffodils, and so on. I like my garden to be full of many different flowers, not least because that way you get colour all year round. Get my meaning?

My first marriage was the full-on traditional style, 'big wedding' (100s of guests, Rolls Royce carriage, church ceremony, reception in the local Masonic Hall and then off that evening to our holiday honeymoon in Spain). And why not? We were both only 22 years old and very much in starry-eyed love. I then repeated the 'big social wedding' for my second marriage, though while I was in love the 'starry-eyed' bit had by then faded somewhat. It was still a great day. (honeymoon in Bali). My third marriage (by now I was aged 53), had only six guests and was a brief signing in a Chorley* registry office followed by a meal in a local restaurant (yes, in love again). My fourth marriage, here in Thailand, was in two parts. First part was a Buddhist ceremony in Chiang Mai and this was rather special. I recall being on my knees a lot - it lasted about three hours. Second part didn't take place for another 18 months, but it was the legal bit and consisted of going to a local city council office in northern Thailand, sitting in a room, signing some marriage papers, having them witnessed and that was it. No ceremony whatsoever.

I could write a book about different types of weddings. Not just my own but the many I have also been a guest at.

And I could add a new one to add to the list because in a couple of hours my wife and I, plus my step-daughter, drive 500 ksm south to a large city in central Thailand - Nakhon Sawan - for, yes, a wedding.

This wedding will be the Thai equivalent of my first one - highly tradition, religious (Buddhist in this instance) and being Thai upper middle class families, all heavily scripted and socially choreographed down to the finest teeny portion of sweet Thai pastry. 100s of guests, everyone of which will know their place and the place of everyone else. The bride is my wife's sister and a teacher (30 yrs). The groom is a police officer (30). Given their respective professions I am expecting lots of teachers and academics and an impressive contingent of the Thai Constabulary - including some big brass. I will be the only Westerner attending. Which is fine because being a Westerner I am excused having to follow all the minute (and almost impossible to follow) Thai social graces which kick in at such occasions. So long as I don't pat anyone on the head or point the soles of my feet at other guests, then I should be fine.

Anyway, my wife is there to keep me in check.

Which is also why I must remember not to flirt with the bridesmaids.

Mind you, will there be in bridesmaids? Not sure, I will report back on Monday.

(I certainly won't be flirting with the monks)

*for my non-British readers, Chorley is a small and rather nondescript working-class market town in Lancashire, northern England. The registry office wasn't much to shout about either.

Happy Chinese New Year!

2012-01-18T19:57:00.000-08:00

Xin Nien Quai Lou!

Gong Xi Fa Tsai!

(Happy Chinese New Year)

(May the Year of the Dragon bring you much prosperity)

Staying with this Chinese-themed blog below are some timeless

words of wisdom from two of the world's greatest philosophers;

Confucious:

They must often change who would be constant in happiness or wisdom

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop

What the superior person seeks is in themselves, what the small person seeks is in others

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in getting up every time we do

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it

Lao Tse:

A journey of a thousand miles starts from beneath one's feet

Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear

I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand

Love of all the passions is the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses

He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still

And My Very Special Best Wishes for the New Year to:

Catherine Chen

Joy Chang

Patrick Lee

Are You A Lesbian?

2012-01-18T02:21:00.000-08:00

The concepts of gay and lesbian have always been problematic. For a start they are just too neat, too predictable, too tidy. And they too closely accomodate themselves into the dominant gender binary - i.e. the idea that the human species totally revolves, in all its aspects, around male and female, with heterosexuality the underpinning 'norm' and anything outside this 'norm' being 'deviant' and 'unnatural'.

I could rip this gender binary apart in a number of ways, but I will settle, today, for just one. The idea of being a lesbian.

What is a lesbian? Can anyone out there define this label, this identity? And if they can does this mean that all women who have sex with women become, de facto, lesbians?

Of course not.

Is a woman a lesbian if she wants to kiss another woman on the lips? Not necessarily
Is a woman a lesbian if she wants to kiss another woman on the breasts? Not necessarily
Is a woman a lesbian if she wants to kiss another woman on the pussy? Not necessarily
Is a woman a lesbian if she loves another woman? Not necessarily
Is a woman a lesbian if she wants to marry another woman? Not necessarily
Is a woman a lesbian if she is not sexually turned on by men? Not necessarily

Fact is, individual women are only lesbians if they choose to call themselves such and identify with that personal/political sexual identity.

For example, here in Thailand we have Toms and Dees. Toms usually present themselves as women with a strong masculine persona, Dees tend to present themselves as women with a stronger feminine persona.

While Tom and Dee couples are the most common, there are also Dee and Dee couples and Tom and Tom couples. Some Dees are married to men and have Tom girlfriends. Some Toms have never been married to a man and would never go down that route. At the same time, some Toms will have been married to men and occasionally have sex with men. They also have sex with their Dee girlfriends.
Some Toms and Dees are single and younger and just enjoying an intimate relationship with another woman. Some Toms and Dees are older women, trying out same-sex relationships for the first time in their lives. Some Toms and Dees are not Toms and Dees at all but just women who happen to be in a sexual relationship with other women. While, as elsewhere around the world, there are the many Thai women who simply have a casual and curiosity driven sexual interest in a particular woman and choose to explore it.

The permutations are endless and being acted out by millions of women, not just in Thailand but in your own local community, no matter where that community might be.

Do you get the picture?

Well, I hope not, because actually there is no picture. There is only a room full of mirrors and these keep changing. The whole social/sexual scene is totally fluid, and never more so than at this point in human history.

The only picture we can see is this unassailable, dynamic and unpredictable mix of desire, identity, culture and social transformation.

At this point I would like to turn your attention to the statement I make at the top of this blog:

"Women have become the men they once wanted to marry"

Such an interesting statement, origin version of which comes from Gloria Steinem.

For me, this statement helps understand why more and more women are availing themselves of the opportunity to have same-sex relationships. Such women will come in all varieties of culture, nationality, age and sexual desire, but for sure they are not all the stereotypical 'lesbian'. Many will consider themselves heterosexual, though they won't internalise this label to the point that it prevents them having great sex and loving intimacy with another woman.

With men on the downturn as a gender species, reduced increasingly to becoming also-rans in a new and emergent female dominated gender order, the likelihood of women turning to women for emotional comfort, good sex and subjective empathy and understanding, can only get greater and more common.

This does not, however, 'prove' that there are more lesbians, pro-rata, than say, a century ago.

It does prove that women don't need men in quite the way they used to.

Sex and the Over Sixties

2012-01-14T22:40:00.000-08:00

My podcast series started nearly a year ago and is coming up to its anniversary. Its been great fun to do these 50mins podcasts on everything from the Asian Mystique to Sex Work in Thailand. Go to;

http://relationshipmanifesto.posterous.com/

An upcoming podcast will focus on what the issus are for those of us aged over 60. Actually, the issues are for everyone hoping or expecting to reach that decade. So 60+ or not, you should listen in.

There is still a lot of ageism in society, especially when it comes to sex and the over 60s. Many people (and they are always young) imagine that sex desire or activity ceases when we reach our 50s, or even 40s. (usually the same people cannot imagine how they ever got conceived in the first place, e.g. their mum and dad being 'sexless'). Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, research published only this month confirms what many of us already know which is that sex gets better, not worse, as we age (at least it does for those who stay fit and healthy). And sexual desire certainly does not automatically lessen. Go to:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/12/sex-over-60s-older-people

For women, passing the menopause marks a time in their life when they need no longer fear pregnancy nor the pressure to conform to some female body stereotype; the gender shackles are cast off - how liberating! Similarly, as men age they can let go of all the masculine competitive crap that burdened them in their younger years and brought on so much stress and feelings of guilt at not always 'winning'.

At the start of the 20th century Western women were going into the menopause at age 47, and they had, on average, perhaps another five years of life expectancy. Today, the grand-daughters of those same women are going into the menopause in their early 50s but looking forward to another 30 years or more life expectancy. That is a lot of time to be celibate. It shouldn't surprise you to learn, then, that those in their 60s are anything but celibate.

The fact is, those of us now in our 60s are a social experiment. No society has been here before - ever. We are a demographic group which is completely debunking all the myths attached to getting 'old', what is means to be 'old', indeed when 'old' actually starts. For me, I am certainly not 'old' at 62 in the sense my parents and grand-parents were at the same age. Yes, around the world, we in our 60s are re-writing the rules on ageing, and especially on sex an ageing.

I am not going to get personal here, other than to tell you that I have had loads more sex, as a weekly average, since I turned 59 than I had through my late teens, 20s, and 30s. I am as active as I was in my late 40s. Nothing has slowed. Nothing has stopped working - and certainly not my imagination.

In fact, I can see a new career opening up - 60-something porn star. Seriously. If there are any porn studies out there looking for a new male actor, a fit, presentable, mature and experienced one, to join their cast, then look no further. I am available. And I can offer references.

However, I do recognise I have some serious competition; not least a certain Mr Shigeo Tokuda of Japan.

If I had a male hero list, he would certainly be on it. Check out this youtube video on him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3T7MQsZhM9k

So those of you in your 20s and 30s, you've got it all to look forward to.

Save a Life, Save the World.

2012-01-11T02:11:00.000-08:00

Thought for the day:

"Whoever saves one life, saves the entire world" (Chinese proverb)

How many of us actually get the opportunity to save a life? Not many. Certainly it has never happened to me, at least not in the literal sense. But Chris Appleton, a young Police Officer in Greater Manchester, UK, was presented with the opportunity to save a life. And he did.

Chris, youngest step-grandson of my boyhood friend, Brian Carey, was out on patrol in October of last year when he received a call to respond to a serious road traffic accident. Being nearby at the time, Chris was the first of the emergency services personnel to attend the incident. A lady had lost control of her car, crashed, and by the time Chris arrived she had already died at the wheel (sudden death syndrome).

Chris, however, revived her and brought her back to life.

According to Brian, Chris is "very matter of fact about it all, though I think he has contributed more in that one small action than most of us do in a lifetime."

I agree. What a Christmas present Chris gave to that lady and her family.

The true heroes are those who save lives, not take them.

Get Your Penis Enlarged In Bangkok

2012-01-07T17:22:00.000-08:00

Living in Thailand is many things but it is never dull. Here is a news item from yesterday's Bangkok Post newspaper:

Car penis massage service busted

Police arrested a 33 year old man in Bangkok yesterday for allegedly providing "penis enlargement massage".

Jakrawuth Praesanom was arrested in a sting operation by police from the Children, Juveniles and Women Division at a parking lot on the second floor of Central Pinklao department store in Bang Phlat district around noon.

They accused Mr Jakrawuth of being involved with the operators of a gay massage parlour that police had raided earlier. The gang ran their illegal business by posting advertisements for penis enlargement massage in male toilets in Bangkok. The advertisements claimed it could provide "delivery special massage" (sic) that could boost the performance of the male organ.

Police arrested Mr Jakrawuth as he was about to perform his 'special massage' for the undercover policeman in the back of his car.

Police charged him with opening a clinic without permission and performing medicine without a licence.

As the late, great, British comedian Tommy Cooper used to say; "You gotta laugh haven't you?"

Getting Older and Other Myths

2012-01-06T04:06:00.000-08:00

How much of the ageing process is social conditioning (i.e. we see someone with a few wrinkles and expect them to be mentally slower than someone with none) and how much is the inevitable outcome of biological decline?

I ask this question because in today's press there is much being said about longitudinal research just published, undertaken by City University London and a research centre in France,which claims our cognitive powers and performance start to decline after 45. Actually, a 3.6% decline in mental reasoning between 45 and 49 increasing to a 9.6% decline for those aged 65-70 (see link below).

Of course, the press are having a field day, not least because this type of study panders to prevailing stereotypes about ageing, getting 'old' and being 'past it" I haven't read the full research so I am only going on what I have read in today's press, but really this type of 'objective science' is full of questions. OK, full of holes if you must.

For example, what happens to those individuals who do further studying after 40, are they wasting their time? What about those who start new careers post-40? Does this mean that anyone who gets promoted after 45 is functioning at a lower cognitive level than when they were doing a lesser job say 10 years earlier? Why do we bother keeping teachers, bureaucrats, politicians, indeed researchers themselves in post after the age of 50? What does this research imply for those countries, such as the UK, with an ageing population now expected to be continuing to work to, say, 70? Why are universities, the epicentres of higher learning and cognitive ability, mostly staffed by professors aged over 45?

Why is it some of great geniuses of history did their best work aged over, not under, 45? For example,

Albert Einstein (led the development of the atom bomb in his 50s)
Charles Darwin (published the Origin of the Species aged 60)
Leonardo de Vinci (produced some of his most amazing work in his late 40s and 50s)
Pablo Picasso (painted Guernica at the age of 56)
Abraham Lincoln (became 16th President of the United States at the age of 52)
Winston Churchill (twice British Prime Minister; firstly in 1940 aged 66, secondly in 1951 aged 77)
Queen Elizabeth I (laid the foundations for the future British Empire in her late 40s and 50s)
Emmeline Pankhurst (British leader fighting for Women's Suffrage in her 40s and 50s)
Nelson Mandela (spent 27 years in prison and only started to build the new South Africa in his 70s)
Queen Victoria (expanded the British Empire for 63 years until her death aged 81)

I could go on but I need to get to bed early - I have a 10kms road race at 6am tomorrow (which I hope to finish in under 42 mins), plus for much of today I have been working on my 11th book.

(I am 62 - my first book got published when I was 50. I got my doctorate at the age of 47. I didn't start teaching in universities until I was 48. Oh, yes, nearly forgot, I failed my 11+ exam and left school at 14 with no qualifications whatsoever)

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/life-ends-at-45-study-reveals-when-our-mental-powers-start-to-diminish-6285644.html

101 on Fire(works) 31st December 2011

2012-01-02T02:25:00.000-08:00

Stop whatever you are now doing and watch this!!!!!!!!!

Have you ever seen a more spectacular New Years' Eve firework display?

I doubt it.

This is Taipei 101 Building at midnight on 31st December 2011, as seen from a party going on across the road. Attended by Gavin, Jay and Joy.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150653337647542

In case you don't know, 101 building Taipei is the 2nd tallest building in the world, and was the tallest up until 2010.

(thanks Joy for sending me the link -wish I'd been there - maybe next year)

Life As One Long Celebration

2012-01-02T00:31:00.000-08:00

Well glad that's all over.

Thai tourists are leaving Chiang Mai and heading south in their droves to Bangkok; everyone has wished everyone else best wishes for the festive season; the firework manufacturers can take a week's holiday before preparing for NY2012; cats and dogs can get their first big-bang-free night's sleep for over two weeks; and the shops assistants can finally wind down because everyone is spent up and broke.

This morning it felt like normality was back again, and welcome too. And this is northern Thailand, God knows how you in the West must feel - mentally, physically, financially and emotionally washed out I suspect.

But then you don't have to go through it all again until December 2012.

Not so here in Thailand.

In just three weeks time, (23rd January) Chinese New Year breaks out. And believe me, here in Asia, CNY is bigger than Christmas in the West. The Chinese MUST be home for CNY. And given there are billions of them, most scattered around the world and especially located in the megacities of China, then you can imagine the logistical nightmare about to erupt. Or maybe you cannot. Well take the population of London (10 million), double it to 20 million then multiply that by 3 to represent Beijing, Shenzen, Shanghai, so 60 million and put them all on the move home. There you have it. The population of the UK with all, and I mean literally every single person, moving to their ancestral homes in the countryside or other town. Try getting a train seat in Shenzen anytime around CNY. Or a flight. Or even a bus. Not a chance.

The same phenomena happens in Taiwan, HK, Singapore and across all of Asia, indeed any place the Chinese are, which is pretty much everywhere. (HK and Taipei virtually shut down for 10 days) So yes, in just three weeks time CNY kicks off here in Thailand, though fortunately for us the Thai Chinese tend to play it quietly - maybe a few dragon processions. Though there will be big bang fireworks (sorry dogs).

For those of you unfamiliar with the Chinese Calendar, we will be in the year of the Dragon from 23rd January onwards.

And that is it, well, for eight weeks, because come April there is Songkran - Thai/Buddhist New Year. At which point the year will stop being 2555 and becomes 2556. Confused? You would be if you lived here because according to the Thai authorities I was born in 2482, not 1949.

Songkran puts Christmas, and the Chinese and Western New Years into the pale. Songkran lasts for over a week and is bedlam, especially here in Chiang Mai where the local population take the ancient Buddhist Songkran ritual of pouring drops of water over strangers' heads in a gesture of goodwill and for good luck to extremes you could not imagine.

So for those of us expats living in Thailand, normal service doesn't actually get resumed until around the beginning of May.

I think.

Its possible I've missed a celebration.

Anyway, whatever, it won't be Christmas and that itself is a great blessing.

Here's to an intellectually uplifting 2012 and much less electrobabble

2011-12-31T19:30:00.000-08:00

I hope you had a very Happy New Year's Eve and wish you well for 2012, whoever you are.

I myself attended a friend's New Year's Eve party last night - all was laid out perfectly; beautiful environment, great food, lots to drink, and a wide variety of people attending (here in Chiang Mai). There were English, Australian, Swedish, French, Thai, American, Indian, and some of an undisclosed nationality.

But I have to admit to being bored. It wasn't so much the company, but me. I don't do parties so well, reason being that I have a low attention threshold when it comes to making small talk. I like conversation, not superficial conversation but deep, challenging, rewarding, and intense discussion. The stuff that gets my mental juices flowing. Where we get to push back the boundaries of our knowledge and learn about each other.

Yes, I know, most people prefer the lighter stuff, not least because its easy on the head and the intellect and it doesn't ruffle any feathers.

But that is not me, and never has been.

What tends to happen is that when I find myself in company and the conversation is predictable (especially the boring chat that typically takes place between straight men; e.g. all about positioning, competition, defensiveness and not letting anything slip) then I spark it up - usually by talking about their sex, love, relationships - I challenge the social codes, the unspoken rules that tell us we cannot say this or that. And it works. Once people (especially the straight men) get over their initial shock, then they can be quite interesting to talk to and to listen to. Not all, for sure, but a lot.

But not last night. I didn't have the emotional energy to be bothered. So I just kept in the background and let it all flow around me. I stuck with the Thai women's group, which while their conversation was in Thai for me it was interesting just watching their body language and interpersonal communication.

I do think, though, that there is a bigger issue here. And it connects to what some commentators call the 'lost art of conversation'. I don't find many people with the art*, they prefer to communicate now on the internet, facebook, email, text, and de facto, at a manageable distance from others ('electro-babble'). And when they do talk face to face its mostly a mask. They hide behind their physical presentation of self, appearing sociable and happy, but not really engaging with conversation in its truest form. For fear of what? I do not know, though I can speculate.

In sophisticated societies and social groups good conversation continues, occasions to talk about life, love, philosophy and the meaning of truth, high-level discussion uncorrupted by boringly predictable talk of cars, sport, the latest apple iphone. But these moments are rare nowadays. Increasingly we seem to be foresaking challenging, enlightening conversation for the unimportant, superficial and instantly forgettable.

How sad.

Check out this article - its spot on in its assessment of how intellectually mind-numbingly boring most social events are nowadays:

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/roman-krznaric-are-you-hooked-on-gadgets-then-its-time-you-went-on-a-digital-diet-6283696.html

*Would just like to thank Catherine, Gaby, Maren, Ally, Trey, Napisa, Adam, Ishwar, Louis, Steve, Denry, and all my MBA Education (International) students for some highly stimulating and intellectually uplifting face-to-facers during 2011.

Designer Vaginas: Flapping Labia or Flapping Tummies?

2011-12-30T00:00:00.000-08:00

Before 2011 passes into history, allow me to deal with one of the most pressing issues of our time;

Why are so many young women having cosmetic surgery on their vaginas?

Now you may think me raising this question is simply an excuse to write up a sexy blog. No! I am serious about this.

According to research just published, vaginal cosmetic surgery is now the most common form of cosmetic surgery performed in the UK. The number of British women having this surgery has soared in recent years. From 404 in 2006 to possibly in excess of 5000 in 2011. The rates have been going up by 70% a year since 2007, and that is just those women having the surgery on the National Health Service. One private medical agency, The Harley Medical Group in London, claimed it alone had over 5000 enquiries for labiaplasty during 2011.

OK, for the innocent, ignorant and generally inexperienced, here is a definition of the most common terms being used in this process:

'Designer Vagina' - what a woman hopes she's left with after she has had the surgery - her very own personally designed vagina

'Labiaplasty' - trimming or removing the labia (lots of women complain about having 'excessively' large labia flapping around between their legs)

"Vaginal Rejuvenation' - often done after a woman has had children and decides she needs it all tightened up again. (though doing regular pelvic exercises can largely offset the need for this surgery)

'G-spot enhancement' - apparently 'big' in America, this surgery is done through collegen to make the 'g-spot' bigger (gosh, I am slipping into thoughts of Freudian penis envy here and must stop that immediately)

'Clitoral unhooding' - again, like 'g-spot enhancement' a process designed to enhance the woman's sexual pleasure rather than change outward vaginal appearance. (so for her benefit rather than her lover, I guess)

'Hymen reconstruction' - yes, for only $50 one can go back to being a virgin (technically, at least)

One of the big debates now surfacing amongst sociologists and the like, is to what extent this increase in women wanting 'designer vaginas' is about them seeking greater sexual pleasure or actually a response to the pornification of modern culture and women's anxieties about not being sexy or attractive enough. Certainly women's and men's bodies are nowadays constantly shown in sexual situations especially on the internet and many (though not all) of these sex actors appear to have stereotypically 'perfect' bodies, especially the women. This sexualised objectification then gets internalised by women viewers of porn who react by being dissatisfied with their own physical appearance, especially their vaginas.

It can be argued that a similar process is happening with men and in a future blog will explore men's apparent increasingly anxiety about their penis - size, shape and performance.

Meanwhile, back to women and their vaginas. Having been married five times and had a great many relationships with women of all ages, I can absolutely confirm that no two women are like down there. Each is subtly and tantalisingly different. Also each woman reacts differently to touch and foreplay and to how they become sexually aroused and reach satisfaction - climax. That said, both men and women will enjoy sex much more if they are comfortable with their bodies, especially the most intimate aspects of their sexual identity. Internalised sexual image anxiety can be a massive turn-off for both women and men, though men, being less sensitive and reflexive creatures, tend to plough on regardless.

My personal concern about modern women, especially those in the West, is their increasing obesity, not the look of their vaginas. My advice to any woman considering cosmetic surgery on her vagina is to first look at the state of her whole body. If she is obese, seriously overweight, unhealthy and unfit, then she would be much better off spending the money on achieving weight-loss and increasing her general health and fitness levels. Go to a gym, get a fitness coach for six months, start running, cycling or aerobics, anything to get the body working out, pulse rate up, and also the metabolic rate. And, of course, cut out any smoking.

Look good, feel good, be healthy, and you'll not only enjoy sex more when you have it, you'll be able to and want to, have it more frequently. You'll feel desirable as a woman and look sexy too (whatever your age). The positive inner vibes and energy you give off will itself attractive lovers. I can confirm this to be true because precisely the same process works for men, both gay and straight.

So all you women out there, worry less about your flapping labia and more about your flapping tummies.

For more on this fascinating subject see the following video documentary:

http://documentaryheaven.com/the-perfect-vagina/

What I wish for the world in 2012

2011-12-28T02:23:00.000-08:00

That all the homophobes around the world try gay sex at least once and cum.

That the Taliban convert to Buddhism.

That America finally falls out of love with guns.

That radical Muslims, Christians and Jews all start drinking or doing weed - ideally together. Anything to chill out a bit.

That sex work gets recognised as a legitimate profession of choice for both sexes.

That politicians in China, Brazil and India decide they do not want to emulate the West's 20th century 'economic miracle' but instead avoid it at all costs.

That whoever rules North Korea and Burma from here on at least starts to wear some modern fashionable gear and smiles a bit more.

That America decides its built enough prisons and starts building more colleges.

That British politicians give themselves 1/10 for their egotistical, pathetic and damaging four decade long interference in the UK educational system and decide finally to leave it to the teachers.

That ageism gets recognised as a unwelcome intrusion into the lives of all those who will no longer see 29.

That every country that has it, now abolishes the death penalty for any crime.

That every airline around the world employs ladyboys as air stewardesses.

That America wakes up to the reality that it is losing the so called 'war on drugs' and thereby rescues Mexico and much of South America from the hell its currently embroiled in.

That America and the UK finally decide not to take unilateral action against any country outside the remit of the United Nations.

That no more people join facebook or any other social 'networking' site and instead get back to communicating personally.

That Westerners living in Asia, especially the educated ones, stop trying to change the place and instead embrace it for what it is - which is not the West.

That all those young 'cool dudes' in the West recognise they are actually a lot more conservative, traditional and reactionary, especially when it comes to sex, than they'd like to admit.

That we stop eulogising Steve Jobs and instead recognise him to be what he was - a very clever, inventive and successful businessman.

That pop music gets back to its 50s and 60s roots.

That women around the world get in touch with their inner sex and stop insisting on monogamy as the ultimate and most critical verification of love.

That men around the world wake up to the fact that the age when males automatically ruled has now gone forever, and that having dick doesn't mean one has to behave like one.

That is all.......for now.

New Year Thank You's

2011-12-25T19:27:00.000-08:00

As we are now approaching the end of 2011, I would like to offer some 'THANK YOU's' to a few people who helped make 2011 memorable, pleasurable and special for me in a number of important ways.

This is not in any order of importance.

1. Chris Smith firstly for his persistent efforts to ensure The Relationship Manifesto podcast series not only launched successfully in February but continued throughout the year. Secondly, for managing to learn enough about epublishing to get the ebook version out into the public domain a month ago.

2. Catherine Chen for being one of the biggest and most welcome, if unexpected, surprises of the year; an incredibly interesting, intellectual and warm-hearted, 'Deep Demon' with her very own unique, enticing character and personality.

3. Gaby Corbera for her stalwart, unchanging friendship not least during those brief periods this year when life was not so rosy; her amazingly vibrant and positive energy, her sheer love of life and humanity, and for her joy in learning about gender, sexuality, people, love and exploring her own awesome possibilities.

4. Ally Taylor for helping me to learn more about the human dimensions to sex, sexuality, gender, identity and in a way which illustrates so powerfully the strength of will required to become one's own person. And secondly, for being such a wonderful woman today.

5. Jay Whitehead for showing the strength of character and determination to stick with his plans and begin the adventure of a lifetime here in Asia.

6. Gavin Whitehead for providing the support, opportunity, encouragement and most of all love to enable his brother, Jay, to be in Taiwan today.

7. Joy Chang for being there for both Gavin and now Jay.

8. Steve Cropper for being a consumate academic and teacher; a vital professional support, and a good friend with whom its easy to share many things.

9. Patrick Lee for Tokyo and all it entailed.

10. Denry Machin for all his efforts in making Harrow happen.

11. Dorothy Tyson for her consistent support and high level professional assistance.

12. Maren Peterson for being an important friend at a time when I particularly appreciated it.

13. Marie Blah for being an important friend at a time when I particularly appreciated it.

14. Suwanna Yantrauyaha for reconnecting after an hiatus of six years and opening up her new life to me.

15. Andrew Dobson for being a friend and also for his support for all aspects of The Relationship Manifesto.

16. Brian Carey for periodically reminding me that age, time and geographical distance do not necessarily wither friendship.

17. Anya Kingsford for being the most amazing friend; someone who, for years now, has offered me unquestioning and immediate help and assistance when I most needed it.

18. Mo for her professional skills, friendship and generosity of spirit.

19. Mam for continuing to surprise me while remaining as consistent as she is able.

20. Robert, Eleanor and Idea for helping enrich my year while also providing some of its challenges.

21. You for reading my blog and, I hope, listening to and reading, The Relationship Manifesto.

How To Be Old At Christmas and Wish No One Anything

2011-12-25T02:04:00.000-08:00

One of the wonderful if unexpected aspects of growing older is that over time one finds oneself in a place where one can do whatever one chooses, be whoever one chooses, act however one chooses - pretty much.

So long as its not deemed illegal then the actions of the older generation can be excused as idioscyncratic, eccentric, individualistic, or even senile. Justifications will be given and you will be tolerated. No one need say "he/she is old so let it be', it is accepted - a given.

So the older generation no longer have to pander to the egos of authority; suffer the behaviours of fools; pretend to enjoy the latest rubbish emitting from pop culture; dress according to the whims of some minor fashion merchant; act as a subservient idiot so as to aspire to being a plastic celebrity or indeed any other social identity; submit to whatever dominant cultural norms may be evident at that moment in society; or make Herculean but ultimately futile efforts to be the perfect parent or, indeed, grandparent.

It is such a marvellous release from social constraint and communal expectation I cannot tell you.

My father, who is 93 and living on his own in his smart and well-kept bungalow in the seaside town of Heysham in the north of England, embraces this opportunity with alacrity.

Today, Christmas Day, he chooses to be alone, speak to no one, answer no phones, be only by himself with his thoughts and memories. His two sons and daughter need not phone to wish him A Merry Christmas, he wishes it for himself. And he will phone no one to pass on such seasonal good tidings.

He has never flown in a plane, never mind attempt to switch on a computer or mobile phone. He is utterly, totally, and for the rest of his days and by his choice, unskypeable.

My father remains physically and mentally capable. This independence of others, even those who would assist him and try to make life more comfortable, is for him, his greatest gift and something he avidly protects. He can be all the descriptions above and more so, but he is himself. Today, Christmas Day, he will enjoy the traditional Christmas dinner he has prepared and cooked for himself. He will open few if any presents and is unlikely to have given any. He will eat the delicious mince pies and Christmas cake which he himself has baked. And he may partake of some red wine and port. And throughout this day, and tomorrow, remain alone with only the television for company.

To those of you who are younger, still caught up in the social and familial expectations of others -especially those who love you and whom you love in return - and who remain constrained, bounded and trapped by the judemental gaze of your community, I wish you to live long, live well, enjoy many Christmases. But I also wish you this second gift today, I wish you to embrace that time when you can really tell the rest of the world where to get off. And still be accepted for it.

Just Another Day in Paradise

2011-12-24T02:40:00.000-08:00

It is Christmas Eve as I write and all around me is snow, christmas trees, and festive decorations. The church choirs are in good voice and the deep mid-winter frost caresses all who dare to venture outdoors. The turkeys that are left alive breath a sigh of relief for another year. Mum is busy stuffing one of those that didn't escape while dad is preparing to climb down the chimney. The kids are so excited, not at the imminent arrival of Father Christmas, but the latest smart phone about to land in their Christmas stocking.

Actually, all that is only marginally true. Around me, in my home, there is no visible sign of Christmas whatsoever, other than a large and ageing Christmasy decorated stocking hanging from my step-daughter's bedroom door handle. This pathetic sop to Yuletide was not put there by me, but by her mother. I don't think any of us, not least my daughter, expects it to get filled by anyone, especially Santa Claus. So I guess tomorrow morning it will remain empty. (On reflection, I may put a tangerine in it - I am no Scrooge)

Although the time is now 5.30pm, the skies remain blue and the temperature ventured up to the high 20s (80f) around midday. Tonight, frost may be apparent on the tops of the highest mountains in northern Thailand, but certainly not in Chiang Mai.

But for sure there is snow, Christmas trees and festive decorations in Chiang Mai - yes, the plastic type placed in the shopping malls, shops and restaurants. Even my local massage parlour sprouts (pun) a couple of plastic Xmas trees with flashing lights.

But that said, there is this week a definite holiday feel to Chiang Mai. No, not all you Westerners coming East (you can no longer afford it), instead we have the Thais themselves coming north. From this week, when lots of Thai schools close for the New Year break, we have thousands of Thais coming up from Bangkok and other regions to spend a few days in Chiang Mai.

The roads into and around the city are full of Bangkok registered vehicles, full of families, all seeking...what? Well, not Christmas. They are Buddhist, or most of them. What they seek is a low cost holiday away from Bangkok and in a place that has inexpensive hotels and good food, is historic, beautiful and, especially, cold.

The Thais may put on fleeces and woolly jumpers when the temperature drops below 25c, but the truth is they love to feel the chill in the air. The reason being they never feel any chill from about 200kms south of Chiang Mai (at least not an outdoor chill - plenty of aircon chill is available).

Then we have one of the biggest garden spectacles in Thailand only a few kilometres from my home - the Royal Flora Gardens, which opened to big fanfare and over two million Thai visitors in late 2006, and is once again putting on quite an impressive horticultural show. You want to see orchids at their most fantastic and in a natural environment? Then come to the Royal Flora Show up the road from me here in Chiang Mai. Though be prepared to join the lengthening queue.

So for the next 7-10 days Chiang Mai will be heaving with seasonal visitors - the majority of whom will be Thais themselves, though for sure I reckon most countries will have representative tourists here also.

Me? Well I have long been extremely ambivalent about Christmas, though less so New Year. Tomorrow, Christmas Day, I plan a 14km easy training run around 7am, followed by emails and skype to friends and family around the world, finishing off with Christmas Dinner with Ally Taylor, Chris Smith and respective spouses in a very good Thai restaurant (with not a turkey or Christmas pudding in sight).

Just another day in this unique, exotic, erotic, and often contradictory, Asian paradise.

A Very Merry Gender-Free Christmas?

2011-12-22T20:21:00.000-08:00

Here is a seasonal thought for you - which gender benefits most from the Christmas Holidays?

I am going to podcast on this in a week's time, but meanwhile consider the fact that women are the gender expected to do the emotional labour in a family. That is, women are tasked by society to provide the harmony, comfort, connection, support, love, care and consideration which keeps families, and by implication, society and communities, together. *

Women are the one's who, at Christmas, will do all or most of the physical preparations (buying cards, presents, food).

Women are the ones who will usually work hardest at trying to ensure everyone enjoys themselves over the Christmas season.

Women are the ones who will do most of the planning, preparing and cooking of food over Christmas.

Women are the ones who will feel most guilty or bad if the Christmas season turns out to be a disaster.

Women are the one's who will take it upon themselves to ensure there is harmony in the family setting - trying to keep smiling, defusing arguments, massaging egos, encouraging love, warmth, intimacy and affection. They have to keep any children happy, family members happy, and of course, their husband and partner happy. And they have to keep smiling through all this; no retreating to a warm place by the log fire, swigging back the whisky while their husband slaves over a fat and roasting turkey!

This is a world-wide phenomena, not exclusive to the West but also very apparent in the East. And nor is it exclusive to Christmas. It is an aspect implied in femininity which exists 24-7, 365 days a year.

What I am describing above is both physical and emotional work and it can be exhausting.

This is a long-standing gender reality, and in ages past perhaps it was something women looked forward to. But do they look forward to it today? Maybe some do but consider the other fact apparent nowadays which is that women around the world are in careers and working just as hard if not harder than the men.

But the men can sit down and relax at Christmas - play with the kid's presents or just stuff themselves full of turkey and wine. Meanwhile, the women, their partners, are in the Double Shift - no time to relax during the holidays, but actually working harder than ever during them.

So now work out for yourself which gender benefits most from Christmas.

Have a Very Merry, gender-free, Christmas!

*Acknowledgements to Catherine Chen for providing me with the inspiration to explore this topic.

Zen Thought

2011-12-21T17:41:00.000-08:00

A ZEN THOUGHT FOR THE NEW YEAR:

"I KNOW NOT WHERE I'M GOING, FOR LIFE'S OCEAN WILL DECIDE -

IT'S NOT THE DESTINATION....

....IT'S THE GLORY OF THE RIDE"

With acknowledgements to Prof Steve C and Mr Edward Monkton

The Relationship Manifesto ebook

2011-12-21T01:47:00.000-08:00

This post is especially for all of you readers who are visiting me for the first time, perhaps having come across the advertisements for The Relationship Manifesto ebook now circulating on google and facebook*. Presumably, the adverts have led you to my website.

Just a few thoughts, then, about The Relationship Manifesto and its key message.

The book is A Smart Guide to Love in the 21st Century. It is for those who do NOT want to GET FOOLED AGAIN.

This book is not offering you myths of Happy Ever After in harmonious bliss, but of the reality which is that long-term relationships are hard work and not for everyone. Sure, none of us go into a relationship expecting, or indeed planning, for it to end. But they do. And increasingly so.

People are still going into relationships, but they are not going into marriage. Why? Because young people especially calculate that it's too risky. In the West we are now at a situation whereby a THIRD of all marriages end within 15 years. Most of these don't make it to 10 years. Marriage is going out of fashion, we are entering the first stages of what will become this century a 'post-marriage society', divorce is commonplace, more people are living single lives, more people are into serial love, sex and relationships.

I have not created this situation. I am just telling you what is happening.

And its not just in the West. We are seeing precisely the same dramatic changes in most every country.

The reasons for this are complex and I explain them in The Relationship Manifesto.

I also advise on how to deal with this reality so as to give your relationship the best chance of working out for you.

For example,

10-Year Marriage/Relationship Vows.

15 Relationship Promises that we can make to our loved one - none of which contain the word 'love' at all.

The Relationship Manifesto is the most explicit, honest and accurate guide to modern love, sex and relationships that you've yet read. Not only does it expose the myths and reveal the reality, it explains the 3 main types of love, the 5 main types of relationships, and the different ways in which men are responding to the changes in modern women.

So, a lot in the book. All of it fascinating, challenging and illuminating.

Enjoy the read!

*Would you believe but the adverts for the RM ebook have been shown globally on google and facebook a total of over 600,000 times since 7th December!

Happy Birthday to Gaby Corbera!

2011-12-19T19:04:00.001-08:00

A Very Happy 21st Birthday Greeting!

to a dear friend of mine:

Gaby Corbera

Gaby reached this special point in her young life yesterday (19th December, 2011).

Gaby, I wish you all the happiness and joy that life can offer

Here is a message for you (not that you need it but just by way of reminder):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nBCCs1FOGI

...and a song (OK, its an oldie, but the message is timeless)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4p8qxGbpOk

Gaby is a wonderful young woman, full of energy, life, goodness and sincerity. And she's smart.

(what a powerful combination!)

And to prove it here are some of Gaby's wise words on women and sexuality....

"Just be safe, pick your men, choose wisely, and let it beeeeeeeeee!"

Go to her blog to find out more: http://alandofsmiles.blogspot.com/

Christmas with The Relationship Manifesto

2011-12-18T00:10:00.001-08:00

Those of you who have been listening to my podcast, The Relationship Manifesto', or read my book of the same name, will know that I have certain ideas and thoughts on sex, love and relationships which are original, if not shared by everyone. This is what's make my ideas interesting - at least in my opinion :-)

We are now coming up to arguably the best known dates in the calender - 25th December and 1st January.

Happy Times? Maybe. But the truth is this time of year relationships are under a lot of stress. Our expectations of being 'happy, merry and joyous' at Christmastime are, frankly, a problem. They are unrealistic. If we cannot be so happy the rest of the year, why do we expect to be so on the 25th December? Whatever problems might already be in your love relationship they are very likely to get severely tested over the holiday season.

So here are some Christmas Messages to all you lovers out there and who are facing, yet again, the awesome emotional challenge which comes with modern commercial Christmas and New Year.

1. Enjoy every moment not because it is Christmas but because life is short anyway. One day in the not too distant future you will be returned from whence you came - dust and atoms. Just go with the flow of it - everything passes, not only Christmas but also you and your relationship.

2. If you are planning to leave your partner, don't do it over Christmas. Wait until new year. It just leaves bad memories for future Christmases - for both of you.

3. If you are having an affair avoid the temptation to secretly text your lover during the Christmas Dinner. Wait until after the pudding and port, when everyone is feeling drowsy.

4. If you are gay or lesbian and have not yet come out to your family, a good way to do so is to take your gay/lesbian lover to the Christmas Family dinner. Your mum and dad can then work it out for themselves. Just don't expect to be sleeping together in your parent's spare bedroom that evening.

5. If you are feeling sad, depressed and lonely this Christmas then do something an ex-wife of mine once did in London. She spent three nights over Christmas giving food and presents to homeless people sleeping rough. (She was lovely actually. Can't remember why we ever split up)

6. To avoid the sheer boredom of it all, fly off to enjoy a Swinging Christmas Party in Scandinavia or Northern Europe. (Northern Europeans definitely host the best swinging parties and you will likely get a snow ride as well).

Next week I offer you some Relationship Manifesto New Year Resolutions.

Totally Thai - but coming soon to an airport near you

2011-12-15T22:01:00.000-08:00

Aren't they simply lovely! Wouldn't you want them to serve you on a long-haul flight. I would!

You too can enjoy the unique Thai Ladyboy experience when you fly PC Air - Thailand's newest airline


Sorry Emirates, BA, Quantas, Virgin, and all the rest, from now on its the TALYFAX for me! : Thai Ladyboy Flight Attendant Experience - and at 30,000 feet. Find out more about this latest (and very desireable) stage in the ongoing sexual revolution of the 21st century by going to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/15/thailand-transgender-flight-attendants_n_1150967.html

Rock-On Sexual Diversity

2011-12-14T23:30:00.000-08:00

Okay, so what does LGBTQQIA actually stand for?

According to my informants it refers to

'Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer Questioning, Interesexed and Allies'

This acronym also, apparently, includes 'Same Gender Loving, Two Spirit, Asexual, Pansexual and Poly-amorous'

Well, that's pretty much all of us I reckon (including me as an ally and habitually poly-amorous).

Or maybe not, at least not those who are in the uptight-straight, hegemonically-masculine, gender-reactionary, radically-anti LGBTQQIA group.

Rock-on Sexual Diversity.

And before I go, here is one I made up earlier, just for you....

NIMF (nymph)

Meaning what?

'Not in My Family'

If you are unsure as to what this is referring then listen in to my Xmas Show Relationship Manifesto podcast this coming weekend.

All will be revealed.

Upcoming Blogs

2011-12-14T01:16:00.000-08:00

Staying with the theme of 'sexual bodily perfection' I will soon be blogging on the concept of the

'perfect vagina'

'perfect cock'

and especially to what extent any of this matters if one is in a loving relationship.

I am also minded to write a little about the differences between Western and Asian porn. And actually the differences are not so little, or they are little. Confused? (don't fret, all will be explained)

This is something I commented on at length in an upcoming episode of the Relationship Manifesto podcast - available this weekend on itunes.

Enjoy.

LGBTQQIA

2011-12-13T20:02:00.000-08:00

Acronyms have become a fundamental part of language and communication. How could we now live without, for example,

www
sos
lol
wasp
sms
aol

Teenagers are into acronyms big-time. In fact there is a website devoted to warning parents about some of the less than innocent acronyms being used by their offspring especially on facebook and mobile text messaging, for example,

HAK
KOTL
J/O
IWSN
LOVE
GYPO
GNOC

I could go on but it gets boring, unless you know what these otherwise innocent little letters actually stand for in the minds of little boys and girls.

One acronym that I use a lot is LGBT. Which as most of you realise stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered. Of course these four categories are not all encompassing of the sexual varieties around us. My friend, Adam Dedman of Payap University, recently alerted me to a much more expansive acronym now in circulation, one which apparently tries to cover all the angles, and sexual identities, of modern society. It is;

LGBTQQIA

What does this mouthful stand for? Believe me, you'd never guess.

I will reveal all tomorrow.

TTFN

Designer Vaginas

2011-12-10T21:01:00.001-08:00

Staying with the topic of women's vaginas, below is a very interesting article I came across this week in The Guardian newspaper.

There does seem to be a tendency for women in Asia to shave their pubic hair. It is as if having hair around one's vagina is considered 'dirty', 'abnormal' or simply 'unattractive'.

Personally, I think they are wrong. But on a more sociological level, I also go with the commentator below who makes the connection with 'designer vaginas' and the increasing 'pornification' of global culture. And, by implication, the intensification of the objectifying of women's bodies, even now at their most intimate level.

Not good. Young people especially have enough to worry about without fretting over whether their vagina's (or cocks) measure up to some banal pornified assessment of 'beauty and attraction'.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/the-womens-blog-with-jane-martinson/2011/dec/08/muff-march-designer-vagina-surgery

"Keep your mitts off our muffs!" "I love my vagina!" "You've put my chuff in a huff!" These are some of the slogans of the Muff March taking place along London's Harley Street Saturday morning (10th). Its aim? To raise awareness of the increase in gynaecological cosmetic surgery both on the NHS and in private clinics. The march, which has more than 300 supporters on Facebook, is organised by campaigning group UK Feminista and performance artists The Muffia, who dress up in nude bodysuits decorated with lavish pubic hair.

At its most modest, the Muff March is against the pornography-influenced obsession with removing pubic hair. But it's also about protesting against the sort of surgery that makes you cross your legs. Typical procedures on offer include labiaplasty (trimming or removing the labia) and vaginal rejuvenation (tightening - usually referred to as "designer vagina").

In the US this industry is worth $6.8m (£4.4m). In the UK the latest figures come from a 2009 report in the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology. It revealed that in 2008 the number of operations increased by 70% compared with the previous year: 1,118 labiaplasty operations on the NHS. (There were 669 in 2007 and 404 in 2006.) And that's just the NHS. The Harley Medical Group reported over 5,000 inquiries about cosmetic gynaecology last year, 65% for labial reduction.

Professor Linda Cardozo of King's College London recently warned of the risks of labiaplasty: permanent scarring, infections, bleeding and irritation. "The private sector is not recorded, audited or regulated. At least if you have it on the NHS you have to go through your GP and that's a gatekeeper." (Although one anonymous blogger writes on the NHS website: "I have flaps of skin everywhere and the whole thing is a total mess. I will never be able to be intimate again.")

I recently heard of a woman GP very concerned by the number of girls in their mid-teens coming to her worried about what their genitals looked like: she thought it was becoming an issue largely because of the fashion for shaving off pubic hair, which made them more self-conscious. Of course, there are rare cases where there is an underlying medical reason for this surgery, but they are just that, extremely rare. A doctor who has treated women seeking labiaplasty told me: "When you examine them, they are completely normal."

Some experts suggest this is a new form of body dysmorphic disorder. Others see it as a depressing but logical extension of the pornification of our culture. As it becomes more acceptable for young people to watch porn (where a "standardised" genital appearance is encouraged and many of the women have no pubic hair), so young women having their first sexual experiences are being measured - and measuring themselves - against this weird porn "norm". As one woman who has sought surgery says: "I browsed through one of my brother's Playboys to see what the girls looked like. Some seemed to have very small or almost no labia." In a world where not even your labia can ever be pretty enough, it's time to fight back. Forward march, muffs!

The Purpose of the Clitoris

2011-12-08T20:17:00.000-08:00

OK, the clitoris. That amazing device between women's legs, actually positioned as a northern outpost of the vagina.

What is its purpose?

It only has one purpose and that is to give females pleasure - more precisely sexual, sensual pleasure of the deepest kind.

There is nothing quite like the clitoris anywhere else in the human anatomy. Men having nothing remotely similar (alas). Yes, I know they have the cock, but that has at least another three functions; to discharge urine, to discharge sperm, to discharge semen.

(For the unitiated these latter two discharges are different. I had a vasectomy some years ago after which I stopped discharging sperm (thankfully). I do however, continue to discharge semen on a regular basis)

All this leads us to the unmistakable conclusion that women are the species built for sexual pleasure, not men. Women can experience multiple orgasms over one session of love-making. In fact I once counted twelve orgasms with an ex-girlfriend over a two-hour period of sex (I think it was 12 - at the time my mind was elsewhere). Men, on the other hand, can normally only cum once. After which they need to sleep. This is when you get the woman feeling rather frustrated as often she is ready for more or has in fact barely started.

A friend of mine, Professor Louis Gooren, a world-famous Dutch endocrinologist and expert on transsexuality, concludes that males are the biological after-thought in the original of the species. All begins, not with Adam, but with Eve. I reckon the mere existence of the clitoris proves his point. (pun not intended).

I will be blogging more on this and similar aspects of human sexuality in the near future (though be warned the content will be explicit)

But not today.

I need to sleep

Gay Parades and the Clitoris

2011-12-06T20:23:00.000-08:00

Here is a question for you;

Where was Asia's first ever Gay Parade held?

Its the longest-established Gay Parade in Asia attracting nearly 10,000 participants every year. And its held in a country that remains very much locked up in its own particular gender/sexual 'liberated closet'.

I think you will be surprised at the answer.

But to get the answer you will have to wait until this weekend and listen in on episode 40 of The Relationship Manifesto podcast series.

Oh, before I forget, here is one more question to tease your brain.

What is the clitoris for?

The Relationship Manifesto

2011-11-29T03:14:00.000-08:00

Yes, finally it is here. My 9th book.

THE RELATIONSHIP MANIFESTO

It is available now at amazon.com and amazon.co.uk. Just click on the book cover image next to this blog.

It will shortly be available also on itunes and sometime in the new year as a hardcopy.

Of all my books, this one is particularly special to me. Why? Well, if you read it you'll see that it is informed by my decades of experiences in and out of relationships, my knowledge of sex and sexuality, and my empirical research undertaken around the world.

There is no other book quite like it.

If you happen to be one of those many people who has been in my life at some point or another, either intimately or just as a friend or colleague, well who knows, you may well find yourself in this book too.

Anonymously, of course.

Enjoy. And be enlightened.

Angry Young Man

2011-11-18T18:44:00.001-08:00

I have to share this with you.

The quote below is taken from a recent email I received from my 16 year old son, Robert. Robert lives in northern England with his mother and sister.

Robert is quite a complex character. Full of hormones, intelligence, talent, ambition, but also anger. He is especially bitter about the British education system, which he sees as far too prescriptive and formulaic; the teachers not teaching out of passion but to given targets, in particular responding to government pressure to get the pupils merely to pass exams rather than encourage individual intellectual experimentation and development. In short, Robert is under-achieving, becoming bored, demotivated and, at times, rebellious towards his teachers. His school is, however, a 'good' one by Ofsted standards and generally produces 'good' results. But it is clearly unable to handle the likes of Robert.

Here is the quote, make of it what you will:

".....That leads on niciely to this matter with the teachers. Education is fucked; teachers are the food the government farmers feed to the high school piglets to make them big and juicy. Then, they eat us and take our money.

My life is in three parts; me, the world, and others. The world was built by jackasses no cleverer than I, and look what they created; beauty, art, freedom, power, emotion. If they can do it, I certainly can. I have the power to change what I don't like, and no piglet feeding teacher is going to tell me not to. And then others. If I put myself first, I can change the world, and others will benefit from that greatly. No entrepenuer (sic) can safely say "I only made this business because I wanted money, I was really happy in this world already". They do it to benefit others. Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, Ingvar Kamprad, the Albrecht brothers, Jamie Oliver. None of them were bullied into the system, fucking hell half of them dropped out of the system because it is just that retarded. What do they all have in common? They all changed/are changing the world, and why? Becuase they fucking wanted to, and no short-ass, middle-aged, depressed little teacher could stop them."

As his father, this quote makes me very proud of him. I am actually taken aback by the energy, drive, determination and ambition. The statement overflows with confidence and certainty about his ability to somehow change the world for the better. The quote also makes me optimistic for his generation. If there are many other Roberts out there (of both sexes) then there is just a chance they will put right the fucked up world which my generation and yours has left them with.

Watch this space, I will keep you posted on what happens next in Robert's life. For sure something big and profound will do so.

Tokyo and Taipei: family and friends

2011-11-09T02:10:00.003-08:00

So, now back to a dry, beautiful, sunny, and very clement Chiang Mai after two weeks spent in Tokyo and latterly Taipei.

Hello to some new friends I made during that trip - especially Moto in Tokyo and Catherine in Taipei.

And thanks to several other people who made the trip truly memorable - Patrick and Trey in Tokyo and Gavin and Joy in Taipei.

Tokyo was a mix of work and pleasure, though actually it was all highly pleasurable. What a city that is! Unbelievable. I really found it fascinating and am looking forward to a return visit. I stayed in Shinjuki, apparently one of the more explicit sex districts of Tokyo. Found the highly effeminate Japanese young men (looking cool, dressed in black, skinny, with long blonde hair, gold necklaces and heads glued to mobile phones), hanging out on the street corners doing what I am not sure, alongside more heavy duty (and heavily built) but totally amiable West African males trying to coerce people like me into the highly expensive bars, really interesting.

Japanese traditional culture meets 21st century Westernisation and what arises is something totally unique to Japan, not seen it anywhere else in the world. Want to know more? Then you'll have to listen to one of my forthcoming podcasts. Just check out The Relationship Manifesto podcast available free on itunes or at the website - relationshipmanifesto.posterous.com.

Taipei and Tokyo, different but similar. Both unmistakably Asian and Oriental, full of Asian Mystique, but also somewhat alien to the Western subjectivity. Which, of course, is part of the attraction to the likes of not only myself but also my children, as I reveal below.

My eldest son, Gavin (37), has lived in Asia for ten years, and in Taipei with his girlfriend Joy for over three years and loves it. Mind you, Gavin is a techy enthusiast so living in Taiwan suits him fine (now 16th most prosperous country in the world, makes most of the usb drives you use, and is the home of HRT mobile phones and Foxconn, the company that makes all your Apple computers in China).

The reason for my trip to Taiwan was to welcome my second son, Jay (18), to Asia. Jay finished his A levels at a Harrogate 6th Form school in June and was fulfilling his ambition to live out East, at least for a year, maybe the rest of his life. Time will tell.

So last Monday (7th), myself, Gavin and Joy were at Taiwan international airport to welcome Jay to Asia. He flew from Heathrow and duly arrived that evening looking tired but very happy. What an emotional moment that was for me.

Had a great week, introducing Jay to Taipei and Taiwan, and then on Saturday night we hit the city - was Taipei prepared for us? I doubt it. I attach two photos taken on Saturday evening of the three of us, first in Gavin's condo before we went out, and then a photo of my two handsome sons on the Taipei underground traveling to the restaurant.

Had a super night out. Jay is one good-looking guy so he quickly found female company (a lovely young lady named Jocelyn). But I did even better. Met a fascinating Taiwanese woman named Catherine. Totally unique, just like Taipei itself.

Won't be telling you too much about her or our encounter. Some things are not for blogging.

Dry Up North

2011-10-23T01:14:00.001-07:00

I have just been sitting out on my patio, sipping a Singha, overlooking the back garden and it is magnificent. In the shade of the veranda the temperature is a warm but comfortable 29c with little humidity. The sky is a brilliant powder blue with not a cloud in sight. My garden is actually getting dry now, after being soaked by periodic monsoon rains over the past two months. Soon my wife will have to get out with the hosepipe.

This is the beginning of the beautiful time in northern Thailand; late October to March when the clouds disappear, the rains move elsewhere, the humidity drops, the sun keeps shining and cold icy wind is but a receding memory of British winters.

This may sound lovely for me, but actually it is also good news for the 40 million Thais, including 12 million in Bangkok alone, who are affected in some way or another by the current flooding. Because if northern Thailand is dry then so too will be the central plains of Thailand down to Bangkok and the sea. No rain up here means no rainwater gushing down south.

So to all of you around the world who are wondering whether or not you should cancel your Christmas/New Year holiday in Thailand. Fear not. Certainly by early December this will all be over. The rainwater will have returned from where it came - the sea - Bangkok will be back to its usual manic bustling self, and Thai smiles will be truly radiant once again.

Thailand Floods

2011-10-21T20:12:00.000-07:00

Yes, I admit it, my blogs have been pretty thin this past month, just been too busy, but here is the first of several to keep you going.

"Water, water, everywhere and not a drop to drink"

That pretty well sums up the dreadful situation now being experienced across large swathes of Thailand today. Travel about 200kms south of Chiang Mai and what you'll meet is water, billions of gallons of it, and all of it heading rapidly 500kms south to Bangkok. Sometime this weekend Bangkok is likely to be inundated. If the Thai authorities can actually keep the centre of Bangkok dry then they will have done a good job, but right now it looks touch and go. The flood walls are not holding up against the massive torrent of brown water bearing down on the city, already millions are left homeless and/or out of work, factories across the middle of Thailand (including all the major car manufacturers and techy businesses) are flooded out, and the rice crop is a total disaster (which is actually bad new for the rest of the world as Thailand is the world's main rice exporter).

Last weekend I was in Bangkok myself, near to Don Muaeng Airport close to the city, and it was still dry. I was fortunate enough to leave on Monday and head north to Chiang Mai where it is totally dry and actually really beautiful weather. But I left behind in Bangkok a people highly nervous about what comes next.

No good blaming all this on any particular set of circumstances or individuals, Thailand is in a real dire state right now and my thoughts are with all those poor families who didn't have much to start with and have now lost everything.

Chiang Mai Floods

2011-10-02T02:49:00.000-07:00

Those of you who live in Thailand or follow Thai news can be forgiven for asking the question 'What about the floods?'. Yes, I haven't blogged on them even though water is everywhere now across Thailand.

So lets put that right.

The central plains of Thailand, and especially the delightful ancient city of Ayutthaya, appear to be drowning as I write. Torrents of water continue to pour down from the north through swollen rivers overwhelming the dams and seething relentlessly southwards, eventually to reach Bangkok and the sea.

The death toll is now over 200, hundreds of thousands have either been made homeless or had their homes suffer flooding, and agriculture is devastated.

The north of Thailand is the area that receives much of this rain, which itself has journeyed here from various typhoons happening out across the South China Sea even as far east as the Philippines. Not that flooding is news to the Thais. Chiang Mai has always been vulnerable to flooding, in fact 800 years ago the then local king moved the city away from the Ping River and rebuilt it a few miles north in a dryer part of the locality, which is where it remains to this day.

However, it still doesn't stay entirely dry. There was bad flooding in 2002/3 but nothing to compare with this last week's event. Most Thai commentators consider these current floods to be the worst in living memory.

The Ping river, which flows south through Chiang Mai city had been steadily rising for days, though after the 2003 floods the authorities were better prepared and had built protection. That protection certainly helped but it didn't stop the eventual inundation of large parts of the city, especially last Thursday. On that evening, I and my wife, along with our daughter, joined about a dozen or so locals, got some food parcels of rice and chicken quickly prepared, left our own dry homes and ventured into the flooded areas. We could get access because we were traveling in a large open truck, which got as far as it could and then we had to transfer to a small boat.

So for a few hours from 6pm to 9pm last Thursday I was sitting in a small boat traveling down the back roads of a virtually blacked out Chiang Mai, delivering water and food to marooned residents along with a number of Thais. A surreal experience. I didn't see any other Westerners out, though no doubt there were some around in other parts of the city doing something similar.

The water was about three to five feet deep and a foul-looking brown colour. This could have been a depressing experience, and would have been if it weren't for the unrelenting and innate joyfulness of the Thai people. Stranded in their homes, no food or fresh water, and surrounded by the ever-rising smelly flood water, and still they laughed and joked.

Wonderful. I reflected how privileged I was to see the Thais at their best, dealing with hardship in a friendly, engaging, humorous, and relaxed manner.

One can't help but love humanity when its like that.

Anyway, two days later and the floods had gone. All water had disappeared. The Ping river had subsided and no longer threatens the city. All that is left is the clean up.

So last night out I went once more, this time to see my friends at Empower and their Can-Do Bar. I knew for sure that this bar, along with every other establishment in the area, had been hit hard by the floods. Sure enough, the Empower ladies were there before me, armed with mops, shovels and buckets and setting about the job of cleaning the place. I willingly joined in and spent the next few hours mopping up. Not normally how I spend my time when chilling out in the Can-Do Bar, but there you go.

Empower is a much needed organisation which helps women sex workers in Thailand. To find out more go to;

http://www.empowerfoundation.org/barcando_en.html

And if you feel the urge to make a small donation to this charity, even just a few £ or $, then that would be great. Just email

badgirls@empowerfoundation.org

Right now they can do with all the help they can get.

Lets hope the dry season is nearly upon us.

Atlas Moth Arrives And Causes a Flurry of Activity

2011-09-30T22:34:00.000-07:00

Its Saturday morning, around 9am, there I am in my office at home, fronting my computer, busily tapping away on the keyboard when in rushes my daughter, Idea. She knows to approach me rather hesitantly when my head is glued to the screen, but even so excitement overwhelms her caution.

I look up, perhaps a tad impatiently, though it soon melts when I see her radiant face, even while she is mouthing off something pretty incomprehensible; "Daddy, see butterfly - It's a snake. In kitchen."

At which point I miss the word 'butterfly' altogether and go straight to "Daddy, snake in the kitchen".

What! One of my worse nightmares. Oh bugger, just let me alone with my computer.

But no, Idea insists this is not a snake and it is in our 'outside garden kitchen' (yes, we have one) and it is a butterfly.

OK, this I have to see.

And what I saw is captured in these two photos.

What an amazing creature - actually a giant Atlas moth, the largest species of butterfly in the world. I have never seen one before - at least one which wasn't pinned under glass in a museum. And it is in our garden.

This awesome specimen was nearly 30cm wide and just resting there not doing very much at all (which is really a waste of its precious time as apparently this moth only lives for 10 days).

I then quickly understood what Idea was trying to tell me - snake-butterfly. Yes, this moth has a two snake heads on either wing tip. Look closely at the photos and you'll see them. Which is why it is often referred to as the 'snake-head moth'.

Wonderful. Just left me marveling at nature's ability to produce such a magnificent insect with wings which resemble snake heads. All that intricate design and genius camouflage and yet it only lives for 10 days. And there it arrives during its short lifespan to settle in our Chiang Mai garden one sunny Saturday morning.

You couldn't make it up. And no, I didn't.

Redheads Rule - and why not?

2011-09-20T02:20:00.000-07:00

As you know, discrimination in any form gets right up my nose (and I have a bigger than average one so it doesn't take much).

I just cannot abide injustice. Never been able to since aged 10 when I got a slippering from my school form teacher for saying he was an idiot. He was an idiot. Fact. Why then was I spanked? As I say, injustice.

So when discrimination and injustice come together then I am roasting red.

And that is apparently the problem. Because I am red. Well, not necessarily in my skin - that is a fluid mix between anemic brown and bright pink, depending on how long I've been exposed to the Thai sun, and which parts of my body we are talking about. No, in my hair, I mean. I am a redhead. Always have been and still am, even at my age, though the white is invading now from various quarters. (don't worry, I am putting up a strong resistance). But redhead I am. Even the Thais can spot me as a redhead and to be honest they don't see many in this part of the hemisphere.

Which brings me to the injustice.

What on earth is the world coming to when we find that the world's largest sperm bank, Cryos, is now turning down donors who are redheaded? (in today's Daily Telegraph)

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/denmark/8768598/Sperm-bank-turns-down-redheads.html

This is the worst form of discrimination - why redheads? What is it about us blessed individuals that makes the mothers (and apparently fathers)-to-be shun us, shy away from having a little one of their own?

Apparently, only in Ireland is there a high demand for sperm from redheaded men like me! I am almost speechless.

I would be saddened to the core if it wasn't for the fact that I know more about redheaded people than most - having been one all my life. And this knowledge confirms how privileged we, of the auburn variety, actually are.

Facts about redheads:

Firstly, they are lucky (my late red-headed grandmother confirmed this to me and she was so right)
Secondly, they have a higher than average fertility rate (I've been married 5 times, have produced four children with three different women and only stopped having more because of a vasectomy I had back in 1998 - actually this is evidence, if it were needed, that redheaded men are in demand as sperm donors)
Thirdly, redheads are both incredibly randy and have an enviable libido. Not offering you details, but just ask anyone who knows one. Indeed, my lady friends, past and present, will confirm this if you ask them, though admittedly this biological redhead fact can occasionally bring problems with some relationships.
Fourthly, while redheads may lose colour in their head of hair, they tend not to lose it elsewhere, if you get my meaning, a fact that can create an interesting conversation topic when naked with others.
Fifth, people are always wary of annoying redheads. Why? Well I think this goes back to the time when the redheaded Celtics and Vikings rampaged over Northern Europe. From these violent dark ages emerged the myth that redheads get angry very quickly, so don't upset one. (actually this is not altogether a myth)
Sixth, redheads are not only sexy, they are different and they are cool. Who wants to look like everyone else? No one. Which is why so many Asian youths, both male and female, dye their black hair red. Even my wife has started to have a few red streaks introduced to her otherwise remorseless black.
Seventh, even if your redheaded male lover provides you with babies, there is no guarantee they will be redheaded. None of my four children are redheaded like me - they are all different shades of blonde.
Eighth, in parts of Africa redheaded men are treated like Gods. Well, so I've been told. Seems fair enough to me.

So there you have it. Redheads rule. Get over it.

As ever, all injustice and discrimination originates in ignorance.

So no excuses those of you looking for a sperm donor, think yourself highly fortunate if a redheaded one offers you his precious fluid.

My own precious fluid no longer flows, however, so don't come knocking on my door. At least not for sperm.

'X' marks the spot

2011-09-19T02:06:00.003-07:00

The 20th century was the century when gender and sexuality finally made it into the political spotlight, ultimately eclipsing all other political movements, including communism and socialism.

I won't support that statement by any evidence other than the fact that news came today that the British government is seriously considering allowing people to not declare their sex on their passport. They can, if they which, just put 'X'.

This follows the move by the Australian government which now already offers that sex (non)identity option to its citizens.

Any bets that the UK won't be the last government to do this?

Sure it won't.

You can rail about political correctness as much as you like but the fact is gender identity has finally been offically recognised as being about choice as much as biology. And once you factor in choice then the rules change dramatically. In fact, there are then no rules.

Listen to my current podcasts where I interview Ally Taylor to get a fuller understanding of just what choice means when one applies it to gender and sexuality.

The 20th century begin with women not even being allowed to vote in many countries around the world, including the UK; gay men criminalised in the West (they still are in parts of Africa); lesbians not even recognised in law in the UK; and transgender a word which nobody not only didn't understand but probably had never read or spoken.

How different a 100 years later.

Now we are into the beginning of phase 2 during which we will see even more quiet but persistent revolution taking place around the world in terms of sex, sexuality and gender.

And what will phase 3 bring us do you think?

I'll tell you what I think it'll bring, it will bring the complete erasion of the identities male and female, also gay, straight and bi. There won't be any such fixed states, for anyone; not in law, not in politics, not in social discourse. There will just be human beings of no fixed gender or sexuality other than the one they choose to have. I know you imagine that to be impossible, but believe me, the process has already started and history will show its been going on for 100 years already.

We are fast heading to the point when societies will really be living up to the political standpoint I make and which heads up this blog...

"do not impose any gender, sex or sexual identity on any child, let them choose to be what they want to be and to express it how they want"

Influential Persons

2011-09-17T01:24:00.000-07:00

Two blogs ago I promised I would revisit those who have "encouraged me along my life's path", like the late Wilf Paish.

These are people who came into my life, usually completely unexpectedly, and then proceeded to play not a small part in aiding me along my career path and related personal/professional development. The time span is about 30 years, from 1979 to 2009. These were my key developmental years when I went from managing a pub/restaurant in Leeds city centre to achieving my MA and Doctorate and going on to become a published author, academic and senior lecturer at Keele University.

You range from close friends to simply professional/work colleagues. You were influential, though perhaps you didn't always realise it at the time. To be honest, I didn't always realise it at the time.

Anyway, my sincere thanks to each of you.

Professor Jeff Hearn (Manchester University)
Professor Sheila Scraton (Leeds Met. University)
Dr Neville Collins (Thomas Danby College, Leeds)
Mr Alan Bailey (Thomas Danby College, Leeds)
Dr Roy Moodley (Toronto University)
Dr Peter Franklin (Huddersfield Polytechnic)
Professor Peter Bramham (Leeds Met. University)
Professor Denis Gleeson (Keele University)
Dr Deborah Kerfoot (Leeds University)
Professor Mike Dent (Staffordshire University)
Professor David Morgan (Manchester University)
Professor Margaret Talbot (Leeds Met. University)
Dr Kevin Hylton (Leeds Met. University)
Mr Mike Totten (Leeds Met. University)
Professor Alistair Black (Leeds Met. University)
Mrs Carol Hough (Keele University)
Mrs Amanda Preston (Sheil Land Associates)
Mrs Sophie Ahmad (Polity Press)
Mr Carlton Johnson (British Amateur Athletic Board)
Mr Peter Warden (British Amateur Athletics Board)
Professor Charlotte Williams (Keele University)
Professor Steve Cropper (Keele University)
Ms Dorothy Tyson (Keele University)
Dr Farzana Shain (Keele University)
Professor Ken Jones (Keele University)
Professor Miriam David (Keele University)
Master Komsan (Wat Jedee Sathan, Mae Rim, Thailand)
Phra Veechian (Wat Jed Yod, Chiang Mai, Thailand)
Ms Anya Kingsford (Hopwood Hall, FE College)

Just thought it was about time that you were all acknowledged. Apologies if its been late coming in some instances.

NB: These people are not placed in any particular order. Both their title and institutional designation is as they were when these men and women were particularly influential in my life.

Relationship Manifesto Podcast - Interviews with Ally Taylor

2011-09-17T00:29:00.001-07:00

I hope you are following my Relationship Manifesto podcast because if you are not then you are missing a real treat. Over the next three weeks the podcast consists of 3 interviews I and my colleague, Chris Smith (www.shambles.net) have with Ally Taylor.

I am not going to reveal too much here, but Ally is no ordinary woman. In fact, i have never met anyone like her and I have been around.

Suffice to say she is aged 55, lives here in Chiang Mai with her girlfriend, Took, is British, worked for British Airports Authority as a Senior Manager for nearly 25 years, and has the most remarkable story to tell about her gender, sexuality, and identity.

Don't miss it.

First of the three podcasts is published this weekend.

Wilf Paish - we all need someone sometimes

2011-08-30T02:06:00.000-07:00

Although I consider myself an educationalist, I am not entirely sold on the idea of education for work or simply as preparation for a career. So while I can certainly see the benefit of going to university at 18 or 19, I know this is not the best path for everyone. Life is uncertain and so is work, it always was and it certainly is today.

If I look at my own life; failed the 11+, left school just before my 15th birthday, no qualifications until I attended Leeds Polytechnic (Carnegie College) as a mature student aged 31 (studying Physical Education), then you can appreciate my point. As an 18 year old I had absolutely no idea that my life journey would eventually see me not only going to university in my 30s, but going on to do an MA, then a PhD, and eventually write books and become a university lecturer responsible for the education of other undergrads and postgrads.

At the same time, I do appreciate the value of going to university and obtaining a degree. In an age of educational credentialism, when having a BA is itself no longer enough to ensure one gets onto the first few rungs of the career ladder, then young people take a big risk by not going into HE.

But in the end, university or not, it all comes down to enthusiasm and application. A degree may well confer valuable knowledge and skills, but it won't in itself make someone employable or considered valuable by an employer. To succeed in anything you need to be determined.

And that is the thing about mature students, they are invariably highly motivated. I certainly was and over the past few decades I have had the privilege and pleasure to teach many other highly motivated mature students. When one gets into one's 30's then 'failure' is just not an option - by then you've learned the value of opportunity and appreciate an open door, and any encouragement to go through it. But was this planned in my life? No. It was, and is, all a complex combination of luck, opportunity, connection and personal ambition.

I look back on my life now and I realise that so much which at the time perhaps did not seem so important to me; (people, meetings, events, connections, communications, and of course often casually made decisions) were absolutely crucial to my life journey and to whatever intellectual and personal progress I made.

In fact, I am glad I had no road map to guide me. If I had had then I reckon I would have screwed it up - my opportunities I mean, not the road map.

But at the same time, I was, and am, certainly grateful to all those many people who directly or indirectly encouraged me.

Which is where I want to end this blog, with a big thank you to Wilf Paish MBE.

Wilf, I know you are now with your angels, but I just want to let you know that I never forgot that precious moment in early 1981, when you agreed to let me enrol on your new Sports Coaching HE Diploma at Carnegie College. You gave me my start. I hope I have given the same start to a few others down the years.

(For those of you who do not know who Wilf Paish was, read some of the obituaries in the national press following his death in January 2010. He was a character, a truly inspirational and world-wide renown athletics coach, and one of the most accomplished motivators of people that I ever met)

NB. In a future blog I am going to name a few others who, like Wilf, encouraged me along my path.

Fighting the Gang: Part 2: 'Getting to the Heart of the Matter'

2011-08-23T22:24:00.000-07:00

Lies, damned lies and statistics. Which do you believe? Well, as ever it all depends on your viewpoint.

Take the example of crime, especially anti-social behaviour and violent crime. For some months now the FBI has been coming up with statistics which show that crime in the USA has been falling, with a sharp drop in the past two years despite the recession. Murder and robbery rates have halved since 1991-98 and in 2010 there was a further 5.5% drop in violent crimes. In the USA, violent crimes are at their lowest rate for 40 years.

Over in the UK, something similar appears to be happening; in Glasgow, long a city terrorized by gangs, an 'anti-violence' campaign by the police appears to have resulted in the gangs going into retreat and an overall 42% drop in serious assults since 2006. In Strathclyde, knife carrying fell by 18%.

So good news.

Or is it.

A minor news item in yesterday's Lancashire Evening Post reveals another aspect to this story. The city of Preston appears, like many such towns and cities in the UK, to be subjected to an epidemic of vandalism and anti-social behaviour. 40% of traders in that city report attacks by vandals in the past 12 months. For some small shopkeepers, this constant battle against random attacks and violent behaviour of (mostly) youngsters doesn't even warrant reporting to the police, it is so common.

This rings true. This is the reality behind the headlines. The reality is the emergence of a culture of petty crime, anti-social behaviour, violence and intimidation. So common it invariably goes unreported to the police and therefore not on any statistics. Yet it is felt every day by millions of citizens. This is the big change in British and American society since the end of the 2nd WW. A culture of random but continual violence, often so petty it is no longer considered worth reporting to the police. People have just learned to suffer it in silence.

The problem is not so much the possibility of one getting murdered in Manchester or New York, that risk does appear to be lessened according to the statistics, but the overall culture of aggression in modern societies. This culture is harder to quantify, doesn't show on statistics, but is very real indeed.

The gang is a key component of this culture. How to deal with it?

Back in 2002 I was involved with a programme in Manchester which aimed to identify and train adult mentors to work with disenfranchised young black teenagers, mostly males involved in crime, drugs and especially gangs. The programme was set up by Dr Richard Majors and operated through the local Further Education College and a charitable agency. Richard is an American academic, author of the book 'Cool Pose'. Richard was in the UK for several years from 2000 onwards and instigated this and similar programmes around the UK. The idea was to fill in the male mentor gap in these young men's lives. Most had no contact with their fathers, most were wedded to gang culture, and most were either going to be dead or in prison before they reach their mid-20s. None were going to college. Not only were they unemployed, they were unemployable. The only authority figures in their lives were their mothers and the police. When the mothers could no longer cope, the British judicial system, and the police, took over. But before that happened the gang had got to them.

The social and peer pressure on a 12 year old lad, living in a deprived part of the UK, to join the local gang is immense and should not be underestimated. The gang provides 'respect', identity validation, excitement, money, association, belonging. With no positive adult male mentors or role models in these young male's lives, then the gang also provides a type of flawed but potent 'parenting'.

Of course young males will join the gang. What else is there for them to do? To try and resist, to be out of the gang culture, is not only physically risky, it ensures these teenagers are socially isolated, excluded. None of them wants that.

But Richard understood the dynamics at work here. He recognised that the only way to challenge the gang was to offer these young males a positive adult male 'friend', someone who may have been an ex-gang member themselves, perhaps done 'time', but who nevertheless was a credible and street-wise male adult who could appreciate why these lads did what they did but at the same time offered them a sort of surrogate father figure in their lives, and a way to resist the lure of the gang.

The programme was most successful, but it needed time and money. It also needed loads of emotional energy from everyone involved, including the teenagers themselves. In effect, the adult male mentors were working on a 1 to 1 with these lads and that is hard. Its not for everyone. But it works. It takes commitment, professionalism, and love. It takes heart.

The alternative approach is the one being claimed by some commentators as the reason why gangs have declined in Glasgow and violent crime is down in the USA - prison.

The USA now locks up 2.3 million of its citizens, far more than any other country, including China. The UK, if it continues with the rapid increase in inmates that been seen since 1995, will be locking up 1,000,000 of its citizens by the end of this century. (The prison population in 1995 was 45,000, today it is close to 90,000, so work it out for yourself.)

Wouldn't it be better to put fewer people in prison and use the resources saved (£50k pa per prisoner in the UK) to fund the types of programmes offered by the likes of Dr Richard Major? Do we really want a society that can only function if it locks up generation after generation of the underclass? And it cannot keep these kids locked up. They will come back into society at some point, only when they do come back its not as rehabilitated adults, its as graduates at the 'university of criminality' - the prison itself.

These teenagers are not born wild, they are not born gangsters, murderers, or anti-social vandals. It is not in their DNA. They become this in the societies they are born into. Locking them up is an admission of defeat. It is a knee-jerk reaction, understandable but ultimately pointless and self-defeating. Because these youngsters still need purpose in their lives, they still need support, love and direction. They need discipline. Not the harsh cruel discipline of the gang, but the strong and loving discipline of a supportive community.

In the end, only the local community itself can resolve its dilemmas. But it is beholden on the rest of society to help it do so and that means more than just relying on the hard-pressed police to do this job. After all, as we've seen from the recent UK riots, its in everyone's interests to get this right.

Fighting the Gang: Part 1: 'Bang Em Up!'

2011-08-20T03:00:00.000-07:00

Here are three related headlines from this week in the UK:

'England rioters: poor, young and unemployed - data shows clear link between economic hardship and those taking parts in last week's riots with disproportionate numbers from black ethnic minority groups and white-dominated underclass housing estates.'

'Crisis deepens for UK young people as latest unemployment figures underline the bleak prospects of them finding a job with 2.5 m unemployed, 1 in 5 young people aged 16-24 out of work, and 1.3 million of those in work having to accept part-time or casual employment because there are no full-time jobs available.'

'Rioters push inmate total to record high: the UK prison population reached a record high this week caused by the unprecedented situation of 100s of people jailed over the riots.

On Thursday of this week, the UK prison population reached 86,654 people. The overwhelming majority of these prisoners are young men (aged under 30) of black and white ethnic origins and lacking any formal educational qualifications or skills whatsoever. Many of them have never had full time paid employment of any kind, let alone a career. Thousands are mentally ill, thousands more are drug addicts. The average reading age of UK male prisoners is 11.

These men were mostly unemployable before they ended up in prison. They are even more unemployable after being in prison.

Is prison the only answer to social unrest, itself largely driven by boredom, gang culture, lack of hope? I hope not, because social unrest in the UK is about to get a whole lot worse.

It now costs the British taxpayer nearly £50,000 each year to keep each prisoner locked up. This is nearly double the average salary for full time work in the UK.

And prison isn't even effective. OK, its effective in locking people up for some time, but then they often re-offend after release. Reconviction rates in the UK are alarming - and cost society around £11bn pa. While the human cost of all these prisoners and ex-prisoners is incalculable; unemployment, homelessness, family breakdown, drug addiction, and ever tempted by the omnipresent gang culture.

Back in 1998 the UK prison population was 65,000. Under pressure from the government, judges and magistrates were imposing longer and longer prison sentences. As a result, the prison population rose by more than half in five years. This caused the then Chief Inspector of Prisons, Sir David Ramsbotham, to declare that 70% of women prisoners, between 30 and 40% of young prisoners, and 30% of all adult prisoners, need not be in prison at all.

A recently as November 2010, Justice Minister, Ken Clarke, was trying (with limited success) to bring in prison reform, in particular sparing mentally ill offenders and drug addicts from prison and instead give them hospital treatment.

Yet despite these best efforts and the advice from experts, not least the powerful Home Affairs Select Committee on Prisons, the UK prison population is, this week, at its highest ever with no sign of it declining. And the response from the government to the riots? Lock more people up.

(In Manchester, 10 days ago, a 24 yr old mother of two was given 5 months in prison by a district judge after she pleaded guilty to accepting a pair of looted shorts from her housemate - thankfully common sense prevailed in this instance and she was released after successfully appealing against this punitive and vicious sentence).

I know the politicians are not stupid. They can see the painfully clear link between social and economic deprivation and offending. Clarke himself is proof of that awareness, as are many of his colleague MPs from all parties. But the response to the riots by the government is to pile more hopeless young people into the prisons thereby exacerbating an already critical problem. As one British MP recently put it, the prisons are becoming nothing more than "warehouses for sad and desperate human beings".

Whatever your view as to the usefulness of prison as punishment/deterent clearly it cannot go on like this.

In 1990 the UK prison population stood at 45,000.

In just over 20 years it has nearly doubled. And remember, this has been 20 years of low unemployment and high prosperity in the UK. What do you think is coming?

I will tell you what is coming:

2030: prison population in excess of 170,000
2050: prison population in excess of 350,000
2070: prison population in excess of 700,000
And by the end of this century, at least 1,000,000 people in prison in the UK.

No, its not tenable, I know. Apart from anything else the UK hasn't the money to build the 100s of new prisons required to house these inmates, and if it had the money where would it put these prisons - there isn't the space, unless you plan for prison hulks anchored off the English coast.

So what to do about it?

A forthcoming blog will offer some advice on how to reduce the power of one of biggest contributors not only to the prison population, but to general social unrest, violence and aggression in the UK

- the gang.

Not waiting for something to turn up

2011-08-18T22:52:00.001-07:00

Congratulations to my 18 year old son, Jay. Yesterday he got his A level results and they are good enough to guarantee him entry to his British university of choice. But not this September. Jay is coming East in November, to Taiwan, not to university.

Going to live in Taipei is Jay's 'big adventure' and he has the support of his 37 year old step-brother, Gavin (who also lives in Taipei) and myself here in Thailand. So Jay is not alone. But he will be challenged. The East is very different to the West and a decade from now Jay will still be discovering it.

But at least Jay now has a safety net - if Taiwan doesn't work for him then he can return to the UK next summer to start university (a 4 year business degree with Mandarin language).

However, I truly hope he never returns to the UK. Well, other than for socialising, family and holidays.

I hope Jay gets settled out here in the East and starts to build a productive life and career in Asia. But first thing he has to do is learn Mandarin. That alone is worth more than any business studies degree. The business side he can learn from working, the Mandarin will open the doors to work in Asia, the rest is down to his application, enterprise and determination.

As I say, great adventure.

Jay decided to make this move about 18 months ago. He sensed the opportunity and decided to go for it. He has the full support of his family.

Good for him, but also good for others too. I would recommend this type of move to the tens of thousands of young British people now wondering what next? If you want a degree then why not go abroad to get one? There are many great universities, especially here in Asia, and the cost will probably be less than you'd pay in the UK, certainly from 2012. And the career opportunities are out here. If you have the strength of character to succeed in the UK, then you have it for Asia also, only with more chance of reaching your potential.

So do not fester in disillusionment and idleness in the UK, moving from one low paid part-time boring service-sector job to the next, still living with mum and dad because you cannot afford to move out, no money, no prospects, no hope.

Do what people around the world having been doing for eons in such circumstances, not least the Irish and Scots. Leave. Don't wait for something to turn up. It won't do. You have to turn it up yourself.

And to emphasise exactly that point here are two stats for you.

A child living in a developed country today has a 30% chance of living to 100 and for most of their life they can expect good health so long as they look after themselves. Anyone leaving school in such a developed country can expect to have at least 4, maybe 6 major career changes during their lifetime.

The days of leaving school at 15, going into an apprenticeship and staying there till retirement some 50 years later, went a long, long time ago.

Jay's generation, if they take anything from the social uncertainty and economic chaos that surrounds them today, should take this message - treat your life as a journey during which you accumulate knowledge, skills and experiences; and these, taken together, will be what open doors for you. A degree on its own may have been enough once, but not any more.

No one career, certainly no one job. No guaranteed security. And lots of competition. But a long lifetime of learning and adventure so long as you are confident enough to ride the waves.

So for Jay and for every other 18 year old who got their A level results yesterday, these A levels were merely a teenage rites of passage.

Now the journey starts proper.

No Pain, No Gain...I hope

2011-08-13T21:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, at 7am, I did probably the toughest race of my life. And that includes some pretty challenging West Yorkshire Cross Country races back in the UK in the early 1980s.

Admittedly, yesterday's 10km race didn't have mud and icy rain, but it did have two awesome climbs of about 2.5kms each, and in 26c heat and humidity. I can tell you that this morning my calves are complaining bitterly!

The race was at Queen Sirikit Gardens. This beautiful spot is about 15kms north of Chiang Mai in the mountains of Mae Sa - just a kilometre or so from Mae Sa waterfall and the elephant camp. It was the Queen's birthday yesterday so a public holiday (Mother's Day in Thailand) and this race was part of the celebrations.

I am now back into training after an easy period of a few months. I have a series of competitive road races coming up and yesterday's race was only intended to toughen me up a little. Well, it certainly succeeded in doing that. As they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Not that I feel especially strong this morning, more knackered than anything and walking very gingerly.

I feared it was going to be tough when I didn't spot any of my usual competitors doing it. They had more sense, clearly. Anyway, I was mentally up for it and that actually got me through the pain. I set off very steadily and started to climb with determination, but 15 minutes later I was reduced to a intermittent jog/walk the incline was so steep. 2.5 kms of that and only my resolution not to pack it in was keeping me going. Then it flattened before quickly going downhill, and fast. I really rocketed down the road and back to the start and through into the second lap. Another 2.5 kms of walking/jogging up this steep winding road through the gardens, consoled only by the fact that everyone else around me was walking also! Then a final 2.5kms downhill at what was, for me, breakneck speed. The three photos were taken by my running friend, Guy, just 400ms from the finish line. I you can see, I was being chased by a much younger runner, a Thai woman, but she never caught me. (well, not on this occasion). If you look closely at the photo below you can see the pain etched on my face. I was feeling it.

Anyway, completed the 10kms in about 70mins, which indicates how hard it was. On the flat I can cover this in under 44 mins.

Sorry Queen Sirikit, but I won't be doing your run again next year.

The Toxic Mix The British Have to Deal With

2011-08-10T02:02:00.001-07:00

How tragic and depressing to see the UK descend into the depths, at least a large section of it. I get no satisfaction from not being a part of it, having long ago decided the country and culture were not for me. In many ways I still feel a strong association with the place and moreover, I have family and friends still living there.

My perceptions over the past few decades have been of a country in decline. Back in the early 1970s I was a pub/restaurant manager for Tetley's brewery, working first in the city of Liverpool (Crown Hotel, Lime Street) and then in Yorkshire, mostly Leeds (The Jubilee, Headrow) and finally Horsforth (Woodside Tavern). I came out the business, very willingly, in 1986. Never missed it at all, though had some great times and made many friends during the 12 years I and my wife, Rosemary, worked as pub landlords.

I felt a change in civil behavour around the late 1970s. During this period I was manager of The Jubilee in Leeds city centre and this public house consisted of a first floor restaurant, large ground floor bar, and basement wine bar. So lots to manage for a 28 year old as I was then. Though my wife supported grandly. Of course, like any city centre pub we had trouble occasionally, but mostly it was low key. But after 1980 it got harder - more edgy, more aggressive, more threatening. By the time I left the business in the summer of 1986 I was convinced that young people especially, and a smattering of older ones, were becoming innately aggressive, growing up without any social constraints whatsoever.

I then saw more of this as an educationalist, working for a large Further Education college also in Leeds city centre. Lots of good young people, for sure, but too many were growing up without boundaries, without care for others, without understanding the importance of community. They were being disenfranchised - not willingly but as a consequence of political policies especially - not least the neo-liberalism of Thatcher and her ilk. The underclass, and within it acutely dysfunctional 'families', really started to emerge from around 1980 onwards and its gotten much bigger since - now heading towards 10% of the UK population, mostly congregating in the inner cities and their down-trodden, hopeless, forgotten estates.

What we are seeing with the current rioting is mostly this underclass of people, largely young males and children, with too much freedom, no guilt or shame, and a hatred of society and the wider community. They really do hate. This violence and rioting is its expression, though its been around for many decades and growing in intensity since the 1990s especially.

No society has a right to exist. We will see what British society, diverse as it is, makes of this. Right now, the UK is corroding from within. Many Muslims hate the country of their birth, as do many Afro-Caribbeans. The white underclass is similarly disenfranchised and can only feel part of society when the English football team are playing. Demographically, these alienated groups are growing in size and will inevitably have a major influence on the future direction of the country, whatever that future turns out to be.

Meanwhile, the educated middle classes (white, black, asian, and the rest) are retreating out of the city centres to the leafy shires, the suburbs, the country towns and villages, the securer communities of 'traditional' England. They are leaving the police to get on with it, keep them safe. Clearly, as we have seen, the police cannot hold the line. It will take a lot more force and a lot more control by the authorities. At which point many middle class citizens will happily relinquish more power to the government and the judicial system in return for protecting their lives and property from the despised and feared chavs.

So far this underclass has no political agenda, its only intent is to destroy and loot. But this is merely the first phase. The next phase will see some leaders emerge, no doubt spouting some noxious ideology.

Poverty of spirit, aspiration, socialisation, community and empathy. And too much hate and self-loathing. A toxic mix.

The only thing that can save the UK from rotting from within are the British themselves, uniting together whatever their race, age or religion. Doing so because they care about the country and its diverse communities. Do the Brits care enough to deal with it? We will see.

Apologies to all my family and friends in the UK, but this is one challenge I will be watching from the sidelines.

And the message to my two remaining children in the UK?

Get out as soon as you are old enough to do so.

A Perspective on the August Riots

2011-08-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

Well, you can't say I didn't warn you. About August, I mean. But while I am not surprised at the world economy teetering on the edge of freefall this most portent of months, I admit to not foreseeing the British Riots kicking off. At least not just yet.

There are a number of analyses one can apply to the current rioting now happening not just in London but also Birmingham, Bristol, Leeds, Liverpool, and soon, I fear, many other UK cities, but allow me to focus on what I consider to be four main aspects; gender, spectacle, culture and social mobility.

Gender: The rioters are overwhelmingly young males - and youths. These are not older, mature men out on the streets protesting against a brutal dictatorship, lack of human rights, severe poverty or political oppression. So this is no Arab Spring in Peckham. What it is is a demonstration of violent masculinity. These male rioters are fighting the only male figures most of them have ever had in their lives - the police and authorities. These young men are mostly without fathers or positive male mentors of any kind - education has long ago given up on them. However, they are not totally without boundaries and social restraint. They have powerful adult women in their lives, but mostly not adult men. But their type of masculinity rejects/fears femininity (and homosexuality) and instead desires male validation of a very macho kind. Problem, because they have mostly been raised without respect for or control by, any male authority other than that which comes with a violent hue attached to it - gangs and police - these rioting males have become feral. They may be in families, but for the most part the families are led by women - mothers, grand-mothers, sisters. The fathers - men - are largely absent. Look at the videos and photos of the rioting - where are the adult males? There aren't any, the few at the riots are watching or taking part. So again I ask, where are the fathers of these 12-18 year old youths now burning down London? They are not around and for most of these kids lives, they never have been. These young male rioters have been mostly rejected by both their fathers and society. Not surprisingly they are angry, dispossessed, invariably illiterate and unemployable. And they are together, at least in the context of a riot. In their neighbourhood gangs, and the moment of the riot, so is their fragile and aggressive masculinity reinforced - through posture, pose, guns and knives, aggressive behaviour, and the 'respect' which comes with being feared by ones peers. At the very least, for these male rioters confronting the police is a way of validating their own masculinity - their manhood. It is one of the few avenues open to them. They have no future and they know it. One day they will be old men themselves and in fear of the next generation of feral youths, males like them who have no community and no respect nor for anyone who cannot present themselves as 'hard men'. They are a sad but inevitable by-product of a society which has no place for them. More prisons will have to be built to accommodate the growing number of them. For the truly frightening thing is that these young male rioters will themselves go on to sire the next generation of disenfranchised, rejected youths.

Spectacle: The whole scenario is truly postmodern. Look at the videos - usually produced from hand-held mobile phones of the spectator. One can see people all filming the violence, standing close to it but not apparently part of it. We are all spectators. In which case, what is the reality? The reality is that some individuals will get hurt or worse, buildings set on fire, property looted, people terrified. But always there is someone to film it on a mobile phone or comment on it via twitter. It is like being part of an unfolding, out of control urban nightmare, a cinematic experience of which one is both participant and observer. People feel the compulsion to go and see what is happening though most don't want to throw bricks at the police. They are hoping for something to 'kick-off' and in the current situation it is doing. So a genuinely thrilling postmodern spectacle in that the events are both surreal and distant, and yet terrifyingly real and close. This is as close as one can get to the action - to being part of the movie. Just ensure you stay the spectator side of the invisible line because if you cross it then you too will become the bloodied face now being filmed by someone else.

Culture: All societies have cultures, multiple cultures. What is the culture of the rioters? Well, in the moment of the riot so a temporary culture emerges, fueled by anger, aggression, fear, excitement, opportunity, bonding, a sense of freedom and male bravado. The culture is also enabled by the internet and mobile phones. Communication between groups, some of which may have a 'political' motive, but most do not. This is just an opportunity for young men, and a few young women, to behave without restraint. To taste the pure adrenaline rush of breaking the social rules without fear or risk of consequence. Sure, hundreds will get arrested, but most will not. They will loot the shops stealing the designer goods they really do not need, and rush home. Exciting and addictive. It is just the mob mentality and societies down the ages have had to suffer it. London has suffered mob mentalities many, many times in its history. And so it will again. One thing, this culture has no political agenda, which is fortunate because if it had then it would become truly powerful. It is only a moment of this month of August. In a few days it will all be over - until the next time.

Social mobility: The men out rioting are mostly part of the growing British underclass. They are mostly of Afro-Caribbean or White origin. You won't see gangs of Turkish or Korean, Chinese or Pakistani, Indian or Eastern European young males rioting. You might reasonably ask why? My answer is that these latter groups, religious bound or not, tend to have a stronger sense of racial identity, family networks, and thus greater opportunity for social mobility. It is not that these minority ethnic groups are better integrated into mainstream white middle class society, only that they operate very clearly with their own social/cultural codes and these provide boundaries, social and community sanctions, and powerful family cohesion. By contrast, the Afro-Caribbean and White youths, and they are the ones who mostly make up the British underclass, have nothing - no cohesion, no identity, no respect and no future. It is not that they are poor and starving or especially economically deprived, they are just of no use to modern society. They are surplus to requirements. They are truly adrift. And they know it.

It is no surprise that the underclass riots. The surprise is they do not do it more often. After all, they have nothing to lose.

Only when society and especially their communities, provides them with something to lose, to protect, will they join the rest of society.

How Old Are You Today?

2011-08-04T18:06:00.001-07:00

Well Happy Birthday Barack Obama, and all the rest who share this day with me.

How old am I?

Well, I am not sure. It depends what you mean by age.

For example, my medical check tells me my physiological age (general health and metabolism) is around 37. [My resting pulse rate is 55; my body fat is at 14%, my Vo2 max is 50, and my blood pressure 114/65].

In terms of physical strength and endurance I am probably about 30 (I can run 10km in 42 mins, bench press double my own weight, and rack off 500 sit-ups in one gym session).

In terms of life experience I reckon I am about 150. Seem to have packed far more into my life than most people ever do.

People tell me I look around 55. Which seems reasonable enough.

Mentally, in terms of sharpness, I am about 45.

So lets say late 40s.

I am 49 today.

OK, I know my passport says I am 62, but that's only my passport - what does it know?

Relationship Manifesto Podcast Series

2011-08-04T01:01:00.000-07:00

The Price of Democracy

2011-08-03T03:23:00.000-07:00

To paraphrase Tony Blair, 'location, location, location'. Its all about where one lives, and especially where one is born. Everything else comes second.

Take the example of democracy.

Now like most reasonable people I have always been an advocate of the people's franchise. Still am. However, living in Thailand reveals to me democracy's weaknesses, weaknesses that were not so apparent when I lived in the UK and was surrounded by the powerful and historic Western discourse on democracy. In Thailand I can more clearly see how powerful groups influence the masses, especially the uneducated masses. But even education is no guarantor of democratic processes. Look at the state of the USA and UK.

The USA is being practically held to ransom by a lunatic fringe called The Tea Party. This bunch of idiots (some of whom are presumably educated) are still living out some mythical Western macho frontier paradigm where the government is the enemy and the (wealthiest) people should be free of not only taxes but pretty much any other social obligations, not least the right to shoot each other. I do not think I exaggerate here.

In the UK, the supposed birthplace of democratic government, we have the current deeply unpleasant spectacle of all the stones being unturned which previously concealed the deeply corrupt practices of journalists, newspaper editors/owners, politicians, police and pretty much anyone else prepared to trade ethics for money - and smile 'sincerely' into the cameras while doing so.

A most pertinent article in one of today's British newspapers asks the question "did the Tory tabloids keep Labour out of power?". Whether they did or not, we know that when any democratic system relies heavily on a population a third or so of which are reading newspapers such as the Daily Mail, Sun, Daily Express, and News of the World, then there is a problem. Disregarding any IQ implications of the readers, the fact, as any educationalist or media expert will verify, is that the average reading age of these tabloids is about 9 years old.

So what price democracy when a sizeable portion of the population can never fully understand the issues and are susceptible to media manipulation? That is, those bothered to even try to understand the issues?

Do I have an answer to this fundamental conundrum? No.

However, recognising there is a problem would at least be a starting point. I have just finished rewatching all 30 episodes of the fantastic 1975 BBC television series, 'The World At War'. So powerful, so profound, so disturbing.

The way Hitler and his cronies manipulated the mentally weak and ethically challenged, and all social classes, while putting the utmost fear in the minds of any opponents, is salutary to watch. Propaganda was fundamental to Hitler's power base and Goebbels was its master. In control of the media and with the Gestapo and SS at his disposal, Hitler ruled virtually unopposed.

Not that many ordinary Germans didn't support him. They did. At least enough of them in 1933 (37%) to given him the priceless 'democratic' platform from which he subsequently forced his way into power.

As I say, democracy has its weaknesses. It is not perfect. It all depends on the intelligence of the voters.

If you still doubt me, ask Obama. We now appear to be witnessing the decline of the USA, and probably large parts of Europe, starting with Greece.

Doubt the USA is in decline, at least economically? Then look at the highly revealing announcement this week that Apple now has more liquidity than the US government. A hundred years from now, who would take bets against a handful of global corporations controlling even more of the 'democratic' process than they do already? Don't think for one minute that all will be resolved when the current bosses of News International go under.

And all this in a country (the USA) that is supposedly founded on democratic principles. The reality, in spite of the fine democratic rhetoric, is that the poor American (and European) is getting poorer while the rich are getting richer (ref. Nobel Laureate, Joseph Stiglitz, who points out that under George W. Bush the income of the top 1% of US citizens has risen by 18% while that of the male blue collar worker has fallen by 12%).

Voters voting for their own demise out of ignorance, stupidity, anger, frustration or just lethargy. And willingly manipulated by a largely unethical media and increasingly powerful and greedy corporations.

As I say, I don't have the answer. Anyone who does let me know.

16 Faces of Women

2011-08-01T22:45:00.000-07:00

You may have spotted from my website that my latest book has just been published.

Anyway, in case you haven't then here is a reminder;

'16 Faces of Women' (co-authored with Rachael McNicol)

It is available on www.amazon.co.uk as an ebook, and itunes as an ibook (links on my website).

Had a lot of fun, and grief, writing this one. First attempt at trying to compartmentalise the various types of modern femininity began back in early 2004, following the success of 'The Many Faces of Men'. However, where men proved easier to package, women proved anything but.

Why was I surprised at that?

It took me several years before the '16 Faces of Women' book was finished and only then with the help of Rachael McNicol - actually, she rescued the project not least by insisting on it getting published. She also contributed to the writing and provided many precious insights into modern womanhood in all its various forms.

Hope you like it!

Daniel Craig, Our Friends In The North, and Facebook

2011-07-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

I have just finished watching the fabulous 1996, BBC 2 TV drama series, Our Friends In The North.

What a great series, certainly one of the best ever. I was an avid fan when it came out in the 90s, and so rewatched it with some trepidation. Had it survived the passage of time? Was the acting, and the script, still as convincing? I need not have worried. It works as well today as it did some 15 years ago. Wonderful viewing.

And some superb acting; Christopher Eccleston, Mark Strong, Gina McKie, Alun Armstrong, Malcom McDowell, Peter Vaughan, Daniel Craig.

In 2000, the British Film Institute justly placed the series at 25th on their list of the 100 Greatest British Television Programmes of the 20th century.

One difference in the viewing this time round and that is seeing Daniel Craig. Today he is probably the top British movie star, made globally famous by his James Bond role. Back in 1996 he was just another television actor, albeit a good one, with a particularly memorable face.

As 'Geordie', Daniel Craig brings real compassion, sympathy and emotional depth to his sad, dysfunctional character. But as James Bond he is cool, distant, muscular, intelligent and menacing. Plus he is the epitome of modern classless Britishness. This combination make him, for me, the best ever James Bond. I loved Connery, but lets remember, he is Scottish. Craig comes from West Kirby, near Liverpool. So he is almost a Scouser, just like I am.

And another reason why I like Craig. He is anti-facebook and twitter. As he puts it in a recent newspaper interview;

"Am I on facebook? No I'm bloody not! And I'm not on twitter either. They've proved pretty useful in Egypt. And might yet prove useful in Iran. But here? "Woke up this morning, had an egg" What relevance is that to anyone? Social networking? Just call each other up and have a drink. There is so much crap on it. We need to shut it out and I hope future generations will become more cynical in how they use social networking."

My concern, which I am sure Craig shares, is the way in which social networking is reducing people's attention span; too many are absorbing unimportant nonsense daily out of, I think, a fear of being 'left out' or socially 'isolated', maybe voyeurism. Consequently they are losing the mental ability to absorb and critically consider issues in depth. If the text goes on for more than a few sentences, they mentally shut down. They cannot deal with depth only easily accessible bits. I have friends who will happily spend all day at a computer, engaging with social networking in a multitude of expressions, but have stopped reading books altogether. And some of these are educationalists.

Bring back the books! Even bring on the ebooks, ibooks, apps, kindles, whatever bloody book form if that's what it takes to get people to start thinking again.

The world is rapidly dividing into two sections; the businesses and individuals who manipulate and strategically employ social networking to promote a product, service or ideology, and those who use social networking because they addicted to it. In the end, the former will end up controlling or at least heavily influencing the mental attitudes of the latter. Its already happening.

August - big events, big people, past and present

2011-07-29T22:40:00.000-07:00

August is my birthday month and it is a highly auspicious time. No, not because I am older by one more year, but because historically, August is portentous month. Here are some of the big events which happened in August (not in order of occurrence obviously):

1. First atomic bombs gets dropped - on Japan.
2. American's sign Declation of Independence.
3. Iraq invades Kuwait
4. Gulf of Tonkin incident - US begin war with Vietnam
5. Russia declared war on Japan
6. Watts riots in Los Angeles
7. Berlin Wall gets built
8. Foundation of the United Nations (pact between Churchill and Roosevelt)
9. Japan surrenders in 1945.
10. Woodstock
11. Elvis Presley dies
12. Bill Clinton gives testimony regarding the Lewinsky affair
13. US women get the right to vote
14. Adolf Hitler comes to power
15. Vesuvius erupts in 79 AD
16. Hugueonts massacred in France by Catholics
17. Krakatoa erupts in Indonesia
18. Russian Communist Party ceases to rule Soviet Russia
19. Princess Diana dies in car crash
20. Solidarity, Polish trade union, formed.
21. Warsaw uprising in 1944
22. President Nixon resigns over Watergate
23. American begins 'Desert Shield' against Iraq
24. Marilyn Monroe dies
25. 3 young Civil Rights workers murdered in Mississippi.
26. Christopher Columbus sails to Bahamas
27. Slavery abolished in Jamaica
28. Nelson Mandela arrested and imprisoned
29. First British colony in north America gets founded
30. Richard III killed at Bosworth Field
31. Start of English Civil War
32. Start of World War 1
33. Wild Bill Hickok shot dead in Deadwood
34. US withdraws from Vietnam
35. Ceasar Augustus dies in AD 14
36. Groucho Marx dies
37. Leon Trotsky murdered
38. Rudolph Valentino dies
39. Earhart flies across Atlantic
40. Paris liberated in WW2
41. Romans invade Britain, 55 BC
42. Cleopatra commits suicide
43. Rocky Marciano dies
44. Last day of the Roman Empire

Yes, an auspicious, if sometimes highly dangerous, month.

Who else, apart from me, was born in August?

Louis Armstrong
Raoul Wallenberg
Barack Obama
Alfred Lord Tennyson
Alexander Fleming
Mata Hari
Ralph J. Bunche
Herbert Hoover
Alex Haley
Cecil B. DeMille
Lucy Stone
Annie Oakley
Queen Mother (of Elizabeth II)
Queen Sirikit of Thailand
Alfred Hitchcock
Fidel Castro
Napoleon Bonaparte
Menachem Begin
T.E. Lawrence 'of Arabia'
Davy Crockett (used to wear his type of hat as young lad)
Meriwether Lewis
Orville Wright
Bill Clinton
Benjamin Harrison
Charles Debussy
Leonard Bernstein
Lee De Forest
Lyndon Baines Johnson
Mother Theresa
Wolfgang von Goethe
Elizabeth Ann Seton
Oliver Wendell Homes
John Locke
Mary Shelley
Abhisit Vejjajiva (current MP of Thailand)
Madonna
Mae West
Malcom Forbes
Andy Warhol
Antonio Banderas
Martin Amis
Barbara Ehrenreich
Ben Affleck
Martin Sheen
Billy Bob Thornton
Mother Teresa
Cameron Diaz
Charlie Parker
Coco Chanel
Philip Larkin
Princess Margaret
Conrad Black
Claudia Schiffer
Danielle Steel
Richard Gere
David Duchovny
Charlize Theron (gorgeous!)
Robert de Niro
River Phoenix
Edward Norton
Roman Polanski
Romano Prodi
Rupert Brooke
Sam Mendez
Eric Bana
Samuel Goldwyn
Sean Connery
Sean Penn
Sarah Brightman
Halle Berry
Huey Long
Stephen Fry
Stanley Baldwin
James Cameron
Ted Hughes
Terry Wogan
Jerry Garcia
Tim Burton
Thomas De Quincey
John Peel
Whitney Houston
William Goldman
Kim Catterall
Warren Buffet
John Dryden
John Buchan
Emilano Zapata
Eldridge Cleaver
Edwin Moses
Roger Penrose
Roger Federer
Robert Redford
Ray Bradbury
Peter Kay
P D James
Bernhard Langer
Alan Shearer
Princess Anne
King William IV
King George I
King Henry V
King Henry I

Clearly I am in good company. How different would be the world if this lot had never been born? They all certainly made their mark.

So what of August 2011? Can we expect portentous events? Maybe. I only hope it isn't the month when we see the Mad Hatters of the USA (the Republican Tea Party dolts) bring down the global financial system. That would be one August for the history books.

ps. (2nd August) I wasn't the only person to spot this link between August and big events, plus the ongoing US financial crisis. See Gideon Rachman's article in yesterday's Financial Times 'Beware the guns of August'. I don't think for one minute that he read my post first.

Big Brained Brits

2011-07-27T01:17:00.000-07:00

A study undertaken by researchers at Oxford University and reported in today's Daily Telegraph, confirms what I have always thought - that Brits from the northern parts of the UK have bigger brains than those from the south.

I appreciate that the studious and objective scientists from Oxford Uni put this difference down to the fact that northern human's brains have physiologically adapted to cope with "dull, cloudy skies and short periods of daylight", unlike their sun-soaked southern pals who are over-indulged with soft living, but I suspect they are just being politically correct.

Truth is, we northerners are smarter. And more generous, hospitable, easy-going, and inventive. Think of all the major inventions which ever came out of the British Isles. Yes, most were invented by those who lived north of Watford Junction. Indisputable evidence if you ever needed it. And I could go further and tell you than it was actually my ancestors, the Lancastrians and Yorkshire folk, who not only provided most of the British kings and queens down the centuries, but also built the first railways, steam engines, cotton mills, televisions, coal pits, steel works and shipyards. Indeed, without the doughty large-brained northerners the British Empire might never have existed, not least because we also filled up the armed forces with the good old 'British Tommy'.

(Actually, my grandfather was called Tommy, came from Clitheroe, fought in Greece, Italy and France during the 1st World War and came home without so much as a scratch - that's brains for you - plus luck.)

And my northern compatriots still dominate today - especially in sport and culture. The overwhelming majority of Premiership Football Clubs reside in a 200 mile radius of Bacup. Fish and Chips originated from Whitby. Coronation Street from Salford. David Hockney from Bradford. Gracie Fields from Rochdale. Rowan Atkinson from Newcastle. And where did the Beatles come from but Liverpool? While the Bee Gees were born in Manchester before they made the mistake of going to Australia.

And, of course, we have Margaret Thatcher from Grantham - OK, I accept we are not perfect.

There is one aspect of the Oxford study that does concern me though, if its true. And that is the proposed relationship between smaller brains and lots of sunlight. Living in Thailand the sun shines here pretty much 365 days a year. Is my brain getting smaller as a consequence? I sincerely hope not. Though when I look around me at the northern European males who've lived here for years, especially those propping up the bars in downtown Chiang Mai every night, I do wonder if the correlation is not proven.

They are among us and they look just like you and I

2011-07-24T03:55:00.000-07:00

They come in all shapes and sizes, large and heavy, tall and thin. Some are white, some black, some brown, some yellow. They can be Chinese, Dutch, British, South African, Mexican, American, Irish, French, Australian, Philippino, Russian, German, Cambodian, Spanish, Iraqi, Japanese, Iranian, Saudi Arabian, Syrian, Israeli, Brazilian, Algerian and even Scandinavian.

Their political affiliations range from the Far Left to the Far Right. Some are just Anarchists. Many have no idea what they are. The Nationalists, Nazis and Communists regularly give birth to them. Their religions tend to be Christian, Jewish, Hindu or Islam. Occasionally one gets a Buddhist. Maybe some are Pagans. Loads are agnostic.

Some are in their teens, others are retired. Many are in their 30s and 40s.

So they are a real mixture. But they all have one thing in common.

They are all men.

You know who they are. And now so too do the Norwegians.

They are the male murderers of humanity. The Mad Men: cruel, heartless, deluded, isolated, pitiful and without emotion, mercy or empathy with other human beings.

How long do we have to suffer them?

Murdoch and his Wendi

2011-07-21T02:40:00.000-07:00

Well I watched the public "humbling" of Murdoch et al on my computer and jolly good fun it was too. The man himself looked inebriated to me, either that or he is standing at very edge of the cliff of senility. Not that his senility would elicit any sympathy from me. I just want to see his empire crumble. I know British people won't give up wanting to read crappy rags like the Sun and NOTW, but at least it would be good to know they weren't putting more power and money in the hands of the Murdoch family by so doing.

As far as his son, James is concerned, he is your typical male management-speaking clone - of no particular character, distinctiveness or persuasion, merely able to present himself in such a way as to appear half-convincing. You just pump prime these business types with the right set of words and phrases, style their hair, put them in a dark suit, white shirt and fancy tie, and let them loose on the world. They won't do too much damage so long as you don't let their egos grow beyond their capacity. These men are not empire builders, not even Alpha Males. What they are is Corporate Men. James is a follower, not a leader. He will never ever be a leader. If his father wasn't Murdoch the best he could hope for would be a faceless senior manager in some medium sized company.

In my book 'The Many Faces of Men', I describe 27 male types. Corporate Man and Alpha Male are two of these types; the former being the less interesting, more common, and certainly more predictable of the two. However, I also identify a male type I label 'Murdoch'. I took the name from 'you know who'. This is how I describe 'Murdoch' in my book:

"A driven man; relentless and untiring; loves tax havens; quite ruthless; has Napoleonic self-belief - usually justified....Murdoch is the ultimate 21st century competitor - aggressive, cold, audacious, ruthless, clever and totally focused. We mortals can never get enough of these men, for they simultaneously fascinate us yet repel us... When it comes to women, this man loves the beautiful, the special, the sophisticated and the untouchably elegant... Murdoch may be a very poor physical specimen himself - jowly, overweight, troubled with gout - but that matters not a jot. Murdoch has something much more potent to offer in the game of seduction - he has power.... Women who are loved by a Murdoch will find his power being transfered to her and her children. Just so long as her husband's star holds sway, she can rule as queen."

And I wrote that in 2003. Prescient or what?

Wendi Deng was indeed the star of the Commons show, but do not think for one minute that she is particularly unique. Deng is typical of Oriental women - much tougher than she looks. I should know; I am married to my second wife of Chinese origin and I have had many Oriental lovers, so I know the species very well indeed.

When Deng lashed out at her husband's 'attacker' she was not so much defending Murdoch, she was defending herself, her own power.

Murdoch is just a man protecting a massive ego. Deng is a Chinese woman protecting her family's wealth and future. You cross her at your peril.

Taking the high/Thai road

2011-07-19T04:30:00.000-07:00

In a country that is over 2000kms from north to south, it is not surprising that sometimes one has to put the pedal down when living in Thailand.

I have just had four days of such 'pedaling'. Fortunately, this was done in a two-litre Mazda 3, so the going was good. Nevertheless, I had to watch out for road-hogging water buffalo, crazy scooterists, numerous over-loaded trucks, manic 4x4 drivers, lazy lorries, some really nasty potholes and, not least, the ubiquitous police check-points. However, re the latter, as I kept my speed at a rather sedately 110kms per hour on the fast stretches, and wasn't transporting drugs, guns or illegal immigrants, the Royal Thai Police politely waved me and my passengers on our way.

My passengers were my wife, 10 year old step-daughter and my wife's two adopted teenage daughters from her first marriage. So five of us, which meant a full car. Last weekend being a major Thai Buddhist holiday our car wasn't the only full one on the roads.

On Saturday morning we traveled the 180kms north-west to the quaintly rural, mountain-enclosed town of Pai (highly popular with European backpackers looking to taste some 'authentic' Thailand and Thais looking to see where many Thai movies are filmed). The Chiang Mai-Pai mountain road is high, jungle-covered, and hard work - it is not called the 'road of a 1000 bends' for nothing. Nevertheless, we made good time and even managed to squeeze a brief stop at a lovely waterfall (see photo) and get in some cycling around Pai township.

We returned to Chiang Mai on Sunday afternoon, just in time for my evening dinner date with French expat friend Olivier, Dr Louis Gooren a famous Dutch Professor of transexuality/medical biology (also retired to Chiang Mai), and Tomi (an altogether far too handsome young German man). The only person missing was Detlev who, alas, is currently in his home town in Germany recovering from a recent operation on his kidneys.

(Detlev, speedy recovery and hope you soon find yourself back in C Mai with your friends)

So a pleasant Sunday evening but not too much rest for yours truly because on Monday morning the whole family was up and off again this time south to Chianat, which is a small province in the middle of Thailand some 500kms from Chiang Mai. We were taking the two teenage girls to see their grandparents, my wife's parents, who live in a tiny hamlet about 30kms from Chianat city. This province gets hardly any visitors but is quite beautiful. It is one of the main rice-producing provinces of Thailand, so very green, very hot, and very wet. Not surprisingly Chianat also has lots of rivers, fish, and majestic herons, ibis and storks to feed on them.

After one night in Chianat (actually stayed in a hotel in Utha Thani, not far from my wife's parents home) this morning we drove back north to Chiang Mai, leaving the two teenagers to take the bus to their home in Bangkok.

So altogether, this past four days, I've driven about 1500kms (approx. 1000 miles). As you'll appreciate, the first thing I did when I got home a few hours ago was go to sleep for an hour. Just very tired.

And that is my driving limit really, especially here in Thailand where one can never assume anything from any other vehicle on the road - overtaking on the inside is commonplace, as is most any other maneuver so long as it does not result in impact! So one never relaxes at the wheel.

However, 1000 miles in four days while a lot for me is but nothing compared to my wife's driving exploits. She is an excellent driver (not quite as fast though probably safer overall than I - though I reckon I'm better on the mountain roads - and yes, she agrees with me on that point so not just my male ego talking). And my wife knows Thailand and the way the Thais drive, which is a big advantage, though I have learned a lot this past ten years.

But to put her and I in true perspective, a few weeks ago she drove from Chiang Mai to Bangkok and back IN ONE DAY! Unbelievable. I have never known anyone ever do that. This is over 1600kms (1000miles at least). She left at 4 am, arrived Bangkok around noon ("never even stopped for a pee"), did whatever task she had to do and two hours later drove back home, arriving in Chiang Mai around 10pm.

That is some going by any reckoning. She tells me she drove at a constant 110kms an hour, never yielding on any stretch on the southbound journey. I can believe it. She is one very focused woman. And determined. But then, she is nearly 20 years younger than I and that too makes a difference.

I can envisage the day when I give up the wheel altogether and let her drive me everywhere. However, for the time being, my male pride just won't allow it.

New website, new books

2011-07-09T20:11:00.000-07:00

Hope you like my new website - same address; www.stephen-whitehead.com

Got more stuff on it, links to relevant sites and my current activities, especially new books.

Thing is about websites, they need updating fairly regularly. Its a constant maintenance of one's presence in the world of the web. If the website gets dated, you get dated. Weird. Life was much simpler, and slower, before the web. Though not complaining. Couldn't easily live without it now.

My clever 15 year old son, Robert, designed my website himself. He is of that age when all things webby and techy appear as second nature to him. Check out his own website - actually a youtube link:

http://www.youtube.com/user/robgorgeous

He has a nice little earner designing youtube intros for people.

Next big projects coming up in 2011 and to be highlighted on my new website:

'16 Faces of Women' - ebook published by www.andrewsuk.com, to be available on itunes,kindle ipod, etc, (co-authored with Rachel McNicol) -

'Gender and Identity: Key themes and new directions' - academic text book published by Oxford University Press (co-authored with Dr Roy Moodley)

'The Relationship Manifesto' - the definitive book on 21st century relationships - published as an ebook and hardcopy with Chris Smith (www.shambles.net).

Will keep you posted!

Goodby NOTW - and don't come back

2011-07-08T18:55:00.000-07:00

Despite being a symbol of one aspect of British culture for some 150 years, the News of the World is now finished.

Personally, I say good riddance. It was always a trashy read and the aspect of British culture it represented - cant, hypocrisy, voyeurism and conservative reactionary ignorance - the UK can well do without.

Hopefully The Sun will now quickly follow down the plughole.

Everyone in the UK (and maybe elsewhere) is now asking if this signals the beginning of the end of Murdoch's Empire and especially his insidious, pervasive, Machiavellian hold over the British media and British political life.

I sincerely hope so.

The issue is not whether Rupert Murdoch is corrupt - there is no evidence to suggest he is. What is clear is that he is a bully and that he and his organisations have wielded a corrupting and tyrannical power over successive generations of UK politicians.

Murdoch's power has made cowards of good men and women for far too long.

This is David Cameron's biggest test - the British people will now see what he's truly made of. Whatever the outcome, a sycophantic stink will continue to pervade both the Conservative and Labour parties for many years yet. I hope Miliband now has the balls to rise to the occasion and stand up against the ethical corrosion of British political life which News International has single-handedly brought about. Miliband should seize this moment with vigour because right now he has nothing to lose.

It may be going too far to hold one single man (and his family) to account for the demise of British journalistic standards over the past four decades, the depressing rise of the gutter press and the justifiable cynicism with which the British people now view their politicians, but I'm more than willing to give it a try.

Turn around and its gone....

2011-07-07T01:47:00.000-07:00

Here are two photos to make you gasp.

Shanghai 1990 and Shanghai 2010 - What a difference 20 years makes. If you blinked you missed it.

For me they powerfully illustrate the unbelievable force behind humanity's drive for progress and development. It is something fundamental to the human condition and nothing, not even environmental deterioration, is going to stop it.

I just wish I'd visited the place for the first time in 1991 not 2011 as I did a month ago.

http://www.businessinsider.com/shanghai-1990-vs-2010-2010-6

'Won't Get Get Fooled Again' ? Yes, you will.

2011-07-03T01:05:00.000-07:00

So now to the next event in the continuing merry-go-round that is Thai politics.

General Election time.

As I write millions of Thais are putting their crosses to their favoured politician/party. All should be revealed around 10pm tonight.

Fascinating articles in today's Nation and Bangkok Post newspapers about the amount of money circulating amongst Thai prospective candidates - millions of baht apparently. This is money politicians are duly offering to people to vote for them. Seems the price of a vote ranges from 100baht (£2) to 1000 baht (£20), depending on the closeness of the vote in a particular consistuency. None of this is unusual, its a character of all elections here and has been for decades, though insiders are saying this is the "dirtiest" election ever, with blatant vote-buying going on around the country.

Some people may get arrested, though the process won't stop with a few arrests - becoming a politician is a sure way of getting wealthy here, whatever your political party, so the incentives are there.

What has also been fascinating is the way all the major parties, especially the big two, have been offering popularist policies to the electorate, especially the poorer, rural folk who make up the majority. Examples are a free laptop for every child; interest-free loans from the government; and massive reductions in tax. Thai economists claim none of these offers are feasible - the country couldn't afford it. Though that doesn't stop Thai political parties trying to seduce voters this way - many Thais will indeed fall for the false promises.

Who would I vote for? I would vote for Chewit Kamolvisit. He is independent, not associated with any major poltical party, very wealthy and stands on one platform which is to fight corruption at every level. His posters are all over the country. I cannot drive anywhere without seeing his scowling face glaring out. They are very different to most and one cannot help but look at them. His posters are all in Thai but my wife tells me one reads "politicians are like dirty nappies, they need changing regularly". Lovely turn of phrase.

What makes Chewit different is not just his anti-corruption stance and clever use of marketing, but that he was once the biggest single player in the Thai sex industry. He is enormously wealthy through owning brothels, go-go bars, massage parlours, the lot. His Davis Group (which owns the fabulous Davis Hotel in Bangkok, plus shopping malls and many up-market sex establishments) is estimated to have annual revenues of over 1 billion baht (£20+ million). The fact that Chewit made his money out of selling sex won't go against him here - the Thais are very broad minded when it comes to prostitution. In fact, it could go in his favour. Chewit has been arrested himself on bribery charges on several occasions and is no innocent as you can imagine. But, as he puts it "it takes a criminal to catch one". Another good catch phrase in his political campaign.

Though whoever wins, I don't hold out hope for any significant change in the way things are done here. The culture is too strong. Only the faces and names change.

Which is probably why the iconic song by The Who - 'Won't Get Fooled Again' - keeps coming to my mind. "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss".

Despite The Who's warning, we continue to get fooled every time. Especially the Thais.

China and Shangha - some impressions

2011-06-20T23:03:00.000-07:00

Up until last weekend my main impressions of Shanghai came from those friends and family who had visited the place, info on the web, books, and especially films (e.g. 'Shanghai'; 2010 film staring John Cusak).

Then last Friday I arrived there. Albeit only for a 3 night stay, but long enough to get some lasting impressions of the place, indeed China itself. In fact so many impressions that I am going to list them, together with some facts that I came across.

1. More Chinese are now learning English in China than there are English people living in England.

2. There are now 90,000 Chinese students studying in the UK.

3. A small bottle of beer costs £3-£4 in Shanghai. A bottle of Guinness costs £8. Living is not cheap in Shanghai.

4. The new Shanghai-Beijing high speed train covers over 800 miles in less than 5 hours; you can get a ticket for under £100.

5. The best selling cars in China are both Volkswagen models (including the Jetta), and Volkswagen have 4 models in the top 10. Buick and Chevrolet are also in the top 10 best selling car brands. Ford is not. Most taxis in Shanghai are Volkswagens or Nissan. If China produces its own car brand, then I didn't see it in Shanghai. China's big industrial challenge is to produce its own worldwide renown brands of techy goods in the way South Korea, Japan and even Malaysia, have done.

6. Shenzen (massive city in southern China) has recently banned the electric bicycle. There are 500,000 in Shenzen alone, and hundreds of millions nationwide. This easy, cheap and non-polluting mode of transport will be usurped by either cars or motorcycles. Those Chinese who own an electric bike are not happy. Nor should those who fear for the future of the earth and its environment.

7. 90% of Chinese young people claim they intend to join the Communist Party on reaching adulthood. However, this is not because they are communist (this is a dead ideology in modern China) but because being a Communist party member is essential in order to access yourself up the career ladder in government-run or overseen, organisations.

8. Many Chinese hotels, apartment blocks, and skyscrapers, do not have a fourth floor, or even floors between 40 and 49. 4 is a very unlucky number in China. So you can find floor numbers going straight from 39 to 50.

9. Despite a population of over 16 million, I could only find two big Buddhist temples in Shanghai. This the consequence of 60 years of Communist rule. There are more Buddhist temples within one square mile of where I live in Chiang Mai than there are in the whole of the enormous area which is Shanghai city.

10. Shanghai has two international airports and the biggest, Pudong, is in the Pudong area of Shanghai, to the east of the river. Everything in Pudong is new - 20 years ago it was just rice paddies. Now it hosts some of the tallest buildings in the world, vast realms of shopping malls, housing estates, hotels, flyovers, motorways, hi-tech industry, and pretty much everything else.

11. Many young Westerners are now working in Shanghai - lots of jobs and they don't need to speak Mandarin.

12. For me, the most attractive and evocative part of Shanghai city centre is The Bund - a 2km walk along the Haungpu river - this river flows into the massive Yangtze river, the main river of Shanghai province and China. Lining both sides of this part of the Haungpu River are the amazing skyscrapers and towers now coming to symbolise modern China. A new 'tallest building' is currently under construction. Not surprisingly, it is called 'Shanghai Tower'. So far its only about 10 stories high but will rise to over 630 meters making it the tallest building in China and the second tallest in the world. The architects are American.

13. 60 years of Communist rule have not dampened the entrepreneurial spirit of the Chinese, but they don't smile as much as the Thais.

14. Shanghai is now competing with Hong Kong to be the main financial centre of Asia. However, HK is, for me, well ahead in terms of culture, atmosphere, character, and beauty. One should go to HK to see this 21st century 'wonder of the world' and enjoy its unique buzz. One should go to Shanghai to either work or see how far China has come in just 2 decades. And if you want fun, sun and a great holiday, forget both places and go to Thailand.

15. After rapid rises, house prices in Shanghai are now steady or falling as the government makes desperate attempts to reduce inflation, burst the property bubble and cool down the heating economy. Most people rent a house. You can rent a big detached, 5 bedroomed, home in a gated community in Pudong for about £450 per month. Good condos for a lot less. The government has just banned people from owning 3 homes. As I say, Communism is history but still with its tell-tale remnants.

16. The Pudong International airport customs and immigration is the most efficient and friendly of any I have been anywhere in the world. There is a small tv screen at every immigration desk and it not only takes your photo but quickly and constantly updates you on your immigration process - all takes a few minutes. Finally, it then thanks you and invites you to rate the speed, friendliness and efficiency of the immigration officer which you can do by pressing one of several smiley faces on the screen. Manchester and Heathrow could do with that device.

17. A small bottle of water for sale in Pudong Airport costs around £3.

18. Foreign Direct Investment in Shanghai jumped 35.9% in the last 12 months, to US$1.6 billion. Most of this investment was in the service sector of Shanghai - which is where the jobs are for young Westerners.

19. The best beer in China is Tsing Tsao Supreme and it tastes great. This is definitely in my top 10 of beers worldwide.

20. Chinese car drivers like to use their horns. Thai drivers rarely do. This could be cultural or it could be because the Chinese are more stressed. I suspect its the latter, and indicative of how China is changing. I think the Chinese are going to have some massive mental health issues in the not too distant future, and this was confirmed by some related articles I read in the Chinese national press. The Western part of China is largely rural, slow, poor and undeveloped. The Eastern part (notably Shanghai but also Beijing), and parts of the South (e.g.Shenzen), have become mini-Japans - rapid and phenomenal growth and expansion, increased money and income, but also increased pressure on life-styles - individuals and families. The Communist party is trying to manage all this and direct the future in the way ageing parents might try to direct the future of their growing children. But the cat is now out of the Red Flag bag and for sure its not going back in. Just hope China, and the global environment, can handle it.

21. Lastly, Chinese ladies are lovely, especially those from Hong Kong and Taiwan (very stylish, sophisticated and sexy), so why is it that most of the Western men I have met and who live in China are married not to Chinese ladies, but to Thais? What is it about the Thai female that so bewitches Western males? I don't know, but answers on a postcard please if you do.

Muddy Feet Metaphor - Or 'Good for a Laugh'.

2011-06-20T22:53:00.000-07:00

Fancy a laugh?

Then go to

http://youtube.com/shamblesguru

and watch the video titled 'Muddy Feet Metaphor' - this shows me attempting to plant rice in a paddy field. (its actually my wife's new rice field - she is now into organic rice production -small scale at the moment)

Filmed by my friend Chris Smith, of shamblesguru, last Thursday in Sanpatong - 30kms outside Chiang Mai.

If you think its funny then that is nothing to how you'd laugh if you could understand what the Thai workers are saying to me!

New experiences coming up and a goodbye to someone special

2011-06-15T03:12:00.000-07:00

Hope you are following my podcasts - interviews with Shamblesguru (Chris Smith) on relationships, gender, sex, sexuality and the rest.

All available free, on itunes. Just look for 'Relationship Manifesto'.

Now published 14 podcasts and more in the pipeline. Latest one is titled 'Queer'. Worth a listen especially for those of you who think 'queer' is always and ever a derogatory term for those of us of an alternative sexual persuasion.

Last weekend Chris recorded two interviews with me where I reveal all about the Thai sex industry. These will come out next month. Now if you've ever wondered what a 'fish bowl' is and how it manifests itself in the world of sex for money, then listen to my podcast (part 1). All is revealed. Part 2 is equally fascinating as I talk about the karaoke bars, massage parlours and all those similar places that 'good Christian folk' seek to avoid. Actually, I think most of their customers are Christian, either that or Buddhist,with a smattering of Muslim and Atheist. Variety makes the world, and go-go bar, go round.

On Friday I am off somewhere I've only been once before but which has increasingly figured in my consciousness since living in Thailand. China. Actually I am visiting Shanghai, population 16.5 million and growing. The area where I am staying is called Pudong - a new and apparently rapidly developing area of this sprawling and historic city.

Never been to Shanghai, should be fascinating. Will blog about it on my return.

Actually, I am not the first in my family to get to Shanghai. My eldest son, Gavin, has been there several times, and my youngest two, Robert and Eleanor visited briefly with their mother some eight years ago. But even before these three kids of mine landed there, my father sailed up the Yangtze river back in 1937 as a 17 year old sailor in the Royal Navy. Days of British gunboat diplomacy and all that. Did he realise he was at the cusp of 20th century history as he leisurely navigated that legendary river? Probably not. No doubt he was just was looking out for the beautiful Chinese ladies - like all Whitehead males.

Nothing changes.

And talking of beautiful ladies, I want to say goodbye to a young woman who has, this year, and very welcomingly, impacted on my life in the most unexpected, engaging and various of ways. Her name is Gaby Corbera; 20 years old, Peruvian born, lived her early life in Venezuela and more recently in Boston, Massachusetts. Now studying at MIT. Bright lady indeed, and someone who I will never forget. Had the good fortune also to meet her mum and dad when they visited Chiang Mai recently. (Hi Angel, looking forward to seeing you back here one day - and to you translating 'Relationship Manifesto' into Spanish as you offered to do!)

Gaby is not only overflowing with postive energy she is full of reflective and learned wisdom; for example; "age is nothing, its who we are as people that counts". "Screw the boundaries and constrictions society has imposed on us. There is nothing more powerful than the power of love."

Wise words. And she is only 20. What a future. I watch it unfold with much interest.

The amazing thing about Gaby is that she has no negative character aspects; she is emotive, attaching, empathetic, honest, true, candid, frank, open and completely devoid of any manipulative intent. She could not lie to save her life. She constantly thinks of others and is always the first to offer support, a kind word, empathy.

If there is a God then he has touched her for sure.

Gaby is vulnerable at times, not least because of her unwavering desire to help others, but she is strong in herself, impressively so. Those people lacking her character (what I call 'emotionally thin' individuals) may be unsettled by her sheer energy and want to curtail it out of jealousy or simply insecurity, but she never lets this get to her. Gaby just continues to be herself and in the most attractive and compelling of ways.

I like the concept of the 'soulmate'; people who come into our lives unexpectedly but with purpose. They can be lovers, they can be family members, they can often be simply associates and friends. Sometimes, as with Gaby, they can be students. Following my Buddhist beliefs, I see soulmates as those with whom we have unfinished business from past lives; people we have karma with, and who we cannot avoid, not matter what, in this life.

They may not stay with us long, they may very well be a different culture, age and nationality, but we connect with them and we do so in such a deep and subconscious way that it denies rational explanation.

I have had several such soulmates in my life and this year I found another - Gaby.

Gaby, this weekend you fly home to be with your family and I wish you a safe journey. Your time in Thailand has been so special and I know you are going back in many ways a different, woman to the one who arrived here in January.

It was my privilege to teach you, and to share so many good moments of mutuality and understanding with you. I learned from you also.

You came into my life completely unexpectedly and then helped me get through a particularly difficult patch in my life (you know what I am referring to). On those days I felt a little vulnerable and isolated, you were there, without demands just offering unconditional friendship.

Thank you for all of it. I am also so glad I was able to help you in particular ways also.

Soulmates - mutuality and understanding, friendship across borders and boundaries, karmatic souls we cannot avoid who arrive to help us in this life. Wonderful.

Enjoy your life Gaby, and stay in touch.

Keep the positive energy flowing and swirling around you. The world needs it badly.

sluts, walks and feminism today

2011-06-12T02:20:00.000-07:00

I do feel a little sorry for Michael Sanguinetti. In fact, in some ways my heart goes out to him. I know this Canadian policeman and I have never met and are never likely to, but I do feel an association with him. Why? Because we have both said things in lectures to students which can be taken a number of ways and often are. Only difference is, what he has said in a lecture has started a whole political movement, or at least reinvigorated an old one - something he never thought would happen in his wildest imaginings when he first agreed to do the lecture at York University, Toronto.

Words and phrases are not grounded and fixed, they are open to multiple interpretation depending on the subjectivity of the individual receiving them (ref. Jacques Derrida). At the same time, words and phrases can be heavily political; they can be spoken and presented in a way which immediately attaches them to concepts, ideologies, ideas and political standpoints which are pretty unpleasant if not downright dangerous (just listen to how Hitler used and presented the word 'Jew' in his speeches). So words such as 'queer', 'gay', 'nigger', 'black', 'paki', 'lesbian', 'slut', 'whore', are not neutral. They are political. But which political?

'Queer' can mean 'strange, unusual and untypical'; it can be used as a derogatory term to describe gays and often has been; or it can be used as part of a highly credible and intellectually sophisticated sociological (feminist) theory to examine sex, sexuality and gender identity and practice (read Judith Butler, Eve Sedgwick, Sara Ahmed - also listen to my podcast on itunes broadcast this weekend). Likewise many people of African and Caribbean origin appropriate the word 'nigger' in such a way as to deny or limit its appropriation by racist whites.

I am sure Michael is not aware of these language distinctions. Well, at least he wasn't. Maybe he is more sensitive to them now. When he gave his voluntary lecture to some Canadian students a few months back and spoke about how women should avoid "dressing like sluts so as to avoid rape", Michael stepped on a language landmine. I have no idea what he thought he was saying or trying to convey when he spoke these words, and really nor does anyone else. But what happened is that his words got interpreted in a particular (obvious?) way and so its all kicked off since; to the extent that yesterday there was yet another 'slut walk', this one in London, with many thousands of people, mostly women, claiming the word 'slut' for themselves and in a very powerful, feminist, and overtly political manner. Good for them. The point they are making is absolutely right and I fully support it.

There are two big issues here - one is the word 'slut' the other is the assumption that women can in any way be responsible for their own rape and assault by men. Regards the latter issue, no one in their right mind would claim that women can be in any way responsible for their own rape. Rape and sexual assault is an issue directly and solely connected to men and their masculinity, not women and their femininity. Michael most likely tried to make his point with the best of intentions - e.g. the safety of women - but it was presented in the wrong way and he used the wrong example, and the wrong words. Big mistake but easily done in a flowing lecture, as any lecturer will tell you. (maybe I am being a little generous here, but that is my prerogative).

And then there is the issue of 'slut'. I just think its wonderful how women are now appropriating this term and claiming it for themselves and in a non-judgmental or pejorative manner. Its only a four-letter word, but 'slut' can be given multiple meanings and these women and their supporters are claiming one interpretation for themselves - a feminist, liberating and empowering interpretation (actually, I think only women can appropriate this word as feminist label, not men, though men can stand on the sidelines in support).

The third aspect that strikes me about all this is the question of feminism itself, especially its contemporary relevance. For me, feminism is as relevant today as it was when the feminists from the 1950, 60s and 70s, (Betty Friedan, Simone de Beauvoir, Germaine Greer, Dorothy Dinnerstein et al) first put pen to paper and duly raised our enlightenment levels. However, so many times in my lectures to students I have tried to get them to recognise that feminism is part of their political heritage and identity and failed, well, partly failed. Many young women just don't want to be associated with the label. The reasons for this are complex and I'll not go into them here.

But then along comes Michael and suddenly we have these very same women back out on the streets, just like their older sisters were decades ago. Sure, they are not burning bras, they have moved on from that statement. They are reclaiming the word 'slut', restating what it means to present oneself as a woman in terms of dress and language, and at the same time making the most powerful point about rape and assault being a male, not female, issue.

'Slutwalk' is a feminist project, and therefore no different to the feminist projects and protests which captured the imagination of millions back in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s. Only this time it is feminism aided and abetted by the Internet.

Just a few years ago no one outside of Michael's lecture would have a clue what he said. His lecture would have stayed in the lecture room, never leaked outside it.

How different today; we still may not truly know what he meant with his words, but millions around the world almost immediately knew he'd spoken them. Following which, within weeks we have millions of women reactived as feminists.

As I say, feminism never really went away, its just had a bit of a hiatus.

Whiter than White Politicians

2011-06-07T02:49:00.000-07:00

As my blog of 28th May informed you, it is currently election time in Thailand and all is kicking off as I write.

Now despite the Thai's trying to emulate Western political democracy (at least in rhetoric), many aspects of Thai politics are very different to the Western way. For example, a Thai politician will openly admit to having visited a fortune teller (typically a famous monk) for advice on what the future holds - they may even hold a press conference afterwards. Politicians in this country will invariably wear Buddhist charms (amulets) around their necks to ward off evil spirits, bad luck or even to protect them from assassins bullets (as happened to a prominent Thai politician two years ago). Many Thai politicians and/or their wives acquire their wealth from the Thai sex industry (brothels, go-go bars, etc), though never a word of this is spoken pejoratively in public or the media - it is just the way things are done around here; so fine if that is how you pay your for your children's elite education, no one is bothered and it certainly won't cost you votes. And as far as Western style 'political sex scandals' are concerned there is no chance of one of those in Thailand. As I said on a recent 'Relationship Manifesto' podcast, the whole country is 'swinging' in which case the idea that some Thai politician would come to grief because he (usually a male) has engaged in extra-marital sex is just unthinkable here - there'd be no politicians left to elect. I know of many male Thai politicians who are (almost) openly gay but have wives and children. No one bothers in Thailand just so long as you keep face and don't do the 'naughty things' too openly. Which is nice. As I say, a swinging country. (Sexual openness is one area in which the Yanks and the Brits could learn a lot from Thailand).

But one aspect of Thai politics which is depressingly familiar, but is also light years behind the Western political scene, concerns skin colour. If you are a very dark skinned Thai man or woman with ambitions to be in politics then you better start using the ubiquitous skin whitening creams (available from Tesco and Boots) pretty fast for the chances of you getting elected with a dark brown face are pretty much at zero here.

The inherent and persistent Thai racism over skin colour is patently obvious when one looks at the poster boards springing up like rampant banana plants all around Chiang Mai. We have hundreds of photos of male and female politicians of all ideological persuasions and everyone of them looks like they have just stepped out of a Daz advert - or washing machine. Why? Because every Thai knows that it would be electoral suicide to have your untouched photo shown around the country. You must be see to be white in skin, even if you are less than white elsewhere.

This attitude does irritate me, but then that is Thailand and I am just a guest. Nevertheless, I have had to laugh out loud at a new political face being presented on the election billboards around Chiang Mai this week. He is a young man, early 30s, dressed in dark suit with white shirt and blue tie (very British style actually). But whoever touched up his photo to make him look less dark than he naturally is went a little overboard. The poor guy now looks like an extra from some Zombie movie. So white a snowflake wouldn't show on his nose. And they have given him heavy red lips. I ask you, who is doing this?!

Poor, anemic looking sod. No wonder he is not smiling. They need to take him indoors and soon, he is frightening the children.

A good news story

2011-06-02T02:59:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of this year a man I will just identify as 'D' emailed me out of the blue. I didn't know him but the story he told me was fascinating.

D, now in his early 40s, is British, from the inner cities of the north of England, 'working-class' background (though as he put it "no one in my family ever worked, they were all on benefits"), got excluded from school at 15, started work but experienced "abuse, violence and exploitation', slipped into criminal activity and eventually found himself in and out of prison until his final release in 1997. He has been diagnosed with learning difficulties but somehow still managed to overcome all these obstacles and get himself a degree and then an MA at a top London university.

Why did he contact me? Because D's area of research is men and masculinities. He knew my background, my writings and research, and sought my advice on how to progress onto a PhD, in particular a scholarship.

D is very proactive, very motivated, and very bright. He had already been in contact with some top British sociologists and could clearly see a pathway before him; this would involve applying for a 3-4 year, full-time PhD scholarship from the British Economic and Social Research Council. Now these grants are like gold dust - heavily sought after but highly difficult to get. You really have to be at the top of your game, sociologically speaking, to obtain one. The grants are worth tens of thousand of pounds, paying your fees and general support, plus additional income for the time you are on the PhD. As I say, gold dust, especially in today's stricken UK HE funding climate.

I gave D some advice on his draft ESRC proposal and lots of encouragement. I knew the task he faced would not be easy, but having read his work I recognised someone with the intellectual potential and general ability to succeed at PhD level.

Clearly, I was not the only one to spot talent, for just an hour ago D emailed me to say he'd been awarded an ESRC grant to study at Oxford University under a top Professor of Gender Studies.

I am so delighted for him.

D is not the first young person I have seen make this move. I have a close friend called 'S' who also comes from a very non-traditional background, got herself into HE, and eventually was awarded an ESRC grant to do PhD research into gender, class, education and identity. I am so lucky to have been able to offer some small support to both D and S. These are the experiences and people one will remember into one's dotage.

D, I wish you every success. Go for it. You have achieved so much already but for sure sometime in the not too distant future you are going to be siting in your office of some top British university as an accomplished academic offering welcome guidance to another young person of similar background to yourself, desperate to achieve their potential.

This is karma in action. What comes around goes around.

Waterfalls and 8 inch monsters

2011-05-30T19:43:00.000-07:00

With a population of 200,000, plus tourists, Chiang Mai is Thailand's second largest city. And it is expanding. Where once was tiny hamlets and villages linked only by paths through rice fields, now there are highways, urban estates and Tescos. But go only a short way out of the city and you are into pristine countryside, rain forest and mountainous jungle. Last Sunday morning my wife, stepdaughter and I had a fancy to get in amongst this beauty. Within 40 minutes we were driving along a forested mountain road, winding north west and upwards. After stopping for the ubiquitous coffee (a major produce here in northern Thailand), we came across a sign for a waterfall, 2kms drive off to our left. Now 2kms may not sound far in a car, but from experience I know this could take ages, depending on the accuracy of the '2kms', the state of the road and how high it goes. But the road looked ok, the sign also in good condition, so off we went. We were not disappointed. 10 minutes later we came to the waterfall entrance; a national park office, with toilets and car park. We paid the 20 baht each (40 pence) and walked the remaining 200 metres.

The photos posted in my previous blog show what we found.

The place was deserted. After spending some time just looking at the powerful cascade of water plunging over a 60 meter precipice, I could resist it no more. Nor could my stepdaughter. (my wife settled on taking photos). Great fun.

This is truly Amazing Thailand. Such natural beauty on one's doorstep. Strangely enough it reminded me of Yorkshire and the many years I spent living around Leeds. Just the same, 40 minutes drive north and one is into similarly verdant beauty - though admittedly Wharfedale doesn't have waterfalls that one can go swimming in, at least not without a wetsuit.

And nor does Yorkshire have 8 inch grasshoppers. On the way home we stopped by a roadside noodle stall and were amazed to see this little boy playing with one such monster insect. Quite placid and well fed beast it was - the insect that is. Though the boy seemed happy too.

A day of unexpected pleasures and surprises.

Waterfalling

2011-05-30T19:34:00.000-07:00

Looking West, and East

2011-05-28T16:57:00.001-07:00

Aspirations reveal a lot about us. For much of the 20th century people in the East looked to the West, not least the UK, as the social, cultural, political and economic model to follow. I can make this claim because having lived in Southeast Asia on and off for 10 years I know just how powerful a sway the image of Great Britain has over the minds of ordinary Asian people; and I am not just talking about football and pop music.

But it is changing. Increasingly we can see the West looking East and especially its young people. Two of my four British children are living or soon will be living, in Southeast Asia. At least another one intends to come out here when he is old enough to do so. I hear the same stories from many of my friends and associates.

Certainly, if I was Thai, I wouldn't want the government to follow the UK model, unless it happens to be on the football field.

Unemployment in the UK is officially at 2.6 million and rising. But on top of that there are more than 5 million people who receive welfare payments. Bottom line is that about 20 million Brits, or a third of the population, now rely on welfare payments to survive. Child poverty is the highest in Europe and over 1 million 18-23 year olds are NEETS (not in employment, education or training), and if you are a black ethnic minority youth living in a British inner city you have a much higher chance of going to prison than into higher education. A university education now costs typically at least £50,000 once you add in all the extras including loan interest, while jobs are drying up, especially in the one area which has expanded the past three decades, the public sector. Taxes are rising, inflation is going up, wages are going down or being suppressed and no longer can people fund their lifestyles through constantly increasing house prices. People are being squeezed from all sides and there appears no relief in sight. (Recently the UK government issued advice to its welfare payment office staff on how to handle potential or threatened suicides amongst their claimants)

And this is just today. Think about decades to come when all those now surviving on welfare won't have a pension big enough to take them into old age.

By contrast, unemployment in Thailand is currently at less than 1%, one of the world's lowest rates, more people are going to university than ever before, jobs are increasing, the middle classes have never had it so good, and you can live very comfortably on £400 per month, though millions get by on much less. A friend of mine who works in a top International School in Bangkok recently told me that pupils of his won't look at a car costing less than 3 million baht (£60,000). Many drive to school in Porsche, Mercedes and Ferraris: Conspicuous consumption? Yes. Desirable lifestyle for an 18 year old? No. But very revealing of just how much money is now floating around Bangkok and similar Asian cities.

Right now the UK is a mess, and I say that with no pleasure, only relief that I am not living there any more.

Election Time in Thailand

2011-05-28T03:25:00.001-07:00

Just over 12 months ago the Thais were knocking seven bells out of each other in the centre of Bangkok. The mayhem resulted in nearly 100 deaths, hundreds injured and parts of the city left looking like a war zone. (At one point some idiot Australian even got in on the act and tried to burn down a major shopping centre. Obviously was in need of some ice-cold lager to cool him down - or maybe he'd already had a barrel-full of that). Soldiers faced soldiers, police faced police, the pro-Thaksin red-shirts threatened all and sundry, snipers from both sides picked of the innocent and guilty alike, and the poor Bangkokians just hoped it would all go away.

Well, after about six weeks of this violence, it did.

So what was it all about? Well, the red shirts wanted the government dissolved and new elections. And now they have them. The Thais go to the polls on the 3rd July after which they may or may not have a change of government. Abhisit, the current PM and leader of the Democrats (who the red-shirts hate with a vengeance) may be returned to power or the hot-seat may go to the first woman to be elected PM of Thailand - Yingluck Shinawatra. Though my bet is on a coalition - coalitions are wonderful devices; literally overnight ardent enemies have to start being nice to each other.

Now if you've even remotely followed the news out of Thailand since the coup of 2006 then you'll no doubt recognise Yingluck's surname. Yes, she is the younger sister of the redoubtable Thaksin.

Thaksin, who pulls lots of political strings in Thailand, though from the safety of Dubai, installed Yingluck as leader of his Pheu Thai Party claiming, with some misplaced pride, that she was his "clone".

The real irony is that Abhisit was going to the polls anyway this year and really last year's violence was all for nothing. The red shirts will get their election, as will all Thais. They just had to wait.

But as history tells us, put guns in the hands of misguided men and a patient outcome is not what invariably transpires.

Still, right now all is peaceful save for the politicians doing what politicians at election time always do - fill the airwaves with rhetoric while promising the earth to those who are desperate, or deluded, enough to believe they'll get it.

Walking for the Good of It.

2011-05-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening I finally did something that had long been lurking in the back of my mind as a task to accomplish. I walked up to Wat Doi Suthep.

This beautiful 600 year old Buddhist temple is one of the most famous and revered in all of Thailand. It is located 15km outside of Chiang Mai city and sits over 1000 meters up on Doi Suthep mountain, overlooking the city. The road up to Wat Doi Suthep is 11kms long and was only built in 1935, by a monk (Phra Krubra Srivichai) who organised villagers to build the road. It is some accomplishment. The 3-lane, tarmacadam road (actually in excellent condition) winds high up into the mountains, through pristine rain forest, over waterfalls and eventually reaches the steps of Wat Doi Suthep itself.

But why walk it yesterday? Well, today is Visakha Buddha Day - celebration of Buddha's birth, enlightenment and death (which legend has it all fell on the same date in May - day of the full moon). This is why Thai Buddhists celebrate Visakha Buddha Day today.

In Chiang Mai this celebration takes the form of an annual mass night-time walk up to Wat Doi Suthep the evening before Visakha Buddha Day. It is an event unique to Chiang Mai and really it is quite amazing.

Myself, my wife, stepdaughter (11) and family friend started out at 5.30pm and I reached the temple just two hours later - really a strong walk, no stopping, just head down and striding out. My family arrived about 90 minutes after me. The walk is really testing - every inch of it is uphill. And yesterday it was wet - we caught a heavy downpour at the start, though not much rain thereafter. At least it was cool.

I had never witnessed the event before and I was staggered by how many people were walking. My wife, who has done the walk twice before but years ago, told me many people did it, but apparently yesterday was the biggest event yet. I estimated between 60,000 and 100,000. Yes, I kid you not. Unbelievable. When we started at 5.30 (it was still light) there were hundreds, but when we came down the mountain (in a red cab) at 9pm and in pitch darkness there were tens of thousands; crowds of men, women and children, walking steadily uphill. For long stretches the crowds were so great the traffic couldn't pass, up or down, not even scooters. At one point we had to get out the cab and walk downhill for another kilometer or two.

I have been to some really big football matches - Wembley FA Cups, European Cups, International games, Anfield, Leeds, etc. But the crowd of people walking up to Doi Suthep last night was bigger than any I have seen before. Along the roadside, all the way to the top, were people offering free food and drink. There was music, several processions, thousands of yellow robed monks, men and women wearing the traditional Buddhist lay person dress of all white, and of course, ordinary folk of all ages. However, my estimate was that 70% of those walking were aged between 16 and 35. So I was one of the oldest, sure!

99% of the walkers were Thai. I saw very few foreigners. One or two Western guys with Thai wives, like myself, but that was it. The tourists don't know about this event, or else decide that an 11km walk up a jungle clad mountain in pitch darkness is not for them.

And of course, there is no booze for sale anywhere. Remember, this is a Buddhist event.

Everyone was so happy, easy going, well behaved, patient and hospitable. There were police around but that was just to ease the traffic and general congestion.

As I was watching this unique religious spectacle unfold, I was struck by how strongly it signifies the goodness of Thais and Buddhism. Many of those walking last night, who started with the main procession, around 7.30pm, would still be walking at midnight. And then they've got to get downhill. For sure there would still be walkers on that road at 5 am this morning.

And for no other reason but to celebrate the life of Buddha. No preachers, no strident worshiping once people get to the temple itself, no dogma, no radicals, no aggression, just the quiet, peaceful, determined but humble embrace of a precious, 2500 year old philosophy which will, no doubt, be nurturing humankind long after some other religions have run out of energy - and argument.

Moments like this one just cannot help but admire the innate goodness of humanity.

Glad I witnessed it. I hope to be back next year.

Meanwhile, the post below shows some photos of Visakha Day walkers at Doi Suthep, the temple itself, and the surrounding countryside and views.

Wat Doi Suthep - Visakha Buddha Day. May 2011

2011-05-16T20:05:00.001-07:00

Relationship Manifesto

2011-05-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

If you look around the world you might consider that the most complex and important aspect of human affairs is the political closely followed by the religious. After all, its the political and the religious that seem to influence so much of what we do, say, think, aspire to, and experience.

But for me, the most complex aspect of human affairs concerns the dynamics of sexual love relationships.

Which is why I have enjoyed researching, experiencing, and talking about them for many years now.

There is no definitive answer to the complexities of relationships, sexuality, and love. But we all get plunged into this emotive vortex from our early teens and it stays with us in some form or another until we die.

However, in my Relationship Manifesto podcast (soon to be a book) I do offer my perspective on love, sex and relationships and many of you are listening in and apparently enjoying it (or maybe you just like my interviewer's sexy voice - Chris Smith of shamblesguru)

Whatever, to date, well over 5000 people have listened to the podcasts and from around the world. Thanks to all of you.

Hope you are one of them.

If you have not listened in so far, go to itunes and

http://bit.ly/relationshipmanifesto

or to

http://relationshipmanifesto.posterous.com

Boys wearing skirts

2011-05-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

Boys wearing skirts! What next? Surely this is another unmistakable indicator of the demise of macho, John Wayne-type, masculinity. What is the world of men coming to? Are we all turning gay?!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/8504552/Boy-wears-skirt-to-school-in-protest-against-discrimination.html

And yes, if you read the article you'll note that this young man is called Chris Whitehead (aged 12)

Not sure if he's a relative or not, but would like to think he was.

Well done, Chris. You've clearly got a political future ahead of you.

Heading up the Salary Stakes

2011-05-10T02:26:00.001-07:00

Here is a question to make you think...

What is the most important job in a democratic, hi-tech, 21st century, globalised society?

Answer: (see below)

Whichever particular job you think is the most important (ok, I accept its a rather glib question, but bear with me), I do know that one of the most powerful, and therefore most important jobs, has to be that of a teacher. Teachers are not only the mentors for younger generations and the distributors of key knowledge, they are also acting in loco parentis and for that reason alone are worth their salt, especially given the unassailable fact that most two parent families now hold down two full-time jobs plus the rising number of single parents who are also working full time. So parents, indeed all of society, increasingly relies on the school to act in a pseudo-parenting role.

But who manages the teachers?

Well, the headteacher, of course.

So what is a headteacher worth?

In the UK, a lot of money. In fact, secondary head salaries are commonly over £100,000 pa, and increasing numbers of heads are bringing in excess of £150k. Which is more than David Cameron, the British Prime Minister, earns (£142k).

Apparently, this 'unfair discrepancy' has upset a few Tory folks - notably the Education Secretary, Michael Gove. Now it seems there is a move to limit headteacher's salary to below that of the PM, so no more than £140k pa.

(I smell the scent of socialism coming from the Conservative Party. Shame on them, I thought they were the party of market forces).

Now I accept that heads are earning a decent salary, but maybe that is because fewer and fewer teachers fancy the job - what a way to earn a living; having to be subject to ofsted, unions, randam government interference, endless beaucracy, targets, league tables, violent pupils, violent parents, and all that loco parentis to boot.

And to get it in perspective, if you think the heads are overpaid, what about the bankers?

Who would you rather headed your local school - a banker or a teacher?

I rest my case.

Answer: the nuclear power workers, as Japan recently discovered.

Vistors to the patch

2011-05-04T02:43:00.000-07:00

Continuing with a 'nature' theme to my blogging, here are some photos of visitors to my garden. Some are more welcome than others, several are to be avoided at all cost.

The snakes are the silent, ruthless, accomplished and deadly assassins, lurking in the undergrowth of the garden or just visiting from neighbouring fields in search of frogs and the like. Today we had a mild commotion when the green snake in two of the photos decided to climb our front gate. Apparently it was a green pit viper, though there are several types. Anyway, it gets added to the list of snakes we've had visit in the past two years - at least six different species so far.

Then there is the really nasty looking giant centipede (got this photo from the web, never fancied photoing these myself). The centipedes are almost as bad as the snakes, perhaps more of a danger because there are so many more of them around. They are not fatal but apparently if you get stung by one its an experience you are never going to forget.

Along with these two less appealing types we have the birds, which I love - 15 or so varieties including kingfishers, bulbuls, doves, herons, mynah birds, black-collard starlings, and many I don't know the name of. From about 4pm to dusk (approx. 6.30pm) we get treated most days (unless there is thunder and lightening) to an impressive aerial display by swifts, swallows, martins and, especially, the bats. Lots of bats around - two or three varieties locally.

Down on the ground we have frogs, toads, millipedes, crickets, spiders, geckos, lizards and something which only comes out at night but loves to churn up my grassed garden looking for worms - a sort of field rat, though never actually seen it. Real pain in the arse whatever it is. But I have found a way to deter it - just put down a few blocks of concrete paving wherever it appears - doesn't like to chew that.

I like the geckos, which is just as well as we have lots of them living in the house itself. They are darty, dainty creatures, make a little clucking sound at night, and eat anything small which moves. The only way you can rid a house of geckos in Thailand is to have a cat - I like cats but the geckos look after themselves.

One of the top photos is a snake (keelback, I think) in the process of swallowing a fairly large toad just outside our front door late one evening.

My limited experience of snakes in Thailand (and until I had a garden I rarely saw them) is that they are tenacious, fearless and not easily intimidated. They will stand their ground and are quick to strike, so don't get too close. Most Thais deplore and fear them and are quick to send them to their 'happy hunting ground' in the sky if they can. Myself, I couldn't kill one, but I can understand why they have such a bad reputation out here.

Anyway, nowadays, despite the heat but just to be safe, I always walk around in the garden wearing a pair of crocs on my feet.

She has form

2011-04-29T01:54:00.000-07:00

Following on from my last blog, my wife has just informed me that she watched Charles and Diana's wedding of 29th July 1981, live on Thai television.

Clearly she has form which I knew nothing about. I may have to reappraise the relationship....

Actually, her watching that particular British spectacle on Thai tv 30 years ago is quite remarkable. Back in those days the Thais had about one television for every 500 households.

Nowadays they have more televisions than bowls of noodles - and ten mobile phones for every bit of confetti thrown today at W and K.

William and Kate Free Zone

2011-04-29T00:49:00.000-07:00

You might reasonably assume, being 6000 miles from the epicentre of it all, that my home would be a safe and peaceful 'William and Kate Free Zone' today.

Alas not; my wife is avidly following this pseudo-romantic, postmodern, saccharin, Walt Disneyesque ritual celebration of hereditary privilege on Thai television. Here in Thailand this spectacle of British royalty, accompanied by a celebrity aristocracy and various dubious politicos, has completely taken over the media and the Thais are mesmerised by it. In so many ways the whole performance only goes to confirm what they think they know about the British.

No, don't ask me what that is as I have no idea, but whatever it is it seems to be well reflected in this wedding feast.

Maybe Kate and William can bring marriage back into fashion. I doubt it.

Anyway, I wish them luck but very glad I am out of it. Well, almost out of it.

Christianity and the Akha

2011-04-24T01:59:00.000-07:00

So its Easter. Well, in the Christian parts of the world, certainly. Out here in Buddhist land it barely registers at all - not an Easter Egg to be seen anywhere.

However, Christianity does have a presence here, as it has in most countries. The surprising thing is that this Christian presence looms larger outside the cities than in them, at least if you factor in the differential population densities.

A couple of weeks back my family and I ventured out into the mountains of Phayao, northern Thailand, the purpose being to take our informally adopted son, Somchai (12), back to his family roots to stay with his grandfather and grandmother for a few weeks. Somchai is Akha, which is one of the 10 or so ethnic hill tribe groups which have lived in Thailand for centuries. The Akha originate from Tibet, maybe around the time that Buddha was walking the earth. Certainly they have been in this part of the world longer than the 'Thai' people themselves, most of whom came here during the past millenium, particularly over the last three hundred years.

The Akha have not changed their way of life much since arriving from Tibet. They still live in remote forested areas, which they rely on for cultivating food and crops. And they still wear their traditional costumes, at least for weddings and other special occasions. They speak hardly any Thai and certainly no English. Though the lucky ones do have Thai identity cards, thus granting them Thai citizenship. Extremely important, otherwise they couldn't travel or work around Thailand without permission from the police. This is only a recent change. Up until the past few decades, the Thai hill tribe peoples had no legitimate Thai identity and certainly no passports.

For many hundreds of years the Akha cultivated the poppy, which, during the 1960s and 70s especially, found its way onto the streets of Western cities in the form of heroin, encouraged not least by the US presence in Vietnam during that period (see the movie 'American Gangster' to get a cinematic version of events). Eventually, the Thai authorities put a stop to that particular crop and so the Akha turned to planting coffee beans.

One of the interesting aspects of hill tribe life today is that the ethnic hill tribe women of child-bearing age are increasingly leaving their villages in search of work in the big cities of Bangkok, Pattaya, Chiang Mai. This modern diaspora leaves the villages empty of younger women and populated only by the elderly, children, and a few able bodied males. Many hill tribe women end up in the sex work industry, though certainly not all. Somchai's mum (aged 31) did precisely this and moved to Pattaya some years ago, though not as a sex worker. She sells trinkets along the beach. She has four children, one only 6 weeks old. She was at the village when we arrived, which was the first time Somchai had seen her in over a year. He has no idea who is father is. Somchai's uncle similarly left the village a few years ago. He now works in a factory in Taipei. Apparently, there is a strong demand for the sturdy, hard-working, and cheap, Akha labour in the developed parts of southeast Asia.

While the Akha are poor, though this is a relative term, they are certainly not starving. They are surrounded by many crops and are adept at turning forest into food to eat. Though the big problem with the Akha is that they have a tendency to cut down the big forest trees to make room precisely for these crops of coffee, rice, corn or whatever. On my trip, I was saddened to see the fairly large swathes of forest cut away like this, though lots remain. My wife claims they take more out of the forest than they put back in. I am not so sure. Though as with everything, it is indeed a question of balance if the environment is to sustain them long term. However, as a Westerner I feel I am in no position to preach to the Akha about self-sufficiency.

But back to Christianity. The Akha are Christian, not Buddhist. Though admittedly its a form of Christianity heavily infused with animism (the worship of spirits and gods in the forests). The village where Somchai was born has a church (clean, but not very grand) and many individuals wear the cross and have Christian images in their houses. This is not untypical in the remoter parts of Thailand. As in other parts of the world, seems many of the earliest Western visitors to Thailand were Christian missionaries intent on converting the 'heathens'. The Thais themselves have pretty much resisted the ongoing Christian propaganda of several centuries, preferring Buddhism as way of life. However, the Akha were more vulnerable, maybe because animism, despite being one of the most ancient beliefs, is rather weak when confronted by the 'One God' approach. Bit like Druidism in the British Isles prior to the Romans and, subsequently, St Augustine and his contempories.

Photos above show the typical Akha houses (pretty much identical to the traditional wooden Thai house, many of which still remain in Thailand), and Somchai's family (far left to right, Somchai's mum and her baby, Somchai's third brother, his grandmother, Somchai, his grandfather (aged 63 and a fine looking guy), and brother number 2.

You will notice the bed - this is a real luxury, most Akha sleep on the wooden floors - and the fan. Again, this is a luxury. The Akha villages have no piped water, no waste management system and no electricity. But they do have batteries, which they use for fans and some lighting.

These remote places of the Akha and similar hill tribes are now the only parts of Thailand where you won't find even the most basic rice/noodle restaurant, concrete roads (requires a hardy 4x4 to reach the village), computers, televisions, or mobile phone reception.

Rob Gorgeous

2011-04-16T02:32:00.000-07:00

All my children are different - all with their own unique character, interests, strengths and weaknesses.

(don't know how that works but if you're a parent of children, no doubt you'll agree it does)

Anyway, this is what my 15 year old, Rob, is up to (when he's not studying for his GCSEs). He is very clever - and that is not just his dad talking.

Check out his website and judge for yourself...

www.wix.com/rwkerfoot/robgorgeous

Super site. Hope he finds the time to upgrade mine at some point :-)